A Sense of Control Continued: How Students Achieve Academic Success With Less Stress

The Self-Driven Child

#Ned Johnson #Fitness #Parenting #Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #Mental Health

40:54

Taxes, Voting, Recycling—oh my! After navigating this jungle of grown-up responsibilities together, we're taking a quick summer breather to recharge our adulting batteries. But before we temporarily hang up our responsible pants, join us for this special episode packed with our favorite kernels of wisdom from the season so far AND get an exclusive preview of the fresh adulting adventures awaiting you when Grown-Up Stuff returns in late summer! Think of this episode as your adulting victory lap—complete with confetti and zero paperwork required! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

about a year ago 24:07

MP3•Episode home

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] Introduction to being a “non-anxious presence” and its impact on children.
[2:00] The evolving understanding of managing kids' anxiety and why avoiding stressors doesn’t help.
[5:30] A powerful story about test anxiety and breaking the cycle of fear-based motivation.
[8:15] Why taking the long view on a child’s development can alleviate immediate parental stress.
[10:45] The superhero analogy: overcoming struggles as a source of confidence and growth.
[12:50] Fourth principle: motivating kids without trying to change them, exploring self-determination theory.
[15:00] The SPACE program and supportive parenting techniques that work without direct intervention.
[17:35] Real-life success stories from using supportive statements to build independence.
[19:45] How motivational interviewing can shift conversations from conflict to collaboration.

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

56 episodes

The Self-Driven Child

A Sense of Control Continued: How Students Achieve Academic Success With Less Stress

The Self-Driven Child

11 subscribers

published about a year ago

MP3•Episode home

Episode Highlights:

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

56 episodes

#Ned Johnson #Fitness #Parenting #Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #Mental Health

All episodes

The Self-Driven Child

1
Challenge Accepted: 50 Adventures to Make Middle School Awesome 53:26

4 days ago53:26

53:26

As parents, we often think of middle school as a gauntlet—something our kids just need to survive. But my guest today, education leader, author, and school founder Chris Balme, sees it differently. To him, middle school is an extraordinary time of growth and self-discovery—a period where young people’s brains are changing at their fastest pace since early childhood, making it the perfect time to nurture creativity, agency, and resilience. Chris joins me to share ideas from his new book, Challenge Accepted: 50 Adventures to Make Middle School Awesome —a guide for kids themselves to turn these years into something remarkable. With challenges ranging from stealth artistry to healing broken friendships, Chris shows us how experiences can inspire, connect, and grow the skills kids truly need for life. Along the way, we talk about adolescent brain development, the power of awe, peer-led conflict resolution, and why middle schoolers deserve more agency than they usually get. If you’ve got a tween about to make the leap—or you’re already in the thick of it—this conversation will help you see these years not as a trial to endure, but as a hero’s journey worth embracing. Episode Highlights: [0:00] – Kicking off with a quick update on The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: The Workbook [1:37] – Introducing Chris Balme and his passion for transforming the middle school experience [4:19] – Why middle schoolers are the “ultimate underdogs” and how reframing these years changes everything [7:25] – Building a curriculum of experiences—how “Challenge Accepted” was born [10:19] – Science-backed challenges for the TikTok generation that build connection, creativity, and agency [13:04] – The “Stealth Artist” challenge and the value of positive rule-breaking [23:54] – “Propose a Better Rule” and empowering students to create real change [29:01] – The brain science and benefits behind “Find Awe in Nature” [35:06] – “Heal a Broken Bond”—tools and mindsets for repairing friendships [46:27] – Why middle schoolers are heroes in their own epic adventure Links & Resources: · Chris's Website https://www.chrisbalme.com/about · Harry Chapin: Flowers Are Red https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cVpkzZpDBA · Mike Nicholson - educator https://www.learninspired.org/about If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

1
School Phone Policies With An Educator Who Helped Craft Them 49:48

18 days ago49:48

49:48

What happens when schools set boundaries on student phone use—not to punish, but to empower learning? In this episode, I sit down with Julie Yang, President of the Montgomery County, Maryland Board of Education, to explore the increasingly complex relationship between students, smartphones, and learning environments. Julie brings both personal and professional insights from her roles as an educator, board leader, and parent to help us unpack how thoughtful school policies can shape healthier, more focused, and less anxious learning experiences. We dive into how schools are navigating the pros and cons of technology in classrooms, what research says about screen time and attention, and why policies need to be rooted in both compassion and practicality. Julie walks us through the real-life rollout of phone regulations in one of the country’s largest school systems, and the student feedback that’s reshaping how we think about tech in education. If you’re a parent, educator, or student wondering what “phone away for a better day” really looks like—this conversation’s for you. Episode Highlights: [3:44] – Why regulating phone use in schools is such a hot topic right now [5:18] – Montgomery County’s current phone policy and the balance between rules and student self-regulation [7:30] – How student phone use has evolved through the 2010s, the pandemic, and beyond [10:28] – The rise of screen addiction and why setting boundaries isn’t anti-tech—it’s pro-learning [13:26] – Including student voices: What focus groups revealed about phone policies [16:45] – Middle school and high school student reactions to phone-free learning environments [18:49] – Creative implementation strategies from different schools—no one-size-fits-all approach [23:34] – How to help teens develop respectful and effective phone habits [29:00] – Teaching students that even phones need recess—and how digital detox benefits us all [35:23] – Are Chromebooks and other tech tools part of the problem too? [38:57] – Social media, mental health, and why phones are only one piece of a bigger puzzle [43:45] – Final thoughts on partnership, reflection, and the importance of revisiting regulations Links & Resources: Julie's website: https://www.julieyang.org/ If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

1
Summer Downtime: The Power of Trees and the Default Mode Network 21:30

5 weeks ago21:30

21:30

It’s summer, and that means more time outside—and for me, that means time with trees. In this episode, I dive deep into how trees, those quiet giants of our world, can actually help us and our kids develop healthier minds and deeper self-awareness. I unpack some fascinating science behind what nature, especially time spent among trees, does for our brains, our stress levels, and even our test scores. Inspired by Peter Wohlleben’s The Hidden Life of Trees , I explore not just the hidden life of trees, but the hidden life in trees—and what it can teach us about connection, cooperation, and the power of downtime. Whether you're a fellow tree-lover, a parent looking for ways to support your child’s mental health, or just someone who needs a reason to unplug and take a walk, this episode is for you. Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Why we fall back into old habits and the launch of our new workbook, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child [1:20] - Introducing the episode theme: my love for trees and what they offer us mentally and emotionally [3:14] - What Peter Wohlleben teaches us about trees' communication, cooperation, and support systems [5:55] - Why intergenerational connections matter—and how forests model this beautifully [7:03] - Green spaces and mental health: insights from Denmark and beyond [9:02] - Understanding the default mode network and why downtime is vital for brain development [12:25] - How nature improves test performance: the Johns Hopkins study and real-life results [14:30] - A personal story of helping a student prep for the ACT with a walk in the woods [16:08] - The danger of overscheduling our kids and the need for daily unstructured time [17:40] - My son’s dreamy daydreaming as a child and how it shaped his path as a composer [18:50] - How to gently support kids in managing phone use and embracing digital downtime [19:46] - Final reflections and a call to get out in nature and enjoy a moment of peace and connection Links & Resources: The Hidden Life of Trees by Peter Wohlleben: https://www.peterwohllebenbooks.com/ · Article: "Rest Is Not Idleness" by Mary Helen Immordino-Yang: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26168472/ If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

1
A Teen Perspective on Teen School Phone Policies 54:47

7 weeks ago54:47

54:47

Hey folks, Ned here. If you're anything like me, you're always curious about how the younger generation views the world we're handing them—including the phones we put in their pockets and the social platforms we love to worry about. In this episode, I sit down with two remarkable high school students, Ellie and Flair, to talk not just about screen time and school phone policies, but how they really experience technology, anxiety, education, and what it means to grow up today. Ellie and Flair are bright, honest, and totally engaging. They bring a much-needed perspective on teen tech use, mental health, screen addiction, and the nuanced balance between connection and distraction. This isn’t a conversation about teens—it’s a conversation with them. You’ll walk away with new insight into what our kids are thinking and feeling, and hopefully, how we can better support them. Episode Highlights: [0:00] Welcome and an exciting announcement about the new workbook [1:30] Ellie reflects on generational changes in parenting and tech use [3:35] Meet our brilliant guests: Flair and Ellie [5:16] What BCC High School is like—diversity, size, and school culture [6:17] Launching into today’s topic: phones, social media, and school policies [8:23] What “PMDs” are and how new rules are enforced (or not) [10:49] Why students in advanced classes often self-regulate better [12:03] Calling out the adult double standard in screen use [14:05] Social media as both connection and distraction [17:01] Doomscrolling vs. genuine engagement—mental health reflections [18:17] The healing power of nature and how it competes with dopamine [21:05] How overprotection in the real world may fuel under-preparation [24:51] Discussing “The Anxious Generation” and parental fears [27:52] Does banning phones really solve anything? [29:11] Ellie gets real about anxiety, overdiagnosis, and support systems [33:11] Why blanket policies don’t reflect lived experience [36:16] Can schools craft phone policies with students, not just for them? [40:58] On class, academic support, and how expectations shape outcomes [45:56] Highlighting the MoCAT exhibit and teen voice in action [48:34] Final reflections: What teens really need from adults Links & Resources: The Museum of the Contemporary American Teenager (MoCAT): July 2–7 on the National Mall https://festival.si.edu/2025/youth-future-culture/mocat If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

