Authentically ADHD – ADHD, Alexithymia, and Anhedonia: Understanding Emotions and Motivation

Authentically ADHD with Carmen

Authentically ADHD – ADHD, Alexithymia, and Anhedonia: Understanding Emotions and Motivation

Hello and welcome to Authentically ADHD! I’m Carmen, your host. Today, we’re diving into a topic that might hit very close to home for a lot of us: the confusing intersection of ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia. Now, those are some big, clinical-sounding words – but don’t worry. We’re going to break them down in plain language and talk about how they can overlap in real life. If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I figure out what I’m feeling?” or “Why don’t I enjoy things the way I used to?”, or if you find yourself emotionally drained after a long day of masking your ADHD traits, then this episode is for you.

In this 25–30 minute journey, we’ll mix a bit of neuroscience (in a friendly, non-intimidating way) with personal storytelling. I’ll share some of my own experiences, and we’ll explore what research says about why these experiences happen. By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia really mean, why they often go hand-in-hand (especially in neurodivergent folks like us), and what we can do to cope and thrive. We’ll also bust some common myths and misunderstandings – including why these issues often get overlooked or dismissed, especially in women and people diagnosed later in life. And as always, we’ll wrap up with strategies and a big dose of validation and hope. So, get comfy (or start that task you’ve been putting off and take us along!), and let’s get started.

Understanding ADHD, Alexithymia, and Anhedonia

Before we delve into how these things intersect, let’s clearly define each of these terms. They each describe a different piece of the puzzle of our emotional and mental life. Understanding what they are will help us see how they connect. In a nutshell:

ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder): ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by persistent patterns of inattention (difficulty focusing, forgetfulness), hyperactivity (restlessness, fidgeting), and impulsivity (acting without thinking) that interfere with daily functioningneurolaunch.com. In adults, ADHD can look like struggling to stay organized, constantly losing your keys, jumping from one idea to another, or even feeling emotionally impulsive. It’s not just “kids being hyper” – it’s a lifelong brain-based condition affecting how we concentrate, manage time, and regulate behavior and emotions.

Alexithymia: Alexithymia is not a disorder but a personality trait or profile, often described as having difficulty identifying and describing your emotionsneurodivergentinsights.com. The word literally means “without words for emotion.” If you have alexithymia, you might feel strong emotions physically (like a racing heart or a knot in your stomach) but struggle to pinpoint what the emotion is (is it anxiety? anger? hunger?) and find words to express it. Alexithymia exists on a spectrum – some people have mild trouble with emotions, others have it to a more severe degreeneurodivergentinsights.com. It frequently co-occurs with neurodivergent conditions; in fact, research suggests that a significant subset of people with ADHD (estimates range from about 20% to over 40%) also have alexithymianeurodivergentinsights.combhcsmt.com. So, if you have ADHD and you’ve always felt “out of touch” with your emotions, alexithymia might be a concept that resonates with you.

Anhedonia: Anhedonia means an inability or reduced ability to experience pleasure. It’s like the volume knob for enjoyment is turned way down. People with anhedonia struggle to feel joy or interest in activities that used to be fun or rewardingneurolaunch.com. This term is often discussed in the context of depression (since losing pleasure is a core symptom of depressive episodes), but it’s not exclusive to depression. As we’ll explore, anhedonia can also show up in ADHD. If you find that hobbies, socializing, or accomplishments don’t light you up the way they do for others (or the way they once did for you), anhedonia could be at play. It can feel like emotional flatness or being chronically “uninspired” – you want to want things, but the feeling isn’t there.

Each of these three – ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia – is distinct. ADHD is an officially recognized neurodevelopmental condition affecting attention and self-regulation. Alexithymia is a descriptive trait about emotional awareness. Anhedonia is a symptom state of not experiencing pleasure. Yet, despite their differences, these experiences often overlap and tangle together, especially for neurodivergent individuals. When someone has ADHD, they’re more likely to also experience traits of alexithymianeurodivergentinsights.com, and they may be more prone to anhedonia or “low hedonic tone” (low baseline ability to feel reward) than the general populationen.wikipedia.org. Why is that? Let’s dig into the brain science to find out.

The Neuroscience Behind the Overlap

So, why do ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia so often form a trio? To answer that, we need to talk about how our brains process emotions and rewards. Don’t worry – we’ll keep it conversational. Imagine your brain as an orchestra: different sections handle different parts of the music. When everything’s in tune, you get a harmonious experience of life – you feel emotions, you find joy in activities, you focus when you need to. With ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia, some sections of the orchestra are either playing off-key or playing too quietly to hear.

