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You're Not Broken, Just Wired Differently: An Autistic Therapist's Perspective on Love with Ian Tomlinson
Manage episode 491746940 series 3599896
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Are you struggling to understand your partner's seemingly perplexing behaviors? The mystery might lie in neurodiversity – the natural variation in how human brains function.
In this eye-opening conversation, Imago therapist Ian Tomlinson brings his unique perspective as both a relationship expert and an autistic man diagnosed at 53. With warmth and candor, he dismantles harmful myths about autism while offering practical wisdom for couples navigating neurological differences.
"It's a difference, not a deficit," Tomlinson emphasizes, challenging the pathologizing framework that has dominated our understanding of neurodivergent minds. Far from lacking empathy, he reveals how many autistic individuals experience heightened sensitivity to others' emotions but process and express that awareness differently. This revelation transforms how we might interpret a partner's behaviors that previously seemed dismissive or disconnected.
The conversation explores the exhausting reality of "masking" – hiding one's natural neurodivergent traits to fit in – and how this affects intimate relationships. Tomlinson introduces listeners to the "double empathy problem," where communication breakdowns between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals are consistently blamed on the latter, creating relationship imbalances that compound over time.
For couples where one or both partners are neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, etc.), Tomlinson offers liberating guidance: stop treating neurodivergent traits as problems to fix. Instead, recognize that all relationships involve different communication styles, and focus on mutual accommodation rather than expecting fundamental changes in how someone's brain naturally functions.
Whether you're personally affected by neurodivergence or simply seeking to better understand human differences, this conversation will forever change how you view connection, communication, and the beautiful diversity of human minds.
Thank you for joining me today on the Relationship Blueprint. Remember, don't let life happen to you. You can be the architect of your relationships. So join me next time on the Relationship Blueprint; Unlock Your Power of Connection.
Contact Colleen at [email protected] for questions or to be a guest on the show!
Chapters
1. Introduction to Neurodiversity (00:00:00)
2. Autism as Difference, Not Deficit (00:05:14)
3. Late Diagnosis and Identity Shift (00:09:33)
4. Debunking Autism Myths (00:15:02)
5. Autism as a Relationship Strength (00:20:25)
6. The Double Empathy Problem (00:24:57)
7. Closing Thoughts and Next Episode (00:29:35)
20 episodes
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