1
Reimagining Education with Dr. Stuart Slavin 49:15

9 weeks ago49:15

49:15

Hey folks, Ned here! This episode is a continuation of our eye-opening conversation with Dr. Stuart Slavin, a pediatrician, medical educator, and mental health advocate who's making waves in education reform. We dive deep into the hidden stressors in elite academic environments and explore what happens when you challenge the status quo. In Part Two of our discussion, Stuart unpacks his groundbreaking research on high-performing high schools and reveals the sobering mental health statistics that too often go unnoticed. We also talk about real, practical solutions—from pass/fail grading to autonomy-supportive school cultures—that can drastically improve students' well-being without sacrificing academic outcomes. It's a powerful reminder that doing well and being well don't have to be at odds. Episode Highlights: [1:54] - Welcoming back Dr. Stuart Slavin and setting the stage for Part Two of our conversation. [3:38] - Why it's "and," not "or": unpacking social media's role in student stress alongside deeper cultural forces. [6:31] - Eye-opening survey data from 18 high schools revealing staggering rates of anxiety and depression. [9:25] - Students define themselves by grades; extracurriculars are no longer fun—they're just more stress. [11:19] - The "free day" pilot at SLU: one day off every other week led to better mental health and test scores. [13:32] - How principles from positive psychology boosted connection, meaning, and performance. [16:33] - Letting go of false incentives: moving from extrinsic to intrinsic motivation through pass/fail reforms. [17:53] - Challenges schools face in shifting culture and making bold changes. [20:06] - Stuart's upcoming parenting book: offering families a saner, science-based path to raising healthy kids. [22:56] - It's not just the kids: how we're all part of the system that's failing them. [25:49] - Schools must redefine what makes them "good": test scores or student wellness? [29:22] - Practical mental health tools: meditation, breathing, and cognitive restructuring. [33:41] - Real-life stories from students who found unexpected joy outside the Ivy League. [35:26] - The dangers of rigid, narrow goals and the power of reframing. [37:21] - Autonomy, connection, competence: how self-determination theory explains what students need. [41:09] - Schools can change—if they have the courage. The research is clear, the model is ready. [42:33] - A challenge to school leaders: want to try this? We’re in. Let’s make it happen. Links & Resources: If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Dr. Stuart Slavin: Simple Curricular Changes That Decreased Student Depression by 85% AND Raised Board Scores 32:57

11 weeks ago32:57

32:57

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Stuart Slavin—pediatrician, medical educator, and a true superhero in the world of educational reform. Stuart’s groundbreaking work has shown that yes, we can dramatically improve student mental health without compromising academic performance—and he has the results to prove it. We get into why today's high schoolers are more stressed than med students, how maladaptive perfectionism is quietly damaging our youth, and what it really means to build resilience that lasts. Whether you're a parent, educator, or just someone who cares deeply about kids and learning, you don’t want to miss this conversation. Stuart's work is inspiring, actionable, and—best of all—hopeful. Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Introducing our new workbook, "The 7 Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child". [1:08] - Dr. Stuart Slavin on the surprising pressures teens face—more intense than med school. [3:22] - Stuart’s origin story and how a curriculum role led to mental health reform. [5:32] - How adolescent anxiety and perfectionism carry into adulthood. [7:42] - The dangerous cost of maladaptive perfectionism and chronic stress. [8:36] - What Stuart’s research revealed about depression, suicide risk, and medical students. [11:41] - The 3-part intervention that changed everything at Saint Louis University. [14:10] - Can cutting 10% of class time improve both health and test scores? (Spoiler: Yes.). [17:54] - How a 90-minute resilience curriculum taught students to challenge toxic thoughts. [22:01] - Why we must teach kids to recognize and reframe distorted thinking early. [24:20] - Replacing perfectionism with a healthy pursuit of excellence. [26:53] - Ned shares his own experience with depression and the power of having tools. [28:26] - From frustrated parent to systemic change: Stuart’s fight for student well-being. [30:21] - Final thoughts: to help kids thrive, we have to start upstream. Links & Resources: Learn more about Dr. Stuart Slavin's work at ACGME: https://www.acgme.org/ Episode 49 of The Self-Driven Child: How To Redesign Schools to Unleash Extraordinary Learning For All Research cited in the episode: Medical student mental health 3.0: improving student wellness through curricular changes Finding the Why, Changing the How: Improving the Mental Health of Medical Students, Residents, and Physicians Reflections on a Decade Leading a Medical Student Well-Being Initiative If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

1
Six Steps to Being a Non-Anxious Presence 28:23

13 weeks ago28:23

28:23

Hey folks, Ned here. In this episode, I’m diving into something that feels more essential now than ever—how to be a non-anxious presence for the people who count on you. Whether it’s your kids, students, partner, or even yourself, being that calm, steadying force can make all the difference. I know from personal experience and years of working with families that this isn’t easy, especially when the world feels like it’s spinning off its axis. So, I break down six practical, research-backed steps you can take to help yourself stay grounded, build emotional resilience, and show up as the helper people need—even when things get messy. I’ll walk you through stories from my own life, including the toughest parenting experience I’ve faced, and offer concrete strategies for managing your own stress so you can be that safe harbor in the storm. Episode Highlights: [1:47] - Opening reflection on “helpers” and what it means to be a non-anxious presence. [4:22] - Step 1: Assessing your own baseline level of stress and why many of us don’t realize how stressed we really are. [7:56] - Step 2: Identifying your personal stress triggers using the N.U.T.S. framework. (Novelty, Unpredictability, Threat, Low Sense of Control). [11:34] - Step 3: Spotting your “tells” and emotional signals when you're not at your best. [14:10] - Step 4: Claiming your space—how to communicate your emotional needs without blowing up. [19:32] - Step 5: Facing challenges by confronting your fears and reframing anxious thinking. [22:18] - Step 6: Emergency and preventative stress relief techniques—laughter, breathing, exercise, and more. [24:40] - Personal story: How my son and I reframed our thinking during his brain tumor diagnosis and what we both learned about resilience and peace. [26:50] - Final thoughts on raising kids to thrive through hardship and modeling courage and calm. Links & Resources: How Exercise Can Calm Anxiety: https://archive.nytimes.com/well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/03/how-exercise-can-calm-anxiety/ The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook - Out now! If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

1
Ch. 8: "Seven Principles" for Supporting Student & Teacher Autonomy in Schools 42:54

17 weeks ago42:54

42:54

In this episode, I’m joined by my dear friend and co-author, Dr. Bill Stixrud. We dive into a topic that’s been at the heart of so many recent conversations: how schools can do a better job supporting students’ mental health, motivation, and overall well-being. Bill and I have spent a lot of time lately visiting schools, giving talks, and listening—really listening—to what kids are telling us about their experience in today’s education system. We’re talking chronic stress, anxiety, and a relentless pressure to perform that’s robbing too many students of joy and curiosity. In this episode, we explore why this is happening, how schools got here, and most importantly, what we can do to change it. From the science of autonomy to the powerful impact of rethinking homework, we unpack real strategies that can make school a place of growth, not just grades. Episode Highlights: [1:07] – A student’s bold question about homework and mental health gets a thunderous response. [2:25] – Why we took a hard look at public schools in our new book’s bonus chapter. [3:29] – The critical role of autonomy in mental health and intrinsic motivation. [5:03] – Two big opportunities for schools: more voice and healthier environments. [6:16] – Striking data: mental health outcomes are worse during the school year. [8:14] – Students share how their lives revolve around impressing college admissions officers. [11:00] – Why school often ignores what neuroscience says about how brains actually learn. [13:32] – A principal shadows students for a day—and is shocked by the experience. [14:30] – The importance of downtime and unstructured moments between classes. [16:33] – Three steps for teachers to reflect on the purpose and impact of homework. [18:28] – Low intrinsic motivation is linked to nearly every mental health issue. [19:34] – A bold shift: one district makes homework optional and ungraded. [22:17] – How over-emphasizing homework can backfire on learning and wellness. [23:14] – Reducing content, adding autonomy: how med schools improved outcomes. [24:56] – Can we build schools that foster joy, not just performance? [29:47] – Inspire, don’t require: how one school reimagined homework. [34:31] – Collaborating across schools and communities to create real change. [36:14] – Parents can respectfully ask for the evidence behind educational practices. [38:21] – Radical downtime, meditation, and how calmer minds lead to better learning. [39:59] – Final thoughts: Let's reframe schools as places of growth, joy, and human development. Links & Resources: https://www.cdc.gov/classroom-management/approaches/student-autonomy-empowerment.html https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/childrens-risk-of-suicide-increases-on-school-days/ https://news.yale.edu/2020/01/30/national-survey-students-feelings-about-high-school-are-mostly-negative If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

1
How To Redesign Schools to Unleash Extraordinary Learning For All 29:29

17 weeks ago29:29

29:29

If you’ve ever looked at your kid’s school and thought, “Is this really the best we can do?”—this episode is for you. I sat down with the incredible Jenee Henry Wood, a national leader in community-based school design, and co-author of Extraordinary Learning for All . We dive deep into why our current educational system—designed a hundred years ago for a very different world—often fails to meet the needs of today’s young people, and what it would look like to redesign schools to actually serve them better. Jenee brings so much wisdom, humor, and hope to this conversation. We talk about the real challenges of educational reform, how parents and students can become catalysts for change, and what it takes to create schools that are co-owned and co-loved by the communities they serve. Trust me, this isn’t your typical education podcast—it’s a call to action rooted in agency, relevance, and hope. Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Introducing the episode and our latest book, The Self-Driven Child Workbook [1:44] - What does it mean to redesign schools—and are today’s schools meeting kids’ needs? [3:01] - Jenee Henry Wood shares her background and mission with Transcend Education [5:46] - The “three big ideas” behind redesigning education: design awareness, prioritizing experience, and community-based transformation [11:15] - Why the old model of school no longer fits the world our kids are inheriting [12:52] - The politics of change: why we stall at the 20% we disagree on [15:07] - What kids and parents really want from school (hint: it’s not just test prep) [17:22] - The power of voice, agency, and building trust in the redesign process [20:56] - A powerful story from North Dakota about shifting from imposed solutions to shared ownership [24:31] - How to start a redesign process—yes, even without a superintendent's blessing [26:54] - Jenee’s message of hope: “Institutions are of us, from us. Change starts with you.” Links & Resources: Transcend Academy Website: https://transcendeducation.org/ Extraordinary Learning for All: How Communities Design Schools Where Everyone Thrives: https://www.amazon.com/Extraordinary-Learning-All-Communities-Everyone/dp/1394230540 If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

