E.212 Beyond the Hero Complex: How Learning to Ask for Help Transforms Men's Lives

Resilience Development in Action

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What does authentic masculinity look like in a world that teaches boys to hide their emotions from an early age? Leadership coach Lee Povey takes us on his transformative journey from needing to be the hero in every relationship to discovering the profound power of vulnerability.
Growing up with a narcissistic father who saw Lee's achievements only as extensions of himself left him with a deep question that persists even at 52 years old: what does it really mean to be a man? His search led him to therapy and men's groups where he discovered what had been missing—the ability to be seen, heard, and guided by older men who accepted him fully.
This conversation takes a dramatic turn when Lee reveals how a devastating cycling accident in 2010 forced him to confront his inability to ask for help. "I wanted to be always okay and I wanted you to be not okay so I could save you," he shares, describing how this "hero complex" had sabotaged his relationships and limited his growth. The vulnerability required during his recovery ultimately transformed every aspect of his life.
Both Steve and Lee explore why men struggle with emotional expression, introducing practical approaches for reclaiming our full emotional range. Lee's "cookie jar" analogy brilliantly illustrates how we lose capacity for feedback when we experience too much criticism without sufficient acknowledgment. The key to effective men's groups? Creating judgment-free spaces where men can first be heard before receiving guidance.
Whether you work with men professionally or are simply interested in developing greater emotional intelligence, this episode offers profound insights into creating spaces where vulnerability becomes strength. As Steve powerfully states, "If you ever make fun of my vulnerability, you're the asshole, not me."
Join us to discover how embracing our full humanity—including the emotions we've been taught to suppress—leads to more authentic connections, better leadership, and greater resilience in the face of life's challenges.

This discussion will continue on episode 215!

To connect with Lee, go to his website at www.leepovey.com

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Chapters

1. Introduction to Resilience in Action (00:00:00)

2. Meet Lee Povey: From Athlete to Coach (00:01:35)

3. The Journey to Men's Groups (00:06:10)

4. Giving and Receiving Effective Feedback (00:10:55)

5. The Crash That Changed Everything (00:18:35)

6. Why Men Struggle with Vulnerability (00:24:20)

7. Building Emotional Intelligence in Groups (00:29:35)