How Asking One Hard Question Builds Deeper Trust, with Alain de Botton

The High Performance Podcast

This new Essential Habits series breaks down the key habits behind high performance, one episode at a time. This week’s habit is deceptively simple: asking better questions.

Philosopher Alain de Botton joins us to explore how a single, uncomfortable question, “How have I annoyed you?” can deepen trust, defuse tension, and create stronger connections in every part of life.

Whether it’s at home, at work, or with close friends, we often avoid the conversations that would help us grow. Alain shows us a different way, one built on emotional generosity, honest listening, and the courage to be vulnerable.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why awkward questions build trust
• How to listen without getting defensive
• The science behind emotional connection
• What high-performing teams can learn from philosophy
• The hidden power of backstories and being 'truly heard'

Here is a list of studies referenced in the episode:

1. The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness. Arthur Aron, Elaine Aron (1997)
2. Understanding the conversation gap: Why employees aren’t talking, and what we can do about it (Braverly), referenced in How to Navigate Difficult Conversations with Employees. Harvard Negotiation Project
3. Rejection Really Hurts, published in Science (Oct 2003). University Of California - Los Angeles
4. Daring Greatly by Brené Brown

Listen to the full episode with Alain De Botton here: https://pod.fo/e/1f5db0