1
Our New Book! The Seven Principles For Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook 39:06

21 weeks ago39:06

39:06

In this very special episode, I sit down with my friend and co-author Dr. Bill Stixrud to celebrate the arrival of our third “baby” — our brand new book, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook . If you’ve ever read our earlier books ( The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? ), and found yourself thinking, “I love these ideas, but how do I actually apply them?”—this episode (and this book!) is for you. We created this workbook to help you go beyond the theory and actually make the Self-Driven Child way your way. Bill and I unpack the inspiration behind the workbook and walk through the seven core principles that anchor it. We talk about everything from building calm, connected homes to the delicate art of motivating kids without trying to change them. Along the way, we share powerful stories from families we’ve worked with, lessons from years of practice, and candid reflections from our own parenting journeys. This episode has actionable insights to support you—and your kids—in building a happier, healthier, and more autonomous life. Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Kicking things off with the big news: our new book has officially launched! [3:00] - Why we wrote a workbook and how it supports parents in putting ideas into practice. [6:24] - How old myths about parenting can derail connection, and why reflecting is essential. [8:39] - Real-life stories of transformation when parents shift their approach. [11:15] - It takes practice to make new parenting habits stick—why this book is about just that. [13:25] - Diving into the first principle: “Put connection first” and why it matters most. [15:00] - Principle #2: Be a consultant, not the boss—fostering autonomy through trust. [16:19] - Communicating healthy vs. toxic expectations—and the power of belief in your kid. [17:33] - Why kids need an accurate model of reality (and success isn't a straight line). [21:03] - Motivating kids without trying to change them—how to be more effective and empathetic. [24:22] - The critical role of being a non-anxious presence and how it strengthens the whole family. [25:14] - Principle #6: Practicing radical digital downtime for mental clarity and brain health. [26:26] - Bonus chapter! What education could look like if we built it around brains, not just grades. [33:51] - Our favorite exercises from the workbook—and how they’ll help you build connection and effectiveness. Links & Resources: To order The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook: https://politics-prose.com/book/9780143138259 If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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From Damsel in Distress to Superhero: The Making of a Teen Mental Health Advocate For Students 53:12

24 weeks ago53:12

53:12

If you've ever felt like the challenges of school, stress, and expectations are just too much, you’re not alone. In this episode, I sit down with the incredible Riana Alexander, a college freshman and mental health advocate, who turned her own struggles into a movement for change. Riana opens up about her journey—from a high-achieving student battling anxiety and depression to the founder of Arizona Students for Mental Health , a nonprofit dedicated to improving mental health resources in schools. We also dive into her fight for change within her school district, the resistance she faced, and the powerful impact she and her peers have made. We also discuss the misconceptions around mental health, the role schools should play in student well-being, and how adults can better support struggling teens. If you’re a student, a parent, or an educator, this conversation will challenge and inspire you. A quick content note: We do discuss suicidal ideation and suicide in this episode. If you or someone you know needs support, call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Episode Highlights: [3:10] – Meet Riana: A college student, mental health advocate, and founder of Arizona Students for Mental Health . [5:49] – Riana’s struggle with anxiety and depression during high school and how she found her way forward. [7:55] – The disconnect between academic pressure and mental health—and how schools often miss the signs. [12:45] – The tragic events that sparked Riana’s advocacy work. [15:40] – Facing school board resistance: “This isn’t a school problem”. [25:42] – How student-led advocacy finally pushed the district to take action. [30:29] – The launch of the Hope Institute and its life-saving impact. [32:34] – What adults can do to support struggling teens. [42:16] – The importance of asking direct questions about mental health. [49:27] – Why open conversations and community involvement are key to change. Links & Resources: Suicide Prevention Hotline: https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox How to talk to someone who may be in crisis: https://jedfoundation.org/resource/how-to-ask-someone-if-theyre-thinking-about-suicide/ Washington Post article featuring Riana Alexander https://wapo.st/3Qvyyd7 Arizona Students For Mental Health: Website: https://azstudentsformenta.wixsite.com/azsfmh Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/azstudentsformentalhealth/ Children's Risk of Suicide Rises on School Days: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/childrens-risk-of-suicide-increases-on-school-days/ If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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A Superhero For Student Autonomy in Schools: Talking With Mike Nicholson About What Works 50:54

25 weeks ago50:54

50:54

Hey folks, Ned here! You know how much we all want our kids and students to thrive, but sometimes, despite our best efforts, it feels like we’re stuck in the same old patterns that just don’t work. That’s why I’m thrilled about today’s episode. We’re talking about the concept of student autonomy—why it’s crucial for engagement, learning, and even mental health. And joining me is someone who’s not just talking about change but making it happen: longtime educator and reformer Mike Nicholson. Mike has spent decades in education, from being a teacher to a superintendent to a consultant, and now he’s working directly with schools to help them give students more meaningful control over their learning. We talk about what happens when students have more agency, the impact of constant micromanagement in schools, and how even small changes—like making homework optional—can lead to huge shifts. If you’ve ever wondered why student engagement drops as they move through school or how we can turn things around, this conversation is for you! Episode Highlights: [2:46] – Mike Nicholson’s journey in education and why he’s passionate about student autonomy. [4:42] – The shocking decline of student engagement as they progress through school. [6:44] – Why behaviorism (carrots and sticks) isn’t working in education. [10:49] – What educators discover when they shadow students for a full school day. [14:23] – Would any adult willingly go through what we put students through? [22:04] – What school handbooks reveal about the culture of control in education. [33:09] – The case for making homework optional—especially in math! [41:46] – A real-world example of a school successfully giving students more control. [45:51] – Shifting school from something kids "have to do" to something they want to do. Links & Resources: Learning InspirED: https://www.learninspired.org/ Download the Autonomy Breakdown: https://drive.google.com/file/d/13O75KCX6TFUPZ8jK6W2aYOlY7M_eWyLD/view If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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What I Learned About Motivation From "Ghost Buster" Yegor Denisov-blanch 48:03

27 weeks ago48:03

48:03

What if some of the people on your team weren’t actually working—but just good at looking busy? In this episode, I sit down with Yegor Denisov-Blanch to discuss a fascinating and troubling trend in the tech world: ghost engineers . These are software developers whose productivity is so low that they barely contribute—yet they manage to stay employed. Yegor, a researcher dedicated to improving software engineering performance, dives into what causes this phenomenon, why it’s more common than you’d think, and how it affects company culture, team morale, and overall efficiency. But instead of just calling them out, his goal is to understand why this happens—and how to fix it. We also explore how the same disengagement issues that plague workplaces show up in schools. Yegor shares his own unconventional education journey, having dropped out of the traditional system at 14, teaching himself to code, and later excelling in university. What does this say about the way we measure productivity and success—not just in work, but in learning? Episode Highlights: [00:49] - What exactly is a ghost engineer, and why are companies unknowingly paying them? [03:41] - The research behind software engineer performance and why measuring it has been difficult. [06:38] - How ghost engineers operate—are they just lazy, or is there something deeper going on? [10:41] - The surprising psychological and workplace culture factors that push employees toward disengagement. [15:22] - The role of trust in the workplace and why micromanagement can actually increase disengagement. [23:30] - How remote work has changed productivity—for better and worse. [25:18] - Yegor’s unconventional education journey: Dropping out of 8th grade, starting a business at 14, and later graduating top of his class. [32:24] - How personalized learning and self-directed education could prevent disengagement in students before they enter the workforce. [40:30] - The bigger mission: Not just exposing ghost engineers, but fixing the system so they don’t need to exist. Links & Resources: Are ‘ghost engineers’ real? Seeking Silicon Valley’s least productive coders: https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/12/08/ghost-engineers-programming-productivity-coding/ Stanford Research: Measuring Software Engineering Productivity: https://dpe.org/sessions/simon-obstbaum-yegor-denisov-blanch/stanford-research-measuring-software-engineering-productivity/ If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Student Autonomy in School: Yep, It's Possible! 52:37

29 weeks ago52:37

52:37

In this episode, I sit down with Amy Buckman, an incredible educator and school counselor from Ohio. Amy has spent 19 years helping students navigate everything from mental health challenges to career counseling, all while motivating them to achieve their goals. We dive deep into the concept of student autonomy and how it’s transforming schools through an innovative three-year grant program aimed at fostering student engagement and agency. Amy shares how her district is reimagining education by focusing on what really motivates students, exploring concepts like Flex Fridays, and even shadowing students to understand their daily challenges. If you’ve ever wondered how schools can adapt to meet the needs of a changing world while supporting kids’ mental health and academic growth, this episode is packed with insights you won’t want to miss! Episode Highlights: [03:13] - Amy shares her background and her role as a school counselor. [08:29] - Discussion on the three-year grant program promoting student agency. [14:17] - Insights from shadowing students to better understand their school day. [22:35] - How Flex Fridays aim to spark deeper learning and engagement. [30:55] - Overcoming systemic barriers to create better learning environments. [37:05] - The impact of giving students a voice in school decisions. [42:07] - How passion-driven learning leads to happier, more motivated students. Links & Resources: Student Autonomy & Engagement: https://www.brookings.edu/articles/the-disengagement-gap/ A School of Our Own: https://thenewpress.com/books/school-of-our-own If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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The Disengaged Teen Part 2 37:27

