63. What Did You Replace Your Cheater With?

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

#Fitness #Society #Relationship #Sexuality #Tracy Schorn #Sarah Gorrell

1:40:41

Episode Notes [00:00] The Power of Vulnerability [01:57] Meet Ashley Kirsner [03:55] The Impact of Active Listening [05:02] A Transformative Call [06:25] The Magic of Open-Ended Questions [13:28] The Role of Basic Needs in Emotional Well-being [17:10] The Birth of Skip the Small Talk [25:18] The First Skip the Small Talk Event [28:39] The Evolution of Skip the Small Talk [32:56] Online Events During COVID-19 [34:58] Work At An Anxiety Lab [38:08] The Importance of Positive Questions [42:40] The Power of Repeated Questions [45:33] Attending a Skip the Small Talk Event [46:14] The Speed Dating Format [47:21] Encouraging Anxious Participants [48:45] The Power of Sharing Deeply [49:32] Consistent Findings on Vulnerability [50:13] Understanding Oversharing [51:11] Structure and Time Management [52:18] Facilitators and Norms [53:12] Contact Information Norms [55:06] Intentional Iteration and Safety [56:37] The Role of Participants [59:01] Financial Accessibility and Investment [01:00:43] Balancing Accessibility and Compensation [01:01:49] Compensating Facilitators [01:04:39] Physiological Benefits of Deep Conversations [01:07:00] Research on Loneliness and Connection [01:09:02] The Impact of Loneliness on Health [01:10:41] The Role of Sleep in Connection [01:13:42] The Importance of Group Interactions [01:15:10] The Power of Intentional Conversations [01:20:26] Learning from Gathering Experts [01:23:19] Right Now Question & Following Curiosity [01:30:18] Where You Can Find Skip The Small Talk [01:35:45] Takeaway Thoughts & Questions Resources Mentioned Skip The Small Talk Chris Voss Finding Good with Brian Fretwell Dr. Nicholas Epley DBT - Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Brene Brown How We Gather by Priya Parker Power of Ritual by Casper ter Kuile How We Gather by Dr. Angie Thurston - Harvard Divinity School Death of Rasputin Harvard Graduate School of Education Harvard Wharton Business School MIT GE Aviation Act Blue Beauty Pill Producer Ben Ford Questions Asked When did you first understand the power of questions? How would this possibly work? What are we doing here? How could this possibly be effective? What is it that asking questions actually does for us? In this deep end of the pool, for what you experience as a suicide hotline counselor, what does that look like? How did that impact you? Were there questions that you found most impactful on that end? Are you feeling suicidal right now? Do you have a weapon? Do you have a plan? Do you have any objects to complete that plan with you right now? Are you comfortable being in a different room from it while we're having this conversation? When's the last time you slept? When's the last time you ate? Can we get some food in you? Can we take a walk? Do they know anything you're experiencing right now? If the roles were reversed and it were your partner or your cousin or your parent who were going through something like this, would you want them to tell you about it? Do you think they wanna know if you're going through a tough time? What if we had a space where we were all on the same page? Can you take a moment to go home and be a little more vulnerable with your roommate, partner, family, or neighbors? Can you take that skill with you into the rest of your life? How are you doing right now? How did you decide to do your first skip-the-small-talk event? When's the next one gonna be? Is this even possible? How do you have people switch partners in a way that makes sense online? How do we do this? What do you got for us? How do we do this for like hundreds of people? Can you talk about that story of where you pulled the questions from, and why you chose the different questions that you did? Where do you live? What do you like about where you live? What's the worst thing you've ever experienced? When's the last time you cried? When's the last time you experienced awe? What's something you're proud of that you don't normally get to share with people or that might not be on a resume? Specifically asking what are pieces of yourself that you don't normally get to share? What is a favorite ice cream? What was something that this organization has done right to help you? What do you think it is about the structure that allows for that to happen? What other elements are at play here? Finances would be a barrier, can you help me out? Do you wanna do it for free? Due to your position in society, does it make you more or less likely to go to prison? How can we do subtle things so that you don't have to necessarily out yourself as having an invisible disability, but still get your needs met? How can we make people with marginalized identities feel comfortable opening up? How do we make those spaces feel safer? What is your right now question? What makes an experience awesome? What makes storytelling awesome? Why was this moment so powerful? Why do we dim the lights a little at dinner parties What little things can you do to trick your physiology to be more immersed in an experience? Does doing a new novel activity with someone, trick your brain into being more excited about hanging out with someone? How can you make these memories more tactile? What does the tablecloth feel like? What do the napkins feel like? Can you just do five more of these? Can we do this throughout the year? What assumptions are you making about how much others want to know about your inner world, and how might testing those assumptions change your relationships? How might your community benefit from structured opportunities to practice deeper connection, and what role could you play in creating those spaces? If you treated meaningful conversation as essential to your health, as sleep or exercise, how would that change your daily priorities and choices? Are your questions designed to extract information or to create conditions where others can share the best parts of themselves?…

