#182: What to Do When Your Partner Doesn't Want to Work on Themselves (or the Relationship)

On Attachment

#Society #Relationship #Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #Stephanie Rigg

24:35

It’s the very first episode of The Big Pitch with Jimmy Carr and our first guest is Phil Wang! And Phil’s subgenre is…This Place is Evil. We’re talking psychological torture, we’re talking gory death scenes, we’re talking Lorraine Kelly?! The Big Pitch with Jimmy Carr is a brand new comedy podcast where each week a different celebrity guest pitches an idea for a film based on one of the SUPER niche sub-genres on Netflix. From ‘Steamy Crime Movies from the 1970s’ to ‘Australian Dysfunctional Family Comedies Starring A Strong Female Lead’, our celebrity guests will pitch their wacky plot, their dream cast, the marketing stunts, and everything in between. By the end of every episode, Jimmy Carr, Comedian by night / “Netflix Executive” by day, will decide whether the pitch is greenlit or condemned to development hell! Listen on all podcast platforms and watch on the Netflix Is A Joke YouTube Channel . The Big Pitch is a co-production by Netflix and BBC Studios Audio. Jimmy Carr is an award-winning stand-up comedian and writer, touring his brand-new show JIMMY CARR: LAUGHS FUNNY throughout the USA from May to November this year, as well as across the UK and Europe, before hitting Australia and New Zealand in early 2026. All info and tickets for the tour are available at JIMMYCARR.COM Production Coordinator: Becky Carewe-Jeffries Production Manager: Mabel Finnegan-Wright Editor: Stuart Reid Producer: Pete Strauss Executive Producer: Richard Morris Executive Producers for Netflix: Kathryn Huyghue, Erica Brady, and David Markowitz Set Design: Helen Coyston Studios: Tower Bridge Studios Make Up: Samantha Coughlan Cameras: Daniel Spencer Sound: Charlie Emery Branding: Tim Lane Photography: James Hole…

9 weeks ago 22:38

MP3•Episode home

In this episode, we’re exploring what to do when your partner doesn’t seem interested in personal growth or improving the relationship. We’ll talk about why this happens, what it means (and doesn’t mean), and how to navigate it in a way that honours your own needs without defaulting to blame or control.

Whether you're in a long-term partnership or navigating something newer, this conversation will help you feel more grounded and clear in how you show up when things feel one-sided.

In this episode, I cover:

Why some people resist self-work or relationship growth
How attachment styles shape our responses to discomfort and change
The difference between inviting vs. demanding growth
Why your healing doesn’t depend on your partner's participation
What to do when you’ve tried everything and still feel stuck

Highlighted Links

Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge
FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
September 2025 London Event Waitlist

Additional Resources

191 episodes

#182: What to Do When Your Partner Doesn't Want to Work on Themselves (or the Relationship)

On Attachment

62 subscribers

published 9 weeks ago

MP3•Episode home

Whether you're in a long-term partnership or navigating something newer, this conversation will help you feel more grounded and clear in how you show up when things feel one-sided.

In this episode, I cover:

Why some people resist self-work or relationship growth
How attachment styles shape our responses to discomfort and change
The difference between inviting vs. demanding growth
Why your healing doesn’t depend on your partner's participation
What to do when you’ve tried everything and still feel stuck

Highlighted Links

Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge
FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
September 2025 London Event Waitlist

Additional Resources

191 episodes

#Society #Relationship #Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #Stephanie Rigg

All episodes

On Attachment

1
#191: Pleasure, Rest, & Feeling Good in a Culture of Chronic Stress 21:16

3 days ago21:16

21:16

In this episode, we're exploring why so many of us struggle to access pleasure, rest, and a felt sense of wellbeing — especially in a culture that glorifies productivity, self-sacrifice, and chronic stress. If you've ever felt like slowing down or doing something just because it feels good triggers guilt, anxiety, or even restlessness… you're not alone. We'll look at: How chronic stress and hypervigilance disrupt our ability to feel good Why pleasure and rest often feel unsafe or unearned The role of the nervous system in receiving nourishment and joy How burnout and self-worth issues intersect Small, everyday ways to start rebuilding your capacity for pleasure and ease This episode is a gentle invitation to notice the forces that have pulled you away from yourself — and to begin reclaiming the parts of you that long to feel good. Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#190: How to Stop the Anxious Spiral 20:25

