If your stepkid rejects you…

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

If your stepkid wants nothing to do with you, please know that's more of a reflection on what you represent to them than it is a commentary on your personality.

Your stepkid doesn't care how great you are. All they care is that you represent change, and change feels scary — especially to kids who are still shaken up from the massive upheaval of the divorce/breakup of their parents.

This makes stepparents the perfect candidates for stepkids to turn into scapegoats. Don’t like what’s for dinner? Blame the stepparent! Grouchy about the conflict between houses and sick of feeling stuck in the middle? Probably that dang stepparent’s fault!

A stepparent gives children of divorce a gift they never had before: a safe target for their unhappiness. Otherwise they'd have to acknowledge a lot of unpleasant truths about their parents, which most kids can't handle.

So if your stepkid's rejecting you, try not to take it personally. I know firsthand that's so much easier said than done. But honestly, these kids will change and grow and mature with time. Most of them will eventually sort out their mixed feelings and at that point your relationship will very likely change for the better. In the meantime, hang in there, keep breathing, and keep right on being your fabulous self. And if you need some extra support along the way, come join our support community in Substack. We’d love to have you. xo

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