about a year ago 28:54

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A woman writes to say she swapped her cheating husband for a Roomba. Her new appliance vacuums, never gaslights her, and comes back to its home port every night. We asked: What did you replace your cheater with? We've got upgrades of every kind. And cats. A lot of cats.

97 episodes

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

63. What Did You Replace Your Cheater With?

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

published about a year ago

MP3•Episode home

97 episodes

#Fitness #Society #Relationship #Sexuality #Tracy Schorn #Sarah Gorrell

All episodes

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
97. How Was Your Cheater Exposed? 25:06

1 day ago25:06

25:06

Sarah and Tracy hear from listeners about how their cheaters' affairs were exposed. (None of them by Jumbotron, alas.) Some affair partners outed the relationships to win the pick-me dance. In other cases, technology mishaps led to discovery. (Why don't these people learn how devices synch?) It's painful however you find out, but it's better to know than waster another minute being duped.…

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
96. When Affair Partners Marry 26:02

8 days ago26:02

26:02

Guest cohost Jenny aka The Happy Hausfrau blogger and Tracy discuss the Bezo wedding extravangaza and what happens when affair partners marry. We hear from listeners about Schmoopie nupitals and what marriage means to the monogamy challenged.

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
95. Coldplay Cheater Schadenfreude 29:16

15 days ago29:16

29:16

It's the biggest cheating scandal of the year -- former Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and his subordinate HR Chief Kristin Cabot caught mid-canoodle by a Jumbotron "kiss cam." The world is reveling in schadenfreude, but what does it mean to the chumped? Vindication? A beautiful accountability fantasy come true? Sympathy for the kids involved? We hear from listeners about their feelings on the Jumbotron story and why cheater ridicule is having a moment.…

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
94. Are AI Girlfriends Cheating? The ChatGPT Schmoopie 13:46

22 days ago13:46

13:46

Guest co-host Jenny aka the Happy Hausfrau blogger and Tracy snark about the guy who proposed marriage to his ChatGPT girlfriend, but not his live-in girlfriend and mother of his child. Are ChatGPT paramours the new frontier in AI cheating? How narcissistic is it to have a programmable girlfriend?

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
93. Crazy Cheater Reactions to Being Caught 18:48

5 weeks ago18:48

18:48

You never know what kind of reaction you'll get when you confront a cheater. On the one hand are the stone cold freaks with no adaptive anxiety. They lean into their lies and never break a sweat. Even in the face of hard evidence. Alternatively, are the cheaters who completely lose their composure. To the guy who had a meltdown and hopped away in a sleeping bag, to others who feign psychiatric crises. In this episode we hear about your cheaters' craziest reactions to being busted.…

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
92. What Else Didn't You Know About? 27:30

7 weeks ago27:30

27:30

Besides the cheating, what else didn't you know about? Listeners tell us the details of their cheaters double lives beyond the sex. The missing monies. The hooker habit. An entire other family. Where there's one secret, you may find others.

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
91. Reconciliation and the Dave Grohl Baby Mama Drama 16:54

8 weeks ago16:54

16:54

In this episode Tracy gives her take on the news that Dave Grohl and his wife Jordyn Blum have decided to reconcile. While Grohl simultaneously has committed himself to being a "hands on" father with his daughter by his affair partner. Could we please change the discourse that single parents aren't family enough? And stop the assumption that everyone needs the FW in their lives? Just cash the check and live your own life.…

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
90. Her Husband Swears He Isn't Gay, He Just Cheats with Men 15:58

9 weeks ago15:58

15:58

Tracy and Sarah respond to a listener's dilemma about her husband. He's cheating with men, but swears he's not gay. She's trying to get him into sex addiction therapy. Also, a Fuckwit of the Week submission -- exotic vacations discoveries to which you weren't invited.