10 days ago20:25

20:25

If you find yourself spiralling into anxiety — overanalysing a text, catastrophising worst-case scenarios, or feeling like your nervous system is in overdrive — this episode is for you. Today we’re talking about how to stop the anxious spiral before it takes over. I’ll walk you through what actually happens in your body and mind during a spiral, why it makes so much sense if you struggle with anxious attachment, and what you can do to interrupt that cycle in the moment. I’ll also share some longer-term strategies for building resilience and emotional regulation so these spirals become less frequent and less intense over time. We’ll cover: What triggers the anxious spiral and how it gains momentum Simple tools to calm your system and regain perspective Why nervous system regulation is essential to breaking the pattern How self-worth plays a role in stopping spirals before they start Whether you’re in the thick of anxiety right now or want to feel more in control next time it hits, I hope this episode leaves you feeling more grounded, compassionate, and empowered. Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#189: Why Anxiously Attached People Struggle with Jealousy 20:59

13 days ago20:59

20:59

Jealousy is one of the most common—and most shamed—experiences for people with anxious attachment. In this episode, we’re exploring where jealousy really comes from, how it manifests in relationships, and why it makes so much sense through the lens of self-worth and attachment wounding. I share personal reflections from my own journey with jealousy, alongside insights to help you understand your patterns with more compassion and clarity. Whether you obsessively compare yourself to others, feel threatened by your partner’s past, or find yourself spinning out when you don’t feel like a priority, this episode will help you start untangling the deeper fears driving those reactions. We’ll cover: Why jealousy is often a symptom of deeper insecurity and low self-worth The difference between jealousy and envy — and why both show up for anxiously attached people Common behaviours (like social media stalking or reassurance-seeking) and why they don’t actually soothe your fears What to do when jealousy arises — and why shame only makes it worse Why building self-worth is the most powerful antidote to chronic jealousy Sign up for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#188: When Your Relationship Feels Stuck (& What to Do About It) 20:46

21 days ago20:46

20:46

Feeling stuck in your relationship? Like things are off, disconnected, or just… heavy? You're not alone. Relationship ruts are common — and they're often more about what's bleeding into the relationship (stress, burnout, life overload) than about the relationship itself. For those in anxious-avoidant dynamics, these ruts can feel especially charged. The anxious partner often wants to fix it, while the avoidant may feel overwhelmed or pressured — leading to even more distance. In this episode, I share 3 powerful shifts to help you move out of a rut and back into connection: Shift your focus to what is working — Appreciation and warmth go further than criticism. Reconnect through something light — Play, fun, and novelty can do what words sometimes can’t. Tend to your own world — Reclaim your centre so the relationship doesn’t carry the full weight of your wellbeing. Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#187: Is It Better to Heal While Single or in a Relationship? 24:37

28 days ago24:37

24:37

Whether you’re single or partnered, you might find yourself wondering: Am I in the right place to do this work? There’s often an unspoken belief that there’s a “best” time to heal — and that if we’re not doing it in the ideal conditions, we’re doing it wrong. In this episode, I’ll explore: The advantages and limitations of healing while single Why being in a relationship can accelerate your growth (but only under the right conditions) How emotional safety plays a key role in healing Why the question itself might be coming from a place of fear, shame, or comparison How to work with whatever season you're in and meet yourself there Whether you're currently dating, in a relationship, or consciously taking space from romantic connection — this conversation will help you better understand the unique opportunities (and challenges) each path offers. Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#186: When Life Hasn't Gone to Plan 21:32

