Ep 189: When Asking For Safety Pushes Them Away (Is It Me or Them, Part 2)

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What happens when you ask your partner for reassurance, comfort, or safety — and instead of bringing you closer, it pushes them away?

In this episode, I take you deeper into the classic question from Ep 130, “Is It Me or Them?” We’ll explore why our nervous system reverts to child–parent dynamics in moments of fear, how to recognize when a younger wounded part is activated, and what it looks like to hold yourself instead of making your partner responsible for your sense of safety. Without abandoning your values or settling for crumbs.

You’ll walk away with practical insights for discerning between wounds and values, communicating from a mature place, and staying in the relational dojo long enough to turn conflict into intimacy.

Check out these related episodes:
Ep 130: Is It Me Or Them
Ep 187: Jealousy As Wisdom

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Chapters

1. Ep 189: When Asking For Safety Pushes Them Away (Is It Me or Them, Part 2) (00:00:00)

2. Welcome Back and Podcast Updates (00:01:30)

3. Implementing vs Just Consuming Information (00:04:05)

4. Relationship Question: Safety vs Boundaries (00:06:03)

5. Is It Me or Them? The Dance of Relating (00:09:46)

6. Wounds vs Values in Relationships (00:14:57)

7. Breaking Free from Child-Parent Dynamics (00:21:24)

8. Self-Regulation and Authentic Connection (00:26:52)

9. Growing Through Discomfort in Relationships (00:32:30)