E129: Dark Triad, Romantic Partner Selection, and Dating Advice w/ Rob Henderson

"Upstream" with Erik Torenberg

Today on Upstream, Erik Torenberg interviews author Rob Henderson about modern romance, discussing evolutionary psychology, the attraction to dark triad men, dating apps, and practical advice for men seeking romantic partners.

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LINKS:

Why (Some) Women are Attracted to Violent Men: https://www.robkhenderson.com/p/why-some-women-are-attracted-to-violent

 How to Choose a Romantic Partner: https://www.robkhenderson.com/p/how-to-choose-a-romantic-partner

Richard Wrangham’s The Goodness Paradox: https://www.amazon.com/Goodness-Paradox-Relationship-Violence-Evolution/dp/1101870907

Frans de Waal’s writings: https://www.goodreads.com/author/list/112082.Frans_de_Waal

David Gilmore’s Manhood in the Making: https://www.amazon.com/Manhood-Making-Cultural-Concepts-Masculinity/dp/0300050763

Neil Strauss’ The Game (Pickup Artists): https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738

The Social Dimension of Sex: https://www.amazon.com/Social-Dimension-Sex-Roy-Baumeister/dp/0205324428

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X / TWITTER:

@robkhenderson

@eriktorenberg

@turpentinemedia

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HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE EPISODE:

• Evolutionary theory suggests some women may be drawn to men with dark triad personality traits (narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavellianism) as a protective mechanism.
• Men who achieve high status among other men tend to also attract women.
• Pickup artist culture evolved from self-improvement advice to more pessimistic "black pill" incel communities.
• Basic improvements for men seeking relationships include grooming, fitness, career advancement, and creating a comfortable living space.
• Research shows the strongest correlations between couples are in education, intelligence, political beliefs, and religion.
• The effectiveness of showing vulnerability depends on how you're already perceived socially.
• There's a significant lack of relationship guidance for young people compared to abundant career advice.
• Dating preferences show more variety than expected, suggesting more opportunities than pessimistic views indicate.