5 weeks ago21:32

21:32

We all have visions for how we thought life would unfold — timelines we hoped to follow, milestones we expected to reach. So what happens when life doesn't go to plan? In today’s episode, I’m speaking to those moments of disappointment, grief, and disorientation that come when our reality looks nothing like we’d imagined. Whether it’s relationships, career, family, or a more intangible sense of where you “should” be by now — it’s easy to spiral into self-blame, shame, or despair when life veers off course. We’ll explore: Why unmet timelines can stir such deep emotion and shame The hidden comparison traps that make us feel like we’re falling behind How to hold space for grief without collapsing into hopelessness The difference between giving up and gently letting go What it looks like to reimagine your path from a place of self-trust and compassion If you’re navigating a chapter that looks wildly different from what you’d hoped or planned — I hope this conversation helps you feel a little less alone. Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#185: How Caretaking Impacts Our Relationships 21:30

6 weeks ago21:30

21:30

REGISTER FOR MY NEW FREE TRAINING Many of us are taught that taking care of the people we love is the ultimate expression of devotion. But when caring crosses the line into caretaking, it can quietly create deep imbalances in our relationships. Caretaking often stems from anxiety, a need for control, or an old belief that love must be earned through over-functioning — anticipating needs, smoothing over discomfort, managing someone else's feelings or life for them. While it can look like love on the surface, it often leaves both partners stuck: one overextending, the other under-functioning, and both feeling disconnected. In this episode, we explore: The key differences between caring and caretaking How caretaking can create resentment, imbalance, and emotional dependency Why caretaking is often a hidden form of control Signs you might be caught in a caretaking dynamic How to shift towards healthier, more empowering ways of loving and relating Building secure, connected relationships isn't about fixing or rescuing each other — it's about standing alongside each other, with enough trust to let each person take responsibility for themselves. Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#184: Understanding the Power Struggle Stage of Relationships 26:45

7 weeks ago26:45

26:45

Most relationships move through a phase where things start to feel harder than they used to. The spark has dimmed, tension is bubbling beneath the surface, and it feels like you’re constantly clashing or misfiring. This is what’s often called the power struggle stage — and while it can be incredibly challenging, it’s also a powerful opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy. In today’s episode, we’re talking about: What the power struggle stage is and why it happens How insecure attachment patterns can intensify this dynamic The common traps couples fall into during this phase What to do (and not do) if you want to move through it When the power struggle becomes a sign of misalignment rather than a phase If you’ve found yourself wondering whether you’re growing apart or just navigating something difficult and necessary — this episode is for you. Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#183: How to Be a Better Partner 22:19

8 weeks ago22:19

22:19

When we think about improving our relationships, we’re often focused on what isn’t working — what our partner could do differently, how we’re not getting our needs met, where communication is breaking down. But in this episode, I want to invite a slightly different lens: what does it mean to be a better partner? Not from a place of self-sacrifice or perfectionism, but from a grounded, secure place. One that’s rooted in love, compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to show up with care. In this episode, we explore: Why our capacity to sit with discomfort can shape the tone of our relationships What it really means to listen with curiosity, rather than defensiveness How our own insecurities can make us self-focused without realising it The importance of meaningful repair after conflict The difference between blame and honest self-reflection Why it matters to love your partner the way they receive love—not just how you like to give it These aren’t tips to make yourself more palatable or easygoing. They’re invitations to grow, to connect more deeply, and to take ownership of your part in creating a secure and nourishing relational space. Free Masterclass: Anxious-Avoidant Relationships Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#182: What to Do When Your Partner Doesn't Want to Work on Themselves (or the Relationship) 22:38

9 weeks ago22:38

22:38

One of the hardest things to face in a relationship is feeling like you're growing and evolving, while your partner seems simply unwilling to meet you there. Maybe you’ve suggested therapy, brought up recurring issues, or shared books and podcasts you love, only to be met with silence, shutdown, or defensiveness. In this episode, we’re exploring what to do when your partner doesn’t seem interested in personal growth or improving the relationship. We’ll talk about why this happens, what it means (and doesn’t mean), and how to navigate it in a way that honours your own needs without defaulting to blame or control. Whether you're in a long-term partnership or navigating something newer, this conversation will help you feel more grounded and clear in how you show up when things feel one-sided. In this episode, I cover: Why some people resist self-work or relationship growth How attachment styles shape our responses to discomfort and change The difference between inviting vs. demanding growth Why your healing doesn’t depend on your partner's participation What to do when you’ve tried everything and still feel stuck Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#181: The Demonisation of Avoidant Attachment (& Why It Has to Stop) 26:39

