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46. How Trauma Shapes Behavior: A Look at Appeasement in Children
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In today’s episode, Dr. Brenda Murrow takes a look into behaviors we sometimes see in children that can feel confusing or hard to understand—like why a child might stay very close to a caregiver who’s actually causing them harm or distress. To start, she shares an example of how horses react unpredictably to things in their environments which helps us begin to see how behaviors in animals—and humans—can be shaped by their environment and survival needs.
Dr. Brenda Murrow then builds on the article we unpacked in episode 45, Entrapped Mother Entrapped Child: Agonic Mode Hierarchy and Appeasement and Intergenerational Abuse and Neglect by Amos, Segal, and Cantor. This article looks closely at how children in abusive or neglectful homes develop what are called “appeasement behaviors” to help them survive. One behavior Dr. Murrow highlights that the authors mentioned is called “reverted escape,” which describes a child’s seemingly paradoxical choice to stay near a dominant or even oppressive adult rather than run away. While this may seem counterintuitive, it’s actually a common survival strategy found in both humans and animals.
She also discusses other forms of appeasement behaviors like infantile mimicry, cowering, bowing, sickness behaviors, and even self-destructive behaviors—all ways that children might signal they don’t want conflict and are trying to remain safe in difficult environments. These behaviors, though often misunderstood, have deep roots in survival instincts shared across species.
Dr. Murrow reminds us that understanding the why behind behaviors—not just labeling them as “bad” or “problematic”—is essential to supporting children effectively. By viewing behavior through this lens, we can find better ways to intervene and support healing.
Understanding survival-based behaviors can change the way we respond—and ultimately help children feel safer and more supported.
References:
Amos, J., Segal, L., & Cantor, C. (2015). Entrapped Mother, Entrapped Child: Agonic Mode, Hierarchy and Appeasement in Intergenerational Abuse and Neglect. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 24(5), 1442–1450. https://doi-org.pgi.idm.oclc.org/10.1007/s10826-014-9950-3
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