30 weeks ago37:27

37:27

In this follow-up episode, I continue my conversation with Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson, authors of The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better . We dive deeper into the strategies parents and educators can use to support kids who feel stuck in “passenger mode.” From fostering autonomy to the importance of relational health, Rebecca and Jenny share actionable insights grounded in science and their own life experiences. We also explore what it takes to help kids move from disengagement to becoming true “explorers,” igniting curiosity and confidence. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or simply passionate about education, this episode offers powerful takeaways on how to redefine achievement, support mental health, and create environments where kids can thrive. Episode Highlights: [0:00] - Kicking off Part 2: How nagging impacts kids’ learning and why relational health matters. [2:29] - Tips for parents to help kids stuck in “passenger mode.” [5:09] - The importance of pursuing interests—even if it’s crocheting or skateboarding. [7:50] - A pottery class transforms one student’s approach to learning and growth. [13:05] - The role of relational health in building resilience and curiosity. [17:37] - Technology, sleep, and setting boundaries at home. [21:23] - How curiosity can help kids engage deeply in school and beyond. [30:58] - Easy, practical strategies for teachers to support autonomy and agency in classrooms. [34:08] - Final reflections on creating an environment where kids can learn, feel, and live better. Links & Resources: Rebecca and Jenny's book: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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The Disengaged Teen Part 1 34:57

31 weeks ago34:57

34:57

Are you worried about how engaged your child is in school and their learning? You’re not alone. In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast , I sit down with two powerhouse guests—Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson—authors of the book The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better . Together, we dive into the alarming trends of disengagement among kids as they transition from tots to teens and why so many high schoolers feel disconnected from their education. Rebecca and Jenny share their personal experiences, surprising research findings, and practical strategies that empower kids to take charge of their learning. We discuss the crucial role of agency in fostering curiosity and resilience, why high achievement doesn’t have to come at the expense of mental health, and how even "problem kids" can thrive when they find their spark. This is Part 1 of our conversation, and you won’t want to miss it. Episode Highlights: [0:50] - Introduction: Why teen disengagement should concern us all. [2:00] - Meet Rebecca and Jenny: Their unique journeys into education and child development. [10:13] - The shocking statistics on student engagement: Why it plummets after third grade. [18:24] - Agency and engagement: The secret sauce for learning success. [21:23] - Four modes of student engagement: Passenger, achiever, resistor, and explorer. [28:11] - The neuroscience of nagging: Why it shuts down problem-solving in teens. [32:31] - The primal need for respect: How it shapes teen development and parent relationships. Links & Resources: Rebecca and Jenny's book: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Independent Travel: A low-cost, high-impact way to prepare teens for college and life 52:56

38 weeks ago52:56

52:56

Ready to ignite your child’s wanderlust? In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with the incredible Blake Bole, an expert in self-directed learning and international travel for teens and young adults. From unschooling to transformative travel experiences, Blake shares how navigating the world independently helps young people develop autonomy, financial responsibility, and stress tolerance—essential skills for life. We explore the power of independent travel, the magic of gap years, and how simple, unstructured adventures can foster confidence and resilience. Episode Highlights: [00:56] - Introducing Blake Bole: A lifelong traveler and advocate for unschooling and alternative education. [03:22] - What is unschooling? Blake explains this full-time self-directed learning approach. [06:25] - How travel fosters independence and resilience in young people. [08:59] - The importance of managing money and decision-making during travel. [12:07] - Stories of thrift and teamwork among teens learning to feed themselves on a budget. [18:38] - The transformative power of gap years and independent travel experiences. [28:01] - Overcoming fears about safety and risk in travel for young people. [34:22] - Micro-adventures and creative challenges that foster self-reliance. [42:45] - Blake’s “Gap Year Launch Pad” program: A structured way to start independent travel. [48:03] - The lifelong benefits of developing autonomy, mastery, and purpose through travel. Links & Resources: Blake’s Website: https://www.blakeboles.com/2016/10/take-self-directed-gap-year-zero-starting-funds/ The Nurture Assumption: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nurture_Assumption If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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The SAT, ACT, and Other Four-Letter Words: What Do You Say When Your Kid's Scores are Low? 22:35

39 weeks ago22:35

22:35

Let’s talk about a reality that many parents and teens face: handling disappointing standardized test scores. It’s a topic that stirs up all kinds of feelings—stress, doubt, frustration—and how we as parents respond makes all the difference. I share how common phrases, despite being well-intentioned, can unintentionally add pressure or shut down meaningful conversations. You’ll walk away with a better understanding of what to say to your teen when they’re disappointed and how to be that steady, supportive presence they need most. Whether it’s the PSAT, SAT, ACT, or any high-stakes test, your words matter and can make a world of difference in guiding them through it. Episode Highlights: [0:00] Introduction and why test scores stir deep emotions for both kids and parents. [3:15] Understanding the language of support: what to avoid and why. [6:00] “But you’re smarter than this”—how this phrase backfires and what to say instead. [10:20] Shifting from dismissive comments like “It’s just anxiety” to more validating responses. [13:45] The problem with labeling mistakes as “stupid” and how to reframe them as learning opportunities. [16:30] Why “I don’t care as long as you did your best” can feel like hidden pressure. [19:00] Building trust and resilience by being a non-judgmental, safe base for your teen. If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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A Sense of Control Continued: How Students Achieve Academic Success With Less Stress 24:07

40 weeks ago24:07

24:07

In this continuation episode, I’m back with Dr. Bill Stixrud for part two of our discussion that digs into the realities of raising kids in high-pressure academic environments. We explore the subtle yet powerful concept of being a “non-anxious presence” as a parent and what that really means when guiding children through challenges. Bill and I touch on real stories from our practices and new strategies that emphasize motivation without pushing too hard—helping kids build resilience, autonomy, and self-confidence in a world brimming with expectations. Episode Highlights: [0:00] Introduction to being a “non-anxious presence” and its impact on children. [2:00] The evolving understanding of managing kids' anxiety and why avoiding stressors doesn’t help. [5:30] A powerful story about test anxiety and breaking the cycle of fear-based motivation. [8:15] Why taking the long view on a child’s development can alleviate immediate parental stress. [10:45] The superhero analogy: overcoming struggles as a source of confidence and growth. [12:50] Fourth principle: motivating kids without trying to change them, exploring self-determination theory. [15:00] The SPACE program and supportive parenting techniques that work without direct intervention. [17:35] Real-life success stories from using supportive statements to build independence. [19:45] How motivational interviewing can shift conversations from conflict to collaboration. If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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A Sense of Control: How Students Achieve Academic Success With Less Stress 31:38

42 weeks ago31:38

31:38

In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I’m joined by the brilliant Dr. Bill Stixrud, co-author of The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? We dive into the challenges parents face around academic pressure, mental health, and helping kids find their way without being overwhelmed by stress. Bill shares powerful insights on why a sense of control is so essential to young people's mental well-being, and we explore practical strategies for fostering resilience, decision-making, and problem-solving skills in children. This episode is perfect for parents, educators, or anyone working with kids who wants to learn how to support them better without adding more pressure. If you're looking to understand how to motivate your kids without micromanaging or forcing change, you’ll love what we have to share. Tune in as we unpack the importance of being a “consultant” to your child and how building strong, empathetic connections can reduce stress and improve mental health. Episode Highlights: [00:00] – Introduction to the episode and discussing the importance of the parent consultant approach. [2:33] – The connection between academic pressure and adolescent mental health, and why it’s a global issue. [5:58] – Why a sense of control is key to mental health, and how we can foster that in our kids. [8:17] – How increasing a child’s sense of control improves both their learning and decision-making. [9:14] – Five key principles for parents to raise self-driven children, with connection being the foundation. [11:48] – Exploring the consultant approach: empowering kids to solve their own problems. [21:53] – How to reduce stress for both you and your child by changing the way you approach decisions. [24:31] – The power of letting kids make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes. Links & Resources: If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Grades, Rakes, and Reflection: Helping Kids Do Less To Do Better - With Teacher & Writer Tim Donahue 49:52

45 weeks ago49:52

49:52

In this episode, I sit down with Tim Donahue, a seasoned high school English teacher and a writer, to dive into the pressures of grade inflation, the impact on student resilience, and why kids today feel overwhelmed by academic and extracurricular demands. Tim’s unique perspective, drawn from years in the classroom and as a published writer, sheds light on how grade inflation and the drive for high grades may actually be compromising students' learning and mental health. Together, we explore how students and parents can navigate the academic landscape to foster genuine learning, creativity, and stress tolerance. Tim also shares his insights on the importance of doing less to achieve more, advocating for a balanced approach that prioritizes reflection and meaningful engagement over relentless achievement. Episode Highlights: [04:12] - Discussing grade inflation and its effects on teaching, learning, and the integrity of feedback. [08:13] - The role of resilience in education and how students benefit from realistic feedback, even if it means lower grades. [12:00] - How inflated grades can deprive students of vital information about their strengths and weaknesses. [17:18] - Examining the disconnect between high school and college expectations, and the effect on students’ mental health. [23:37] - Tim’s passion for “less is more” and the importance of brevity and reflection in learning. [36:39] - The impact of recreational screen time on student well-being and the hidden benefits of spending time in nature. [43:27] - Finding peace and mindfulness through activities like raking leaves and the restorative power of nature. Links & Resources: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/25/opinion/coronavirus-scream.html https://www.wsj.com/arts-culture/television/what-high-schoolers-need-to-start-the-year-seinfeld-style-griping-cea5f83d https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/23/opinion/grade-inflation-high-school.html https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/07/opinion/high-school-students-free-time.html https://hechingerreport.org/teacher-voice-how-the-sad-shadow-of-book-banning-shuts-down-conversations-and-lacerates-librarians/ https://www.easthamptonstar.com/guestwords-opinion/20211021/guestwords-consider-rake https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26168472/ If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Brainless Education: A Conversation About the Brain Science Too Often Ignored in Most Schools 47:25

