Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Word & Song by Anthony Esolen

What do you do if it’s the Second World War, and your dad was a war hero in the First one, and everybody expects you to be a hero too, and why shouldn’t they, what with the name you’ve been saddled with: Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith (Eddie Bracken). But you’re kind of on the short side, a bit of a nebbish, and you’ve got hay fever so bad, the Marines have had to discharge you. But you can’t tell your widowed mother, who worships your dad’s memory, and then there’s the town, and your girl friend Libby whom you’ve got to impress.
So you’re working in a shipyard in San Diego, doing what you can, but you write letters home to Mom pretending that you’re overseas, knowing that she’ll be showing them around. Then you meet six Marines in a bar, and they really have just gotten back from Guadalcanal, and you tell them your story — it’s a sad one, because you’ve got yourself in a bind. But sure enough, the oldest of the Marines, Master Sergeant Heffelfinger (William Demarest; you may remember him as the grumbly good-hearted Uncle Charlie in My Three Sons), actually served with “Hinky Dinky” Truesmith in the Great War! And he’s got a plan. Gosh, what could six boozy Marines come up with, when they’ve got loyalty galore — and it’s six against one, so poor Woodrow can’t help but get helped, and so it’s off to the little town — and they’ve got an election for mayor coming up, and Libby’s been seeing the current mayor’s son, and — and there’s not a second wasted, all comedy of errors, good intentions, big white lies, Woodrow all jittery, Mom overjoyed, darn it — and it’s Preston Sturges, the director and writer, all over.

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Our Film of the Week was recommended to us by our dear friends Louis del Grande and Martha Gibson, whom our Canadian friends here may remember as the husband and wife team on the supremely popular comedy detective show, Seeing Things, back in the 1980’s. Louie and Martha are actually married, and we’ve spent many hours at their home, talking about books, dogs, crazy people, politics, television and films, music, antiques, and the Christian faith — which we share, and those two are saints of courage and patience and charity if ever I met any in my life. Anyhow, one day, back when we were all quite a lot younger and Debra and I were growing more and more interested in classic films, Louie said that in his opinion, The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek was the greatest comedy Hollywood ever produced. “I’ve never heard of it,” I said.
Here I could do a Louis del Grande impersonation — wide eyes, New York metro accent on the Jersey side, Italian decibels — “You have GOT to see it! You never HEARD of Preston Sturges? He’s BRILLIANT,” — and whenever Lou has recommended something to me, he’s been exactly right. His conversation is always immensely interesting, because he’s half crazy — he would say I’m selling him short there, and insist that he’s totally crazy — and because he thinks for himself, and he reads, and he’s seen some sides of life that aren’t in my experience, and he’s deeply religious, and he says what he thinks, straight out. So that’s when my family began to watch the films of Preston Sturges, and I agree entirely with my friend. For Sturges, without being sentimental, and while skating sometimes near the edge of tragedy, is never flippant, never merely satirical, never reaching for a cheap or quick laugh. Nobody ever wrote comic dialogue as snappy and madcap as Sturges did, like firecrackers going off one after another, but it’s never jaded, never tired; slapstick is there aplenty, but it’s closer to merriment than to cruelty; irony is never more than a step away, but never in the service of disbelief. Please don’t think I’m recommending Sturges because he’s got some deep meaning in mind! The depth is there, though, because he’s honest, and because, despite all the madness in the world, there is an unshakeable goodness, too.

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We have featured several of Sturges’ films here. There’s the one that gets my vote for the best comedy ever made in Hollywood, Sullivan's Travels; or the one that gets the vote of a friend of mine for the same, and my vote for the best satire on the sexes, The Lady Eve; and still another friend gives the nod to The Palm Beach Story. But this one above all the rest is about America, the good and the foolish, the profound and the superficial, the real and the bogus, and the cast is perfect, full of actors that Sturges was so loyal to, he ended up losing his contract with Paramount over his sticking up for them. Good for Sturges — but that was like him. In a way, he gives us heroes of the ordinary, and his wit is so irrepressible, he carries the viewer off in a whirlwind. This one too is for the whole family!

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