Trauma vs. Entitlement: Finding Balance in High Conflict Situations

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Beyond Trauma-Informed: Finding Balance Between Compassion and Consequences

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the complex relationship between trauma-informed approaches and setting appropriate boundaries when dealing with high conflict situations. This timely discussion examines how professionals and individuals can balance empathy with necessary limits.

Understanding Trauma and Entitlement

The episode delves into how trauma experiences and entitled behavior can sometimes overlap, yet require different responses. Bill Eddy shares insights from his article "Are We Being Too Nice in High Conflict Situations?" highlighting the importance of maintaining appropriate boundaries while acknowledging genuine trauma.

The discussion explores how some individuals may use past trauma as justification for problematic behavior, while others may demonstrate entitled behavior without trauma history. The hosts emphasize the need for a balanced approach that combines trauma-informed methods with clear limit-setting.

Questions We Answer in This Episode

• How do we distinguish between trauma response and entitled behavior?
• When should we set limits with someone who has experienced trauma?
• How can professionals balance empathy with boundary-setting?
• What role does DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) play in addressing these issues?
• How can families handle situations involving threats of self-harm?

Key Takeaways

• Trauma history doesn't excuse harmful behavior toward others
• Setting limits can be an act of respect and care
• Professional help is crucial when dealing with serious threats
• The SLIC method (Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences) offers practical guidance
• Interventions work best when conducted as coordinated group efforts

The episode provides valuable insights for professionals and individuals navigating complex relationships where trauma and entitled behavior intersect. Rather than choosing between empathy and boundaries, listeners learn how to implement both approaches effectively.

Additional Resources

Expert Publications

• Article: SLIC Solutions: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 ½ Steps
• Article: Are We Being too Nice with High Conflict Behavior?
• Book: The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in The Healing of Trauma - Paperback by Bessel Van der Kolk M.D.
• Book alert: email [email protected] to be notified when SLIC Solutions book by Bill Eddy is released

Professional Development

• ConflictInfluencer.com
• New Ways Training types and dates: For professionals (HR; Workplace leaders; divorce counselors and coaches; mediators) to learn how to work with high-conflict cases, clients or situations

Resources

• EMDRIA.com: EMDR International Association (trauma treatment training/resources)
• DialecticalBehaviorTherapy.com: A free course for taking control of your thoughts, emotions, and relationships. 40+ lessons with guides, videos, and worksheets.

Connect With Us

• Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
• Submit questions for Bill and Megan
• Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
• Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (01:34) - Trauma and Entitlement
• (01:51) - You're Being Too Nice
• (07:09) - Setting Limits
• (08:23) - Possibilities
• (12:32) - Broader Context or Narrower?
• (16:51) - Empathy at a Distance
• (21:10) - Pointing to Where Limits Need to Be Set
• (22:35) - Example
• (25:47) - If Threats Continue
• (31:29) - Wrap Up
• (32:00) - Reminders

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