46 weeks ago47:25

47:25

Welcome to The Self-Driven Child podcast! In this episode, I chat with Dr. William Stixrud, co-author of The Self-Driven Child, to explore the concept of “brainless education” and why the way we approach learning in schools often overlooks the very organ meant to do the learning: the brain. We explore how prioritizing stress reduction, sleep, and autonomy for students can revolutionize not just their academic success, but also their mental health and intrinsic motivation. Together, we discuss how giving kids more control over their learning and personal lives can foster better stress tolerance and deeper engagement with education. Dr. Stixrud shares research-based insights, and we provide actionable ideas on how educators, parents, and students themselves can shift toward a brain-friendly approach. Episode Highlights: [01:58] - Dr. William Stixrud explains the low levels of student motivation and mental health issues [04:30] - How schools often act as a major source of stress and anxiety for students [06:12] - The success of Transcendental Meditation for medical students and its positive effects on learning [08:48] - The three pillars of healthy brain function: learning, mental health, and motivation [09:24] - How stress impacts the prefrontal cortex and executive function [12:27] - The importance of the hippocampus and the damaging effects of stress on memory [18:56] - The critical role of sleep in memory retention and emotional regulation [20:45] - How sleep deprivation increases stress and worsens anxiety [25:41] - Developing a sense of control and its importance in mental health [31:59] - Intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation: how autonomy enhances learning [37:16] - Supporting autonomy in schools and how it improves student outcomes [42:19] - The argument for making homework optional and ungraded to reduce stress [44:01] - Final thoughts: fostering a brain-friendly environment for students Links & Resources: If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Parental (Over) Involvement & The Start of College - A Conversation with Jess Lahey 45:06

50 weeks ago45:06

45:06

In this episode of the Self Driven Child podcast, I'm thrilled to welcome back one of my favorite voices in parenting, Jess Lahey. Jess is a New York Times bestselling author, an educator, and someone who's been on the front lines of both teaching and parenting. We discuss the emotional rollercoaster that is the transition from high school to college—not just for our kids, but for us as parents too. We talk about the balance between supporting our children and giving them the space to grow into their own people. Jess shares personal anecdotes about her own children's experiences, shedding light on the challenges and triumphs that come with this major life change. Jess gives insights on how to approach the first day of college, handle the inevitable bumps along the way, and most importantly, how to step back and let our kids take the reins. Episode Highlights: [00:42] - Introduction to the episode and guest Jess Lahey. [3:25] - Jess shares her experience with her children's transition to college. [7:09] - The importance of letting kids create their own identity in college. [14:24] - How to support your child without taking over, and the power of apology. [22:19] - Preparing kids for the unexpected challenges in college. [26:19] - The importance of helping kids build competence and a sense of control. [39:17] - Understanding why kids push away during major transitions and how to handle it. Links & Resources: https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/16/health/college-student-independence-wellness/index.html https://www.jessicalahey.com/comingofageinthemiddle/2015/6/21/season-of-the-malcontents If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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What Do You Say? Why we LOVE Book #2! 27:19

1 year ago27:19

27:19

In this episode, I sit down with my co-author, Dr. William R. Stixrud, to do an origin story into the key concepts from our latest book, "What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home". We discuss the crucial importance of connection between parents and children, exploring how empathy and validation can transform relationships and foster mental well-being. Bill shares insights from our research and experiences, highlighting the profound impact of close relationships on kids' stress levels and overall happiness. Tune in as we unpack practical strategies for effective communication and building stronger bonds with your children. Episode Highlights: [01:37] - Bill discusses the motivation behind writing our second book, "What Do You Say?". [03:13] - The challenges of balancing control and fostering independence in children. [06:57] - The unexpected mental health risks in high-achieving children. [08:19] - The power of empathy and validation in strengthening parent-child connections. [10:25] - How reflective listening can enhance communication and trust. [12:25] - The importance of understanding before judging in parent-child interactions. [18:27] - Real-life stories illustrating the impact of empathetic responses. Links & Resources: Get the book: What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home by Dr. William R. Stixrud and Ned Johnson Website: Get the Top 10 Tips from Our Books: https://www.theselfdrivenchild.com Submit questions: Bill@theselfdrivenchild.com or Ned@theselfdrivenchild.com High Schoolers College Prep: https://prepmatters.com/ or call (301) 951-0350 If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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The Self-Driven Child: How We Got There (aka The Marvel Origin Story) 34:05

1 year ago34:05

34:05

Today we are talking about the roots of "The Self Driven Child" with my co-author, Dr. William R. Stixrud. Discover how our understanding of autonomy and control transformed our approach to parenting and education. We explore the neuroscience behind stress and motivation, sharing our journey from initial insights to the profound impact our work has had globally. Join us as we recount our Marvel origin story and reveal the science and anecdotes that shaped our bestselling books. Dr. William Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist, joins me, Ned Johnson, as we discuss the key principles of our collaboration. From handling stress to fostering intrinsic motivation, this episode covers it all. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to our podcast, this episode offers valuable insights into creating a supportive environment for children and young adults. Episode Highlights: [0:34] - Welcoming Dr. William Stixrud and introducing the topic of autonomy and control. [1:34] - The global impact of "The Self Driven Child" and the importance of a sense of control. [2:12] - Discussing stress and its effects on the brain from Dr. Stixrud's early research. [5:39] - How stress and control relate to motivation and mental health. [6:28] - Personal anecdotes and professional experiences on stress and motivation. [8:45] - The concept of autonomy in parenting and education. [13:17] - The bi-directional relationship between stress and brain function. [17:07] - Practical advice on supporting autonomy in children. [20:24] - The impact of test preparation on stress and performance. [25:38] - Addressing the physiological aspects of stress and anxiety. [30:02] - Reflections on the journey of writing "The Self Driven Child". [31:03] - Concluding thoughts and a sneak peek into the next episode. If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Choosing a New School: Why, When, and How 44:20

1 year ago44:20

44:20

Hey everyone, welcome back to The Self-Driven Child Podcast! In this episode, I sit down with the incredibly insightful Wendy Wilkinson, a parent educator and admissions expert with decades of experience. Wendy shares her wisdom on how to find the right school for your child, navigating the complex world of school choices, and understanding what makes a good fit for different types of learners. Whether you're a parent feeling the pressure of school admissions or just curious about the process, this episode is packed with valuable insights and practical advice. Episode Highlights: [00:00] - Wendy discusses the initial reactions parents have when told their child may need extra support. [00:40] - Introduction to the podcast and today’s topic on choosing the right school. [01:47] - Welcoming Wendy Wilkinson and a brief overview of her impressive background. [04:53] - Wendy shares her dream of helping families find the right school for each child. [07:20] - Overcoming the challenges of school admissions and finding the right fit. [10:56] - Exploring different types of schools and the importance of a tailored fit. [13:19] - How to handle learning differences and finding supportive school environments. [16:37] - Tips for parents on how to identify when a school change might be necessary. [22:22] - The importance of involving children in school decisions. [26:06] - Evaluating schools and understanding what makes a good fit. [29:34] - Navigating the admissions process and understanding school selection criteria. [37:57] - Advice for parents on filtering out noise and focusing on their child's unique needs. [41:00] - Where to find Wendy and her team for personalized education consulting. Links & Resources: Connect with Wendy: https://www.schoolfirstnyc.com/ If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Lessons on Self-Directed Learning with "Adventure Kaity!" Part 2 32:02

1 year ago32:02

32:02

Welcome back to the Self Driven Child Podcast! In this episode, we're continuing our incredible conversation with Kaity Broadbent, head of learning at Prenda. Kaity's insights into creating nurturing learning environments are game-changing, and in this second part, we dive even deeper. We discuss the importance of relatedness, competence, and autonomy in child development and how these principles can transform both home and school settings. Kaity's passion and wisdom are truly inspiring—this is an episode you don't want to miss! Kaity shares profound stories and practical strategies for parents and educators to foster a supportive environment where children can thrive. We explore the impact of adult-child relationships on brain development, the power of empathy, and the importance of giving kids autonomy. Episode Highlights: [00:00] - Introduction to the episode and recap of Part 1 with Kaity Broadbent. [00:55] - Kaity shares an analogy about creating nurturing environments for children. [02:25] - The impact of unconditional positive regard on children's brain development. [06:31] - Kaity's unique exercise with educators to highlight the importance of empathy and positive reinforcement. [08:53] - Discussion on common but ineffective methods used to motivate children. [10:03] - The role of stress and how it affects children's learning and behavior. [12:57] - How comparing children to others and using rewards/punishments can backfire. [16:26] - Strategies for parents to help their children navigate less supportive learning environments. [18:23] - The significance of having at least one caring adult in a child's life. [20:50] - Kaity's personal story about the importance of merit-based approval and its effects. [24:01] - The difference between common and normal behavior in children and how to support them. [29:58] - Where to follow Kaity Broadbent and learn more about Prenda. Links & Resources: Prenda Micro-Schools: https://www.prenda.com/ Social Media: @PrendaLearn KindlED Podcast: https://www.prenda.com/kindled If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Lessons on Self-Directed Learning with "Adventure Kaity!" Part 1 31:14

