#1268 - From Helicopter to Hover-Free: Helping Your Anxious Child Take Healthy Risks

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

What do you do when your anxiety has become their anxiety?

In this listener Q&A, Justin and Kylie respond to Amy from Melbourne—a self-diagnosed helicopter parent whose 9-year-old daughter now struggles with fear and risk aversion. With compassion and practical insight, they break down the difference between risky and dangerous play, explore the impact of parental anxiety, and offer real-world strategies to build your child’s confidence—without ignoring safety.

KEY POINTS

• Risk ≠ Danger:
  Risky play involves challenge with decision-making and agency. Dangerous or hazardous play involves hidden threats kids can’t yet assess.
• Why Risky Play Matters:
  It improves mental health, builds confidence, reduces anxiety, enhances learning, and strengthens decision-making.
• Parental Anxiety is Contagious:
  When parents over-control, children miss the chance to develop autonomy and trust in their own judgement.
• Structure Builds Competence:
  Autonomy-supportive parenting isn’t “hands off”—it means offering guidance, boundaries, and support while allowing your child to step up gradually.
• Small Steps Lead to Big Growth:
  You don’t have to throw your child in the deep end. Micro-risks—like ordering lunch, paying for milk, or exploring a store aisle alone—build trust and resilience.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The goal is to keep children as safe as necessary—not as safe as possible.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• The Parenting Revolution by Dr Justin Coulson
• happyfamilies.com.au – More resources for autonomy-supportive parenting
• Submit your question: happyfamilies.com.au/podcast

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

1. Start With a Conversation
   Gently acknowledge your own anxiety and let your child know you’re learning to trust her more.
2. Introduce Low-Stakes Risks:
• Let her pay for something at the shops
• Send her to order lunch while you wait nearby
• Assign a small independent task at home
3. Teach, Then Step Back
   Give your child the structure to succeed—rules, expectations, safety cues—then give them space to apply it.
4. Increase Freedom Gradually
   As both your and your child’s confidence grows, slowly expand what she’s allowed to do without your help.
5. Keep Safety Contextual
   Not every environment is safe for independence. Know your context, but look for creative alternatives to build autonomy.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.