Sorry Not Sorry: Why Your Apologies Might Be Making Things Worse

Still Becoming One

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Relationship conflict is inevitable, but the key to healthy relationships lies in effective repair—acknowledging impact and taking responsibility rather than just saying, "sorry you were hurt."
• Conflict in relationships is normal, but repair is essential for rebuilding connection
• There's a critical difference between "I'm sorry you were hurt" and "I'm sorry I hurt you"
• Effective repair involves listening well, owning your impact, and discussing future changes
• Different personalities seek different things in apologies—understanding your partner's needs is crucial
• Managing different perceptions of reality without arguing about "facts" helps resolve conflicts
• Forgiveness involves acknowledging harm and choosing not to require payment for it
• Modeling good repair with children teaches them relationship skills for their future
• Repairing doesn't always mean changing your decision, but it does mean acknowledging the impact
• The sooner we repair, the smaller our relationship ruptures remain
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Chapters

1. Welcome to Still Becoming One (00:00:00)

2. Understanding Conflict in Relationships (00:02:39)

3. The Difference Between True Repair and Excuses (00:12:53)

4. Three Steps to Effective Relationship Repair (00:21:09)

5. Managing Different Realities in Conflict (00:27:10)

6. The Role of Forgiveness in Repair (00:34:43)

7. Using Apology Languages for Better Connection (00:42:50)