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
89. Should You Tell the Children About the Affair? 25:25

10 weeks ago25:25

25:25

In this episode, we react to an atrocious column in the New York Times by therapist Lori Gottlieb, where a woman asks if she should be honest with her children about their father's cheating and the resulting divorce. Gottlieb shames the woman for even considering speaking of her betrayal and defers to the man's narrative instead. (You drove him to it.) Sarah and Tracy weigh in.…

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
88. Stupid Cheater Life Plans 32:03

11 weeks ago32:03

32:03

Did you thwart a cheater's happiness? Are you the obstacle to their greatness? In this episode Tracy and Sarah explore stupid cheater life plans. The grass is always greener on the other side of whatever they committed to. Including you. Listeners share the impulsive schemes and dreams, the alpaca farm, the missionary job that wasn't, and the lost opportunity to be a kiteboarder.…

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
87. Worst Reconciliation Advice You Got 38:21

12 weeks ago38:21

38:21

If you just discovered your partner cheating, chances are you got some common reconciliaton advice like "Wait 6 months before you make a decision." Or "Don't tell anyone." Or moronic warnings about "affair fog." (They know not what they do! Maybe if you wait patiently they'll return to you and it will Make Your Marriage Stronger!) In this episode, listeners tell us the worst, victim-blaming, nonsensical advice they got after D-Day.…

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
86. Stop Labeling Partners of Sex Addicts "Codependent" - An Interview with Diane Strickland 31:21

13 weeks ago31:21

31:21

In this re-edited interview, we talk with trauma specialist Diane Strickland and creator of the site yourstoryissafehere.com about sex addiction and partners being labeled "codependent." Why women are shamed for their anger. And much more.

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
85. Sexually Deceptive People -- An Interview with Dr. Omar Minwalla 48:15

14 weeks ago48:15

48:15

In this re-edited version of an earlier recording, Sarah and Tracy spoke with Dr. Omar Minwalla, a therapist who is known for his work "The Secret Sexual Basement." He sees infidelity as abusive and a sexual deception problem, which makes him something of an outlier in the therapy community. We talk about his model, infidelity as abuse, and how to change the narrative with mental health professionals.…

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
84. Affair Proofing Your Marriage and Andrew G. Marshall 42:21

15 weeks ago42:21

42:21

In this re-edited version of an early broadcast, Tracy and Sarah challenge therapist Andrew G. Marshall on his promise that marriages can be affair-proofed. Did he say that? Was he taken out of context when he told women that they must apologize to their unfaithful husbands?

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
83. The Weirdest Things Cheaters Wanted in the Divorce or Breakup 34:55

16 weeks ago34:55

34:55

In this episode we hear about all the imponderable things cheaters wanted in the breakup. Not real estate, or children, or sentimental items. But weird stuff, like flooring tiles they'll never use. Or that book on West Virginia coal mining. Or your grandmother's dining room set. Is it spite? Are they clueless? Tracy and Sarah react to your many submissions.…

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
67. The Unknowing Other Woman and Her Child 19:53

35 weeks ago19:53

19:53

A listener calls in to discuss being an unknowing Other Woman. Her cheater had three other families, as it turns out, including her child. She asks for understanding for those in complicated family situations. Children of cheaters are victims too.

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
66. Gender Bias in Family Court: An Interview with Dr. Christine Cocchiola and Amy Polacko 42:51

36 weeks ago42:51

42:51

In this interview with therapist Dr. Christine Cocchiola and investigative journalist Amy Polacko we discuss gender bias in family court. Both women have experienced domestic violence and in their book Framed, they shared the stories of women whose abusers weaponized the legal system against them in divorce and custody fights. Cocchiola and Polacko give pointers on what to look for before you get involved with these characters and how you can protect yourself.…

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
65. The Widow's Guide to Dead Bastards: An Interview with Jessica Waite 44:24

37 weeks ago44:24

44:24

After Jessica Waite's husband suddenly died of a heart attack, she discovered the extent of his double life -- long-term affairs, prostitutes, debt and drug use. In her memoir, "The Widow's Guide to Dead Bastards" she describes how she survived this devastating betrayal, came to terms with her late husband's memory, raised their son alone, and rebuilt her life. She discusses with Tracy how she decided to not keep his secrets and voiced her own truth instead.…

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

1
64. 10 Ways to Cope When Jerks Win 18:20

38 weeks ago18:20

18:20

Tracy, as Chump Lady, has made quite a study of overcoming oppressive jerks. In this recorded pep talk, she expands on a recent blog post she wrote on how to eat the shit sandwich of injustice and keep on going.

Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

34 weeks ago41:10