How to Not Raise a Nazi (with Alfie Kohn).... #39

The Whole Parent Podcast

Key Links:

📖 Get My Book: Punishment-Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice – Available Now

📖 Get Alfie Kohn's Books: Unconditional Parenting and Punished By Rewards
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Episode Description:

What if the very thing we’ve been striving for as parents—obedience—wasn’t actually a virtue? What if, instead of making our kids good, it made them vulnerable?

In this episode, we take a hard look at the dangers of unquestioning compliance. We start at the Nuremberg Trials, where Nazi officials defended their crimes with four chilling words: I was just following orders. We revisit the infamous Milgram experiment, where 65% of ordinary people delivered what they believed to be fatal electric shocks—just because an authority figure told them to.

Then, we bring it home.
How does this obsession with obedience play out in our parenting?

With the help of Alfie Kohn—renowned author and parenting expert—we examine why traditional parenting methods prioritize compliance, why that might be a problem, and what we can do instead. We break down research showing that demanding obedience undermines empathy, critical thinking, and moral integrity.

By the end of this episode, you’ll learn:
✅ Why most parents unknowingly work against their long-term parenting goals
✅ How punishment and rewards both create conditional love—and what to do instead
✅ The real-world dangers of raising kids to obey without question
✅ What research-backed strategies actually help kids become ethical, independent, and strong

Because one day, we won’t be the authority in their lives anymore. And the only voice left… will be their own.

Chapters & Key Moments:

🔹 (00:10) The Chilling History of Obedience – From Nuremberg to Milgram: How history warns us about blind compliance
🔹 (07:00) The Parent’s Dilemma – Why parents say they want independent, critical thinkers… but demand obedience
🔹 (12:45) The Cost of Compliance – What happens when we condition kids to follow orders at all costs
🔹 (18:10) Unconditional Parenting with Alfie Kohn – A deep dive into parenting beyond punishment and rewards
🔹 (26:40) The Real Goal of Parenting – How to raise kids who think for themselves, challenge injustice, and make good choices

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Chapters

1. How to Not Raise a Nazi (with Alfie Kohn).... #39 (00:00:00)

2. Parenting (00:00:10)

3. Raising Ethical, Critical Thinkers (00:16:08)

4. Exclusive Parenting Insights and Resources (00:35:51)