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142. Feeling Used by Your Teen? How to Move Away from Transactional Parenting With Trevor Allen
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“I do so much for them, and they don’t even notice”. Sounds like a familiar thought? Many parents of struggling teens or young adults feel used, taken for granted, or stuck in a dynamic where love feels more like a series of trades than a relationship.
In this episode, I’m joined again by therapist Trevor Allen to unpack the tricky dynamic of transactional parenting and behavior: what it is, how it shows up, and most importantly, how to shift out of it. From “I let you go out, so you should clean your room” to “I do everything for you, and you won’t even help me out,” we explore how as well-meaning parents we can end up in a tit-for-tat cycle that erodes trust and connection.
It’s not only us as parents who can experience this and feel unseen. Believe it or not, our teens might be experiencing the same thing. Miscommunication, mismatched expectations, and unspoken needs can keep both parent and teen feeling unseen.
This is a compassionate, eye-opening episode for any parent trying to find their way back to genuine connection, without keeping the score. Not everything has to feel like a negotiation. Let’s explore this topic more in today’s episode.
In this episode on feeling used by your teen, we cover:
- What transactional parenting is and why it often shows up during tough seasons;
- How the “I give, you give” pattern damages trust and connection;
- What to say when you feel used or taken for granted by your teen;
- How to spot (and shift) transactional tendencies in your parenting;
- The importance of modeling healthy, reciprocal relationships;
- Why it’s compliance but connection that is at the foundation for long-term change;
- And more!
Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]
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And remember parents, the change begins with us.
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