When Giving Backfires: Healing the Anxiety of Overgiving

Calm Your Caveman

This episode starts with a conversation with my mom, who has spent a lifetime quietly serving others and finding real joy in it. But for me, giving didn’t always bring peace — it often brought guilt, pressure, and anxiety. If service is supposed to make us happier, why can it sometimes feel so heavy? I open up about my own dysfunctional relationship with giving, how it was harming rather than helping, and what finally shifted. Learn the two major blocks that might be keeping you from experiencing the mental health benefits of kindness — and how to turn giving into a powerful, joyful tool for emotional healing.
00:30 – Welcome & Introduction
00:52 – My Mom’s Service and What She Gains From It
9:19 – When Service Becomes a Burden
10:58 – The Global Science of Kindness
12:29 – Learning to Put My Oxygen Mask on First
16:09 – Choice vs Obligation in Service
21:56 – Kindness Narrative: Making a Support Fund

For full episode, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/when-giving-backfires:-healing-the-anxiety-of-overgiving
Music:
J.S. Bach, Goldberg Variations, Transcribed for String Trio (excerpts). Performed by Avery Ensemble live 12/2/2017. Used by permission.
To see original performance go to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TELZsL_5W2c
Harmonia Artificioso-Ariosa, Partita No. 4 in E flat Major (excerpts). Performed by the Avery Ensemble, recorded 2017. Used by permission. To stream recording go to: https://music.apple.com/br/album/mozart-biber-creston-schoenfield/1373331850?l=en-GB
More information at https://www.averyensemble.com/

Chapters

1. Welcome & Introduction (00:00:00)

2. My Mom’s Quiet Ministry of Visits (00:00:52)

3. When Service Becomes a Burden (00:09:19)

4. The Global Science of Kindness (00:10:58)

5. Learning to Put My Oxygen Mask on First (00:12:29)

6. Choice vs Obligation in Service (00:16:09)

7. Kindness Narrative: Making a Support Fund (00:21:56)