1 year ago31:14

31:14

Today, I'm thrilled to have Kaity Broadbent, an extraordinary educator and parent, joining us. Kaity is the head of learning at Prenda, an organization dedicated to creating micro-schools that empower students and parents alike. In this episode, we dive into Kaity's unique approach to education, the psychology of motivation, and the incredible benefits of mastery-based learning. Join us as we discuss how to transform the traditional learning environment into one that fosters autonomy, intrinsic motivation, and lifelong learning. Kaity shares her insights on the importance of relatedness, competency, and autonomy in education, and how Prenda’s micro-schools are revolutionizing the way kids learn. This conversation is packed with valuable takeaways for parents, educators, and anyone interested in the future of education. Don't miss out on part 2 of our conversation in the next episode! Episode Highlights: [00:30] - Introduction to Kaity Broadbent and Prenda’s mission. [02:02] - Kaity's journey into homeschooling and micro-schools. [04:33] - What is a micro-school and how does Prenda support student-centered learning? [06:42] - The challenge of traditional classroom settings and the importance of individualized learning. [07:59] - Explaining the "zone of proximal development" and its role in mastery-based education. [10:03] - Real-life example of a student's excitement in mastering math through self-set goals. [12:19] - Integrating self-determination theory into education: competence, relatedness, and autonomy. [18:36] - The power of positive language and autonomy-supportive teaching methods. [22:23] - The difference between controlling students and fostering self-governance. [25:15] - Building trust and positive relationships with students and the impact on long-term influence. Links & Resources: Prenda Micro-Schools: https://www.prenda.com/ Social Media: @PrendaLearn KindlED Podcast: https://www.prenda.com/kindled If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Who’s Ready for College? with William Stixrud, Ph.D. 42:01

1 year ago42:01

42:01

In today's episode, we explore the complexities of an issue that's close to the hearts of parents, teachers, and students alike—college readiness. Alongside my friend and co-author Bill Stixrud, we discuss the crucial aspects that determine whether a high-school student is truly ready to take on the challenges of college life. We start by questioning the common rush towards college right after high school, bringing to light the concerning rates of dropout and burnout among college freshmen. Our conversation covers effective strategies for assessing and enhancing readiness, emphasizing the importance of emotional resilience and maturity over mere academic preparation. Listen in to gain insights into making the transition to college successful and sustainable. Episode Highlights: [2:26] College readiness and mental health challenges among students. [7:05] College readiness, stress tolerance, and emotional resilience. [12:21] Prioritizing life skills over academic achievement. [14:40] College readiness and the importance of self-care for students. [19:53] Importance of sleep for adolescent brain development and academic success. [24:29] Executive functions, self-evaluation, and stress management in adolescents. [30:10] Stress management and self-care for high-achieving students. [35:08] College preparation and stress management for high school students. Links & Resources: Visit SelfDrivenChild.com for more resources on developing autonomy and resilience in children. For further insights into college readiness and effective stress management strategies, check out the books “The Self-Driven Child” and “What Do You Say?” by Ned Johnson and Bill Stixrud. If today's discussion resonated with you, consider exploring our books and resources to better prepare for the college journey ahead. Remember to rate, follow, share, and review our podcast if you find our content valuable. Here's to nurturing a self-driven and resilient next generation! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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The Craziest Year Ever in College Admission with Jeff Selingo 45:46

1 year ago45:46

45:46

In this episode of the Self-Driven Child Podcast, we're discussing the ever-tumultuous world of college admissions with special guest Jeff Selingo, a seasoned expert and author who's spent over two decades exploring higher education. We’ll dissect the complexities of the admissions process, the heightened stress it causes students and parents alike, and ponder the crucial question: can anything be done to alleviate this pressure? Join us as we navigate through Jeff’s latest insights and offer a fresh perspective on making the journey to college less daunting. Episode Highlights: [02:41] - Jeff shatters any illusions of an improved admissions scene. [03:16] - Reflecting on the evolution of early decision strategies. [04:49] - How large universities and early action plans are complicating the admissions narrative. [06:19] - Unraveling the strategy game behind early admissions. [09:04] - Discussing the broader implications of the admissions calendar shift. [13:20] - Commercial dynamics of college admissions and the priority list of institutions. [15:43] - The quest for diversity in admissions post-affirmative action. [17:35] - Examining the emotional and mental toll of the admissions process. [19:04] - How colleges desire for a vast applicant pool. [21:56] - Encouraging students to broaden their college search. [23:30] - Debunking the myth of the “perfect applicant”. [26:05] - Exploring alternative narratives and pathways. [26:59] - The contradiction of the college application. [29:25] - Big fish, small pond. [32:58] - The lottery winner’s pressure. [37:38] - The cycle of the same few colleges. [40:13] - Advice to kids in the search and application process. Links & Resources: •Jeff Selingo’s past guest episode on The Self Driven Child: Episode 4: Who Gets In and Why with Jeff Selingo •Jeff Selingo’s Books: Dive deeper into the world of college admissions and student success with Jeff’s insightful publications. https://jeffselingo.com/ •Jeff Selingo’s New York Magazine Article: Inside the Craziest College-Admissions Season Ever If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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The Sleep-Deprived Teen with Lisa L. Lewis 50:29

1 year ago50:29

50:29

Listen in as I chat with Journalist Lisa L. Lewis about the importance of sleep for teens. We explore why sleep matters for learning, behavior, and mental health. Lisa also shares her pivotal role in getting California to pass a landmark law on healthy school start times. We covered everything from the science of sleep to practical tips for ensuring our teens get the rest they need. You won't want to miss this episode if you're looking to understand the crucial role sleep plays in your teenager's life and well-being. Lisa L. Lewis is a leading expert on adolescent sleep who played an instrumental role in California passing a first-of-its-kind state law regulating middle and high school start times. Her book "The Sleep-Deprived Teen" is described by Ariana Huffington as "a call to action" and by Daniel Pink as "an urgent and timely read." Episode Highlights: [01:19] The issue with sleep deprivation on children and teens. [03:15] An op-ed Lisa wrote helped catalyze major statewide revolutionary change around school start times in California. [04:57] Lisa’s personal experience with her child in school starting very early in the morning. [05:33] Lisa put on her Journalism hat and researched other schools and the research on sleep deprivation. [12:26] Lisa highlights how being sleep deprived makes learning far more difficult across all stages. [18:17] Beyond duration, irregular sleep seriously sabotages academic performance too. [20:39] Lack of sleep eats away at teens' emotional resilience, exacerbating conditions like anxiety. [25:26] Exploring the challenges and solutions for changing school start times to benefit teen sleep. [30:43] Coordinated statewide change helps bypass complications related to sports scheduling across districts. [37:40] One remarkable example: a Florida school saw disciplinary issues, absentee rates and more improve after start times shifted later. [47:14] The importance of making sleep a family priority for both teens and parents. Links & Resources: •"The Sleep-Deprived Teen" by Lisa L. Lewis: https://www.lisallewis.com/book • The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson • What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Hunt, Gather, Parent with Michaeleen Doucleff 1:03:54

2 years ago1:03:54

1:03:54

In this episode, I chat with NPR reporter Michaeleen Doucleff about her New York Times bestseller, Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. We discuss what Michaeleen learned by taking her three-year-old daughter to learn parenting strategies from three indigenous communities: the Maya in Yucatán, the Inuit above the Arctic Circle, and the Hadzabe in Tanzania. She talks about finding parenting relationships based on cooperation rather than control, trust instead of fear, and personalized guidance rather than standardized expectations. Episode Highlights: [00:37] Introduction of Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff and her book, "Hunter Gatherer Parent." [01:53] Michaeleen's journey as a global health correspondent for NPR. [06:34] Exploration of parenting practices in various cultures. [10:11] Insights into the Maya community's approach to raising helpful children. [19:29] Michaeleen's personal experiences implementing these parenting techniques with her daughter. [30:39] Discussion on motivation and collaboration in parenting. [44:13] The impact of emotional regulation strategies from different cultures. [57:18] Addressing criticisms and the universality of these parenting methods. Links & Resources: • Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff • The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson • What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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New Year's Resolution: Aka, "How Do I Get My Kid To....?" 36:09

2 years ago36:09

36:09

In this episode, I have a great conversation with my co-author and friend Dr. Bill Stixrud about motivation and change, especially as we start a new year. We discuss the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and how to help kids find their own internal drive. Dr. Bill Stixrud is a clinical neuropsychologist and author. We have co-authored two books together - The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? He brings a wealth of knowledge about the adolescent brain and supporting kids' development. Episode Highlights: [02:18] - Sharing my own New Year's resolutions as an example. [05:03] - Explaining intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation. [06:16] - Discussing natural consequences using a story about my tractor. [09:39] - Connecting coping skills to motivation and change. [11:27] - Talking about the ambivalence people feel around change. [14:51] - Sharing a story about motivational interviewing and drug use. [20:32] - Emphasizing you can't force someone to change. [26:22] - Offering advice for parents who want to reset their approach. [30:14] - Laughing about a story from our new book. [33:51] - Wishing everyone a happy new year! Links & Resources: • The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson • What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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2023 Reflections 21:18

2 years ago21:18

21:18

I have spent over 25 years talking with parents about supporting their kids' education and wellbeing. After a turbulent few years dealing with the pandemic, I offer compassionate reflections on what I’ve learned about helping kids heal up before catching up academically. Episode Highlights: [02:22] - Kids tend to heal up before they catch up academically after disruptions like COVID. [05:11] - Focus on balancing healthy inflows and outflows of stress for families. [07:33] - Importance of parents being a non-anxious presence for kids. [09:44] - Let kids solve their own problems; don't take over. [12:11] - Anecdote about letting his son handle his own last-minute paper crunch. [15:55] - Excelling in college after years of school struggles. [19:22] - Kids want to do well even if they seem resistant. [21:33] - Changing the energy from pressure to support with a struggling student. [25:44] - Taking the long view and having confidence in kids. [27:11] - Things can get better even after really tough years. If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Embracing Adulting: Insights from Julie Lythcott-Haims 57:19