11 weeks ago26:39

26:39

In today’s episode, I’m diving into a topic that’s both close to my heart and foundational to how I approach this work: the widespread demonisation of avoidant attachment — and why we need to stop doing it. It’s all too common, especially in online spaces, for people (often those with anxious attachment) to project blame, anger, and sweeping judgments onto those with avoidant attachment styles. But while that instinct may feel validating in the short term, it actually keeps us stuck. This episode is a call for compassion and nuance — not just for others, but for ourselves. Whether you’ve been hurt by someone with avoidant tendencies in the past or are currently struggling with anxious-avoidant dynamics, this conversation will invite you to take a broader, more honest look at the patterns playing out in your relationships and what healing really requires. In this episode, I cover: Why avoidant attachment is so often misunderstood and unfairly vilified How our instinct to blame keeps us stuck in insecure patterns The deeper origins of avoidant attachment — and how understanding this helps build compassion Why anger, blame, and black-and-white thinking won’t help you heal The role of boundaries, discernment, and self-responsibility in moving forward If you're committed to growing into a more secure, grounded version of yourself, this episode is an invitation to pause and reflect on the narratives you’re holding — about others, and about yourself. Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#180: 5 Hard Truths About Healing Anxious Attachment 22:39

12 weeks ago22:39

22:39

Healing anxious attachment is a life-changing journey — but it’s not always easy. While moving toward secure attachment can bring more ease, confidence, and healthier relationships, it also requires confronting some uncomfortable truths along the way. In this episode, we’re unpacking five hard truths about healing that will help you set realistic expectations and stay committed to your growth. What We Cover in This Episode: Why healing isn’t always comfortable — and why grief is often part of the process The myth of waking up one day as "fully secure" and what real progress looks like How healing might disrupt your relationships (and why not everyone will like the changes you make) Why you won’t stop getting triggered — but how you can gain more control over your reactions The surprising truth: sometimes you’ll miss your old patterns, even the unhealthy ones Healing doesn’t mean never struggling again. It means showing up differently, practicing new choices, and being compassionate with yourself along the way. If you're in the thick of it, know that you're not alone, and every step forward matters. Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#179: Why You Struggle With Self-Trust 15:40

13 weeks ago15:40

15:40

Self-trust is something we all want, but many of us struggle to build it. If you find yourself second-guessing your decisions, over-preparing for worst-case scenarios, or feeling like you can't rely on yourself, you're not alone. In this episode, we’re unpacking why self-trust is so challenging, especially for those with anxious attachment, and how to shift your focus to build a strong foundation of inner security. What We Cover in This Episode: Why anxiety craves control — and how this undermines self-trust The inverse relationship between trust and control How trying to prevent bad things from happening leads to self-blame A powerful reframe: self-trust isn’t about making the "right" decision, but making decisions in alignment with your values The biggest ways we unknowingly damage self-trust Why building self-trust is essential for healing anxious attachment Self-trust isn’t about getting everything right or ensuring a perfect outcome, but about showing up with integrity and knowing you have your own back. 💌 Join the VIP List for Healing Anxious Attachment's Birthday Sale 💌 Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#178: When Your Partner Isn't Meeting Your Needs 20:27

14 weeks ago20:27

20:27

It’s painful when you feel like your needs in a relationship aren’t being met. Whether it’s emotional intimacy, quality time, affection, or communication, this can lead to frustration, loneliness, and resentment — especially if you’ve voiced your needs and still don’t see change. In this episode, we’re exploring: Why anxiously attached people so often get stuck around needs What to focus on if you feel stuck in a cycle of unmet needs How to know when it’s a compatibility issue vs. a communication issue If you’ve ever wondered whether your needs are “too much” or felt torn between self-advocacy and keeping the peace, this episode will give you clarity on how to navigate these conversations with confidence and self-respect. Healing Anxious Attachment's 3rd Birthday Sale! Join the VIP list here. Highlighted Links Join the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 2025 London Event Waitlist Additional Resources Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website…

On Attachment

1
#177: How Social Media Exacerbates Anxious Attachment 23:22

14 weeks ago23:22