10. The Sneaky Ways That Shame Can Lead To Overwhelm

The Overwhelm Cure

Here's what Brené Brown has to say about shame:

"I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging — something we've experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.

I don't believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous."

There will always be critics — but sometimes, our own critical voice can be the loudest.

Here's the thing. It's important to question the first thoughts your brain offers. Your brain's job is to keep you safe, but it's often not very helpful in moments where our shame response is triggered.

Instead, it's more productive to work with our thoughts and get clear about any stories we're making up.

Experiences that spark shame can often reinforce imposter syndrome beliefs, perfectionism, and people-pleasing.

Imposter syndrome is when you think that you're not talented, smart, or educated enough to belong or be successful.

Perfectionism is the idea that if we work, look, and act flawlessly, we can avoid shame, blame, and criticism.

People pleasing is how we attempt to keep ourselves safe by acting in ways that we think will make others approve of us.

All of these ideas lead to feeling overwhelmed because we're trying to solve the wrong problem with unhelpful solutions. We'll never get the outcome we want this way.

Today, on The Overwhelm Cure Podcast, I'm exploring the connections between shame and overwhelm.

Here's what you'll hear about in this episode:

• Shame's role in causing overwhelming feelings and how it can lead to unproductive behaviors like overworking and people-pleasing
• A personal story where I experienced shame during a community planning meeting
• How concepts such as imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and people-pleasing can all lead to overwhelm
• The importance of pinpointing the real issues rather than the ones our negatively biased brain wants to perceive
• A practical tool to use in the moment when shame comes up to help move you through your emotions to help you get to self-compassion.

If you're struggling with shame and overwhelm, get in touch at KimberlyKnull.com.

You're also invited to join me at the next Dare to Lead Training happening on March 20. The early bird enrollment rate is still available.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Shame and Overwhelm

01:01 A Personal Story of Shame

05:11 Understanding Imposter Syndrome, Perfectionism, and People Pleasing

07:34 Dealing with Shame and Rewriting Your Story

19:08 The Role of Shame in Our Lives

31:45 The Impact of Toxic Workplaces

34:29 Dare to Lead Training Invitation