TPP 434: Educator Lily Howard Scott on Shaping Kids Through Words

TILT Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Today, we are talking about one of the most accessible and impactful tools we’ve got to help our kids thrive. But this tool is so simple and obvious that we may not even realize its immense power. I’m talking about WORDS, as in, the words we use when talking with our children. The language we use with our children can make a profound difference in the way our kids relate to themselves and how their brains process situations.

We’re going to explore this concept with Lily Howard Scott, an educator, speaker, and author of the new book,The Words That Shape Us: The Science-Based Power of Teacher Language. Lily has spent nearly a decade teaching elementary school and now helps educators create classrooms where children feel known, valued, and empowered. She’s passionate about the ways language can influence how kids see themselves, process emotions, and build resilience, and she wrote this book to help teachers, parents, and any other adults who work with children positively transform how students think, feel, and achieve through effectively tapping into this tool that everyone has access to.

During our conversation, Lily shares how small shifts in the way we speak to children—both at home and in the classroom—can make a huge difference in their confidence, emotional intelligence, and ability to navigate challenges. We talked about practical strategies, like using metaphors to help kids manage emotions and reframing how we talk about mistakes and setbacks. Lily also explained the role that words play in fostering a sense of belonging and emotional safety in children, which is essential for learning and growth, especially for neurodivergent kids who may struggle with self-perception.

These are small shifts that can make a huge difference, so I hope you can take these suggestions and apply them right after you finish listening to this episode. Enjoy my conversation with Lily Howard Scott.

About Lily Howard Scott

Lily Howard Scott (MSEd) is an educator and author. Her work is centered around helping children navigate their inner lives, connect with each other, and take the risks that lead to meaningful learning. Scott presents regularly at national conferences, and her writing about the importance of a child-centric, holistic approach to teaching and learning has been published in Edutopia and The Washington Post, among other publications. For nearly 10 years, Lily taught elementary school in both public and independent settings. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and two young children. The Words That Shape Us (Scholastic) is her first book

Things you'll learn from this episode

• Why the language we use shapes how children see themselves, influencing their confidence, emotional intelligence, and self-perception
• The way that subtle shifts in language can create big changes, helping children navigate emotions, embrace mistakes as learning opportunities, and build self-compassion
• Why connection and belonging are essential—children thrive in environments where they feel known, valued, and encouraged to take risks
• How using language tools like "president decider" for thoughts and "feelings as visitors" can help kids manage emotions and self-talk in healthy ways.
• Why it's never too late to start using intentional, supportive language that clarifies feelings, reduces shame, and nurtures creativity and self-trust.

Resources mentioned

• Lily Howard Scott’s Website
• The Words that Shape Us: The Science-Based Practice of Teacher Language by Lily Howard Scott
• Lily on Instagram
• The Antiromantic Child: A Memoir of Unexpected Joy by Priscilla Gilman
• How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett
• Dr. Bruce Perry
• Dr. Richard Schwartz & Internal Family Systems
• Rainer Maria Rilke
• Ish: Creatilogy by Peter Reynolds
• David Foster Wallace
• On Children by Kahlil Gibran
• Dr. Ross Greene on Using CPS with Very Young Kids (Tilt Parenting podcast)

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