2 years ago57:19

57:19

In today’s episode, I dig into the art of adulting with the phenomenal Julie Lythcott-Haims. Julie is not just a former Stanford Dean and a New York Times bestselling author; she's a beacon of wisdom for the youth and an advocate for the exhilarating journey of self-reliance. Tune in as we unravel the complexities of adult life, discuss the power of human connection, and explore the intricacies of finding your 'why'. deliciousness of adulting! Timeline Summary: [00:00] - Julie opens up about the terror and exhilaration of stepping into adulthood and the deliciousness of being in charge of your own life. [02:46] - A warm welcome to Julie, as she joins the podcast, bringing her insights on the challenges of adulting in today’s world. [03:10] - Julie discusses her motivations for writing her latest book and reflects on her role as a guiding dean to the younger generation. [05:59] - The struggle and triumph of finding a voice that resonates with young adults. [10:27] - Unpacking the concept of adulting. [17:23] - The necessity of stepping out of your comfort zone to truly engage with life and develop resilience. [20:13] - The courage to be transparent and the power of sharing vulnerabilities. [30:46] - Julie's discussion with Irshad Manji about the moral courage in conversations and the power of listening. [37:47] - The deliberate inclusion of diverse voices and experiences to reflect the vast tapestry of human life. [43:36] - The significance of mentors and the impact of one caring adult in a young person's life. Links & Resources: - Julie Lythcott-Haims' TED Talk: ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting - Books: - "How to Raise an Adult" - "Real American" - "Your Turn: How to Be an Adult" If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Thanksgiving and Families: A Talk with Phyllis L. Fagell and Dr. Robyn Silverman 38:17

2 years ago38:17

38:17

This Thanksgiving episode tackles the inevitable family drama that comes with the holiday. I sat down with parenting experts Phyllis L. Fagell and Dr. Robyn Silverman to get their tips for navigating tricky conversations and situations with family members. We covered how to set expectations beforehand, validate kids' feelings without agreeing, use humor to defuse tense moments, and provide coping tools for when things go off the rails. The goal is to make the holiday more enjoyable for everyone - kids and adults alike! Tune in for practical strategies to make this Thanksgiving drama-free. I was joined by two of my favorite parenting experts: · Phyllis L. Fagell, school counselor and author of “Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times”. · Dr. Robyn Silverman, child and teen development specialist and author of “How to Talk to Kids about Anything: Tips, Scripts, Stories, and Steps to Make Even the Toughest Conversations Easier”. Timeline Summary: [02:00] How to set expectations with family beforehand. [03:57] Understanding kids' sensitivity around changes in their appearance. [06:09] Making sure adults are aware of their own triggers. [09:36] Giving kids an “out” if conversations get uncomfortable. [12:18] Redirecting family away from constant questions about school. [14:06] Using humor and screens to diffuse tense moments. [18:08] Coaching kids on sharing funny videos/memes. [19:29] Helping kids not feel “on the spot” in conversations. [22:10] Getting to know grandparents as real people, not just authority figures. [23:08] Alternatives to repetitive questions about school. [27:25] Validating kids' feelings when things go wrong. [31:53] Agreeing on facts versus feelings. [33:07] Using different coping mechanisms based on the child. [35:05] Having distractions/diversions ready when things go downhill. [35:50] Importance of food and blood sugar levels. Links & Resources: · Washington Post Article : Getting silly with your kids is vital. Here’s how to get play into your day. · Phyllis L. Fagell: https://phyllisfagell.com/ · Dr. Robyn Silverman: o Website: https://www.drrobynsilverman.com o Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/DrRobynSilverman/ I hope these practical tips help make Thanksgiving a little smoother for your family! If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to rate, follow, share, and review. Happy Thanksgiving! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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A Non-Anxious Presence with Dr. William Stixrud 29:52

2 years ago29:52

29:52

I'm joined by my co-host and co-author of The Self-Driven Child Dr. William Stixrud to discuss how to be a non-anxious presence for your kids when things feel stressful and scary in the world. As parents and educators, modeling calmness and confidence helps children feel braver. Dr. Bill Stixrud is a clinical neuropsychologist and co-author of the bestselling books The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? His work focuses on supporting kids to build resilience, motivation, and handle anxiety. Timeline Summary: [00:39] - Introducing the idea of a "non-anxious presence" and why it's so valuable for kids. [02:43] - Where Dr. Stixrud first came across this concept and what it means. [04:37] - Children look to parents' reactions in stressful situations. Staying calm helps kids feel confident. [06:16] - Accepting worst-case scenarios while remaining motivated to support your child. [09:23] - Taking care of yourself models self-care and brings equilibrium. [11:06] - The benefits of scheduling prescribed worry time. [12:40] - Dr. Stixrud's 50-year meditation practice for managing stress. [15:43] - Rats turning a wheel to activate the prefrontal cortex and reduce stress. [18:31] - Validating children's difficult feelings while emphasizing their competence. [21:02] - Making home a safe haven and modeling handling hard emotions. [22:35] - The recipe for developing resilience: stress plus rest and recovery. [24:09] - Being calm helps other people manage crises better. [25:50] - Good sleep gives perspective on challenges. [27:27] - Wishing for peace in the Middle East. Moving towards non-anxious presence. Links & Resources: · The Self-Driven Child by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson · What Do You Say? by Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson If you found this episode helpful, please rate, follow, share, and review the Self Driven Podcast. Being a non-anxious presence helps kids handle hard things. Look for opportunities to model calmness, confidence, and coping. Wishing you peace in unsettled times. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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How To Talk With Kids About Anything with Dr. Robyn Silverman 49:09

2 years ago49:09

49:09

In this insightful interview, I am joined by my friend and co-author Dr. William Stixrud to speak with child development specialist Dr. Robyn Silverman. We discuss her new book, How to Talk with Kids About Anything. We dive into tough but critical conversations like handling big emotions, building self-esteem, making mistakes, and forming friendships. Dr. Silverman shares valuable advice and scripts for connecting with kids through their triumphs and tribulations. Her vast experience and research is distilled into an accessible guide for parents and caregivers. Don’t miss her incredible insights on empowering kids to handle life’s ups and downs. This conversation overflows with compassion and tools to foster healthy communication. Dr. Robyn Silverman is a renowned child and teen development specialist seen frequently on national television programs. Her podcast “How to Talk with Kids About Anything” offers incredible wisdom from leading experts. Dr. William Stixrud and I have been guests sharing approaches from The Self-Driven Child. Now we have the tables turned and get to ask Dr. Silverman about her must-read new book. Timeline Summary: [02:26] – Starting the podcast after being bullied as a child when adults didn’t know what to say. [05:00] – The importance of giving kids words and understanding to handle life’s challenges. [06:28] – Emotional inhibition and invalidation lead kids to become more dysregulated over time. [08:33] – Discussing the benefits and catharsis of expressing sadness. [09:47] – Anger often masks hurt; getting underneath to find the real issue. [12:36] – Assuring kids of unconditional love, regardless of mistakes. [17:11] – Identifying when sadness becomes persistent depression. [19:39] – Allowing kids to go through the “tunnel” of hard feelings is better than taking those feelings away. [22:58] – Fostering self-esteem by celebrating kids’ unique strengths. [26:51] – Toxic perfectionism and low self-esteem start early and plague high achievers. [30:15] – The power of observing vs praise in building kids’ self-esteem. [33:08] – Guiding kids to recognize and leave toxic friendships. [35:58] – Sharing stories of famous failures to reframe mistakes as learning. [40:04] – Modeling imperfection and apologies fosters empathy in kids. [44:40] – Long parenting relationships mean we keep learning as kids grow. Connect with Dr. Robyn Silverman: · Robyn’s Podcast: How to Talk to Kids About Anything · Robyn’s Book: How to Talk with Kids About Anything Links & Resources: · Book: Raising a Kid Who Can Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If you found it insightful, I urge you to share it with others. And hey, if you enjoyed it, please don't forget to rate, follow, and review our podcast. Your support means the world to us. Until the next time, remember to love your kids and stay curious! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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This Simple Fix Could Help Anxious Kids: A Conversation with Lenore Skenazy 46:16

2 years ago46:16

46:16

I’m thrilled to have Lenore Skenazy, founder of the Free-Range Kids movement, as my guest on the show today. Lenore has been sounding the alarm about childhood anxiety and overprotection for years, and she shares powerful insights from psychology professor Camilo Ortiz’s recent research on how independence - not just accommodation - can help anxious kids thrive. Timeline Summary: [00:53] - Introducing Lenore Skenazy and the Free-Range Parenting movement. [02:09] – Lenore’s New York Times article about how we’ve increasingly deprived kids of independence. [06:15] - Camilo Ortiz tried “independence therapy” with anxious kids. [08:33] - This therapy works like cognitive behavioral therapy but starting with intrinsic motivation. [14:13] - Overprotection may make kids scared, not the world itself being scary. [16:19] - Taking away autonomy means no problem-solving. [19:03] - Trying to protect makes kids anxious. Independence provides chances to gain optimism. [24:32] - Activities create intrinsic motivation to overcome obstacles and build resilience. [27:17] - We’ve taken the foot off the developmental brake. [32:02] - Schools are ideal for “Let Grow” projects, normalizing independence among peers. [33:33] - Holding kids back sends a dangerous message. [43:32] - We must give kids freedom so they become brave, resilient adults. Connect with Lenore Skenazy: · LetGrow.org · Free-Range Kids · The New York Times: Anxious Kids Need to Learn Independence. Here’s How Parents Can Help Links & Resources: · The Croods Krispy Bear Dies! · The National Library of Medicine: Learned Helplessness at Fifty: Insights from Neuroscience · Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If you found it insightful, I urge you to share it with others. And hey, if you enjoyed it, please don't forget to rate, follow, and review our podcast. Your support means the world to us. Until the next time, remember to love your kids and stay curious! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic (with Jennifer Wallace) 41:02

