Date Selfishly, Love Authentically: Matchmaking Wisdom from Daphney Poyser

Sisters In Sobriety

Have you ever stared at your phone wondering where all the emotionally available adults are? In today’s episode of Sisters in Sobriety, we have Daphney Poyser, the founder and CEO of Fern Connections—a values-driven, LGBTQIA+ and ally-inclusive matchmaking and dating coaching company. Daphney’s mission is help people date with intention and build meaningful relationships rooted in authenticity. Today, she’s here to help us navigate dating—especially while sober—with more clarity and confidence.

We dig into the real-life challenges of dating in recovery, touching on everything from emotional prep work to the myths we carry from childhood about what love should look like. What does compatibility really mean? Is it okay to have expectations? And what does it mean to “selfishly date”—and why is that a good thing?

You'll s will walk away with tools for building more conscious relationships—whether you’re using a dating app, working with a matchmaker, or stepping out into the sober dating world for the first time.

You’ll also hear Daphney’s personal story—how becoming a widow in 2019 led her to pivot out of corporate America and into founding Fern Connections, a service inspired in part by her queer daughter and family members. Daphney shares her own journey of finding love again later in life, learning to set boundaries, and building a business that centers care, consent, and clarity.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.

Episode Highlights

00:02 – Meet Daphney Poyser, and how losing her husband led her to start a matchmaking company

00:04 – Why Fern Connections was created to serve the LGBTQIA+ and ally community

00:07 – Discussing sober dating and what it means to show up without numbing

00:09 – Why you shouldn’t have to dull yourself to go on a date

00:10 – The importance of emotional safety and matching clients with aligned values

00:12 – What to do when someone says they’re fine with sobriety—but turns out they’re not

00:14 – Why women should be “selfish daters” and not worry about being the “good guy”

00:16 – How to emotionally prepare for dating after long-term relationships

00:18 – Pre- and post-date journaling as a mindfulness tool

00:20 – The myth of “no expectations” and why love should be conditional

00:22 – Relationship contracts and writing down what really matters

00:24 – How childhood messages shape what we believe about marriage

00:27 – Helping clients unpack their unrealistic dating checklists

00:30 – The problem with assuming no one’s “good enough”

00:33 – Chemistry vs. compatibility—and why the spark might not mean what you think

00:35 – How unresolved trauma influences what feels familiar in dating

00:38 – Oversharing on first dates: why less is sometimes more

00:41 – Confidence rituals before dates and the power of listening

00:43 – What qualities Daphney looks for when matching clients

00:47 – Dating apps: their impact on mental health and connection

00:51 – Tips for transitioning from online to in-person dating

00:54 – Red flags to watch for, including love bombing and mirroring

00:57 – Why peaceful love may feel boring—and why it’s often the real deal

Guest Links

🌐 Daphney’s Website: fernconnections.com

📸 Daphney’s Instagram: @fernconnections

Sisters In Sobriety Links

💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen

📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email

📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram

🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast

📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

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