Why Do We Sabotage Our Happiness? Discover the Upper Limit

Mental Health Potluck

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Episode Summary

Have you ever noticed that when things in your life start going really well, you suddenly find yourself procrastinating, picking fights, or making careless mistakes? You’re not alone. This episode dives into the Upper Limit Problem, a concept from The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, which suggests that we all have an internal “thermostat” for how much success, love, and happiness we think we deserve.

When we exceed our comfort zone, our subconscious mind tries to pull us back down by self-sabotage. Whether it’s in relationships, career, personal growth, or finances, these hidden patterns can keep us stuck—unless we learn to recognize and break them.

In this episode, we explore:

• How self-sabotage shows up in everyday life.
• Where these internal limits come from—family messages, past trauma, and social conditioning.
• Practical strategies for raising your success thermostat and allowing yourself to thrive.

If you’ve ever felt like you keep getting in your own way, this episode will help you understand why—and, more importantly, how to change it.

Key Topics Covered

🔹 What Is the Upper Limit Problem?

• Introduced by Gay Hendricks in The Big Leap, this concept explains why we unconsciously sabotage our own happiness and success when we exceed our perceived limits.
• The idea of an “internal thermostat” that regulates how much good we allow ourselves to experience.

🔹 How Self-Sabotage Shows Up in Daily Life

• Relationships: Picking fights or creating drama when things feel too good.
• Work: Procrastinating or slacking off after a big promotion or success.
• Money: Overspending after a financial windfall, returning to a familiar financial baseline.
• Mental Health: Stopping therapy when progress starts feeling too real.

🔹 Why We Self-Sabotage and How to Break the Cycle

• The role of childhood messages, fear of outshining others, and past trauma.
• Recognizing self-sabotage patterns and expanding your comfort zone.
• Learning to sit with success, instead of running from it.
• Practical mindset shifts to raise your success thermostat.

Important Definitions & Concepts

Upper Limit Problem: A psychological concept from The Big Leap describing the subconscious tendency to sabotage success when we exceed our perceived comfort zone.

Self-Sabotage: Engaging in behaviors that hold you back from achieving your goals, often driven by fear, self-doubt, or limiting beliefs.

Success Thermostat: A metaphor for the internal threshold we have

About Danny Clark
Danny Clark is a licensed clinical social worker and family therapist based in Houston, Texas. As the founder of Texas Insight Center, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families navigate mental health challenges with practical, evidence-based approaches.
💡 Is therapy right for you? Let’s talk. If you’re struggling with stress or emotional regulation or just want to explore healthier coping strategies, reach out for a consultation. Visit www.texasinsightcenter.com to learn more and schedule a session.
📩 Have a question or topic suggestion? Send it to [email protected]
You can also follow me on Instagram @texasinsightcenter or visit my webpage at texasinsightcenter.com

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Chapters

1. Introducing the Upper Limit Problem (00:00:00)

2. What is the Upper Limit Problem (00:01:37)

3. How this shows up in everyday life (00:02:26)

4. Why self sabotage happens (00:04:07)

5. How to break the cycle (00:05:12)

6. Final challenge (00:06:45)