2 years ago41:02

41:02

Today I talk with Jennifer Wallace, an award-winning journalist and author of "Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic and What We Can Do About It." With an illustrious career that began at “60 Minutes” and her current role as a Journalism Fellow at the Center for Parent and Teen Communication at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, Jennifer brings a wealth of knowledge and a keen eye to the discussion. Together, we discuss the intricacies of parental pressures, the weight of societal expectations, and the emotional toll it takes on children. As we navigate the turbulent waters of achievement and the idea of "never enough," Jennifer sheds light on the transforming landscape of parenthood and the silent battles our children face. Are parents unknowingly acting as conduits of social pressure? Can the prestige of a top-ranked college serve as a life vest in uncertain times, or is it turning into a lead vest drowning our children? Tune in for an episode filled with profound insights, backed by Jennifer's impeccable journalism and real-life anecdotes. Timeline Summary: [02:11] Shocking stats from nationwide parenting survey [05:45] Overworked teen runs laps on 5 hours of sleep [07:08] Relentless achievement culture like dystopian novel [08:04] Vital importance of sleep for anxious teens [11:04] Ned's "sleep stipend" motivates better rest [12:25] Sleep fuels anxiety's fire [15:21] Control and stress relation [18:31] Giving teens autonomy improves grades [19:41] 5:1 positive to negative interaction ratio [20:24] Abandoning play and downtime [22:39] Instilling balanced lives early on [23:23] "Don't talk that way about my kid!" [25:08] Not anti-achievement, just pro-balance [25:40] PDFT - playtime, downtime, family time [26:04] Parents as "social conduits" [27:41] Zero-sum thinking and safety nets [28:20] Teen already worried about affording food [29:02] Regressing down Maslow's hierarchy [30:34] The vital concept of mattering [33:55] Actionable mattering framework [35:02] Crumpled money "mattering hack" [36:07] Teaching internal vs. external pride [38:29] Nostalgia informing future direction Connect with Jennier Wallace: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/ Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic – and What We Can Do About It Links & Resources: · The Long Walk by Steven King · Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker · The Sleep-Deprived Teen by Lisa Lewis · If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Is it Autism? (with Dr. Donna Henderson) 52:03

2 years ago52:03

52:03

In this enlightening conversation with the brilliant Dr. Donna Henderson, we delve into a topic that's close to my heart: autism. We attempt to debunk common misconceptions, discuss the true prevalence of the condition, and explore the challenges faced by those living with autism. Dr. Henderson also shares insights from her new book, "Is This Autism?" and offers an in-depth look at the key criteria for diagnosing autism. Whether you're a parent, a teacher, or just someone looking to understand autism better, this episode is packed with valuable information. [00:41] - The common misconceptions about autism and the prevalence of autism. [08:55] - A personal anecdote about having an autistic daughter and the challenges she faces. Dr. Henderson explains how autism is a "neurological mismatch," not a character flaw. [11:26] - Discussion on the unique challenges faced by autistic individuals in social situations and the criteria used to diagnose autism. [15:05] - A case study on a student with autism and how his condition impacts his social interactions. [18:13] - Evolution of autism symptoms over time and whether individuals can "grow out" of it or learn to mask it. [20:33] - Conversation about unique habits of autistic individuals, such as flexing toes in shoes during intense situations. [26:05] - Dustin Hoffman's portrayal of an autistic character. [34:20] - Discussion about the emotional and cognitive taxing that socializing can have on autistic individuals. [28:09] – I share my experience as a boy with physical symptoms. [41:46] – Cautionary tale about making presumptions about another person’s autism diagnosis. [48:34] - Importance of educators being curious and open to learning about their students' unique experiences. [49:38] - Dr. Henderson discusses her book, "Is this Autism?" [50:01] - I share my experience as a parent. Links & Resources · Dr. Donna Henderson's Website: https://www.drdonnahenderson.com/ · Is this Autism? Book Website: https://www.isthisautism.com/ Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. If you found it insightful, I urge you to share it with others. And hey, if you enjoyed it, please don't forget to rate, follow, and review our podcast. Your support means the world to us. Until the next time, remember to love your kids and stay curious! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Lessons from a Middle School Counselor: Insights from Phyllis Fagell 1:06:42

2 years ago1:06:42

1:06:42

Ever wondered why middle school can feel like a turbulent ride not just for kids, but for parents too? In this episode, we dive deep into the world of middle schoolers with our special guest, Phyllis Fagell. Phyllis, a seasoned middle school counselor, shares her unique insights into the complexities of adolescence, identity formation, and the pivotal role that parents and educators play. Whether you're a parent, educator, or simply curious about the intricacies of this developmental stage, this episode offers a fresh perspective. Phyllis debunks some common misconceptions about the middle school experience and provides valuable strategies to navigate this often misunderstood phase. Timeline Summary [0:00] How to talk with kids to build motivation, stress tolerance, and a happy home. [6:38] Middle school is a phase of enormous growth and development, not suffering. [10:51] What should we look for when we see bullying. [15:00] Being different makes you a target in middle school, it’s associated with bullying. [20:52] How to talk to your kids so they don’t feel like they’re disappointed in you. [22:47] Where do we get the crazy idea that in order to help kids do better, we have to make them feel worse? [26:21] What is it about the brains of kids at this age? [33:52] When children identify with a core value, it improves academic performance in a way that persists. [37:43] The importance of having male influences in a boy’s life. [43:03] Why is it so hard for parents and schools to help kids with racial and ethnic differences? [48:46] What’s the difference between a real apology vs. a “sorry”? [57:03] Why is it so hard for parents to love their kids for who they are? Links & Resources - Phyllis's website: phyllisfagell.com - Phyllis's book, Middle School Matters: phyllisfagell.com/middle-school-matters/ I hope you enjoy this episode of "The Self-Driven Child". If you found our conversation with Phyllis Fagell insightful, please take a moment to rate and follow our podcast, share this episode with others, and leave a review. Your feedback helps us bring more meaningful content to you. Thanks for tuning in! If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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The Price You Pay For College with Ron Leiber 53:45

2 years ago53:45

53:45

In today’s episode, I have an important conversation with Ron Leiber, the Your Money columnist for the New York Times. He’s also the author of, The Price You Pay for College , the book we discuss during the podcast. He has some fascinating insights. I hope you will find them valuable! [1:50] Introducing Ron Lieber [3:01] Why he wrote The Price You Pay For College: An Entirely New Roadmap For The Biggest Financial Decision Your Family Will Ever Make [5:16] How much does college actually cost nowadays? [7:04] What is merit aid? [10:09] The “Chivas Regal” effect [12:14] Negative effects of merit aid [14:08] The complexity of the college aid system [17:45] Balancing expectations and cost [23:23] What are the three things you buy when you pay for a college education? [27:02] Different classes’ considerations regarding colleges [32:25] Parents’ and teens’ reasons for college attendance [34:29] Questions to ask & resources [37:39] The value of attending a diverse college [41:00] Psychological safety for marginalized people [47:28] Crucial considerations for all parents of college-bound kids [50:17] The financial serenity prayer [52:04] Final thoughts Links & Resources: New York Times Your Money column by Ron Lieber: https://www.nytimes.com/column/your-money Ron's book: The Price You Pay for College: https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/0062867318/ Thank you for joining us in this insightful discussion with Ron Lieber, where we dove into the complexities of college costs and the considerations every parent and student should make. From understanding the true price of college to navigating merit aid and creating psychological safety for marginalized groups, we hope this conversation has shed light on these important topics. We believe these are necessary discussions for fostering a self-driven child. Until next time, continue to explore, learn, and support your children in their journey to becoming self-driven individuals. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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The Addiction Inoculation: Protecting Our Kids in a Culture of Dependence 1:10:33

2 years ago1:10:33

1:10:33

In this episode, I speak with Jess Lahey about her latest book, The Addiction Inoculation, and what she learned from her work as a teacher at a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents. Jess talks candidly about the effects of alcohol and drug use on developing brains and provides parents with tips for having age appropriate discussions about the topic with their children and teenagers. Jess also shares how genetics, parenting styles, and education can all play a role in both risk and protective measures against child substance abuse. Join us for valuable insights into navigating how to raise healthy kids and prevent substance use disorder in children. Timestamps: [02:11] Introducing Jess Lahey. [03:27] What does an alcoholic look like? [05:39] Defining “substance use disorder”. [09:56] What should we know about substance abuse and developing brains? [16:28] The role of genetics and epigenetics on substance abuse. [21:33] Looking at the brain in early childhood and mindfulness. [29:53] Substance abuse and arrested development. [32:02] How to frame and encourage positive risk in adolescents. [34:56] Jess Lahey compares different schools of thought in addiction science and substance abuse. [38:49] What are the impacts of different parenting styles? [42:56] The importance of self-efficacy. [47:17] How to make education feel more relevant and connected for children and teens. [52:47] Jess Lahey discusses the importance of family connection with examples. [01:00:13] Jess Lahey talks about navigating her son’s friendship with a peer struggling with substance abuse. [01:04:37] Final question and piece of advice. After listening to our conversation, I hope you and your child are able to approach the topic of addiction and substance abuse with clarity and compassion. Resources: The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Failure-Parents-Children-Succeed/dp/0062299255 The Addiction Inoculation by Jessica Lahey: https://www.amazon.com/Addiction-Inoculation-Raising-Healthy-Dependence/dp/006288378X Jessica’s website: https://www.jessicalahey.com/ If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com…

The Self-Driven Child

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Navigating Childhood Anxiety: Insights from Eli Lebowitz 1:00:19

2 years ago1:00:19