One key player here is dopamine, a neurotransmitter often nicknamed the “reward chemical.” Dopamine is heavily involved in motivation, pleasure, and attention – basically the brain’s way of saying “Hey, this is important/fun, focus on this!” In ADHD brains, dopamine signaling doesn’t work typically; it can be underactive or dysregulatedneurolaunch.comneurolaunch.com. Think of it like a weak Wi-Fi signal in the reward circuits of the brain – messages about reward and pleasure just aren’t getting through fast or strong enough. Because of this, everyday tasks might not feel as rewarding to someone with ADHD as they do to someone without ADHD. Science actually shows that ADHD-related dopamine impairments can dysregulate the brain’s reward processing and lead to anhedonia (difficulty feeling pleasure) in some individualsen.wikipedia.org. In other words, the same brain chemistry quirk that makes it hard to concentrate can also turn down the volume on enjoyment and motivation.

Now, what about alexithymia? While dopamine is more about the reward system, alexithymia has a lot to do with our brain’s emotional awareness and interoception (a fancy word for sensing the internal state of your body). Some researchers believe alexithymia is essentially a problem with how the brain’s insula and related regions process internal signalsbhcsmt.com. The insula is like the brain’s monitor for bodily and emotional sensations – it helps you notice a fast heartbeat and connect it to “I feel anxious,” for example. In alexithymia, that monitoring system might be glitchy. Emotions are still happening under the hood (we still produce the bodily reactions and basic emotional responses), but the translation of those signals into conscious awareness and labels doesn’t work well. It’s as if the brain doesn’t label the emotions correctly or at all. This is why someone with alexithymia can seem calm or unaffected externally while internally their heart is pounding – they truly might not recognize what they’re feeling, or they might just register a vague discomfort without an emotional label. Interestingly, alexithymia has been called a “disconnect between the emotional and thinking parts of the brain.” The emotional signals are there, but the cortex (thinking brain) can’t interpret them properly.

So, how do these tie together? ADHD and alexithymia share some overlapping brain differences. For one, both are linked to difficulties in emotional regulation. ADHD isn’t just about attention – many experts now recognize that emotional impulsivity and difficulty regulating feelings are core aspects of ADHD for many peopleneurodivergentinsights.com. If you have ADHD, you might feel things more intensely but also more fleetingly, and you can struggle to manage those feelings (for example, quick frustration, or being easily hurt by criticism, then rapidly switching to another mood). Now add alexithymia into the mix: you have big emotions (possibly ADHD-related) but poor insight into them. That’s a challenging combo! In fact, having alexithymia can make it even harder for ADHDers to understand and regulate their emotional ups and downsneurodivergentinsights.comneurodivergentinsights.com. It’s like trying to drive a car with a super sensitive gas pedal (ADHD emotions) but a foggy windshield (alexithymia blocking your view of what’s happening inside you).

Neuroscience also hints at other overlaps. Both ADHD and alexithymia have been associated with atypical functioning in the prefrontal cortex (the brain’s executive control center) and in connections between the cortex and deeper emotional brain regions. ADHD’s executive function challenges mean the brain can struggle to pause and reflect – which might also affect the ability to reflect on and name emotions. If you’re constantly chasing the next stimulus or fighting to focus, you might not have the bandwidth to analyze “What am I feeling right now?” Similarly, alexithymia may involve less activation or connectivity in areas that integrate bodily states into emotional awareness (like the anterior insula, for those who love brain specifics). There’s even some evidence pointing to dopamine’s role in emotional awareness: conditions with dopamine dysfunction (like Parkinson’s disease and yes, ADHD) show high rates of alexithymiabhcsmt.com. Fascinatingly, one study found that when ADHD patients with alexithymia were treated with stimulant medication (which boosts dopamine), their alexithymia scores improved and they became more emotionally aware over six monthsbhcsmt.combhcsmt.com. That’s a neat clue that brain chemistry ties these experiences together. Dopamine doesn’t just help you focus; it also might help you feel.

In summary, the brain’s reward and emotion systems are interconnected. ADHD’s neurochemistry (like low dopamine) can set the stage for anhedonia – the brain isn’t signaling “reward!” as it should, so you might not feel the pleasure or motivation that others do from the same eventneurolaunch.comen.wikipedia.org. Meanwhile, ADHD’s cognitive and emotional dysregulation can set the stage for alexithymia – life is fast, attention is scattered, emotions swing, and the self-reflection wires get crossed, leaving you unsure of what you feel. And of course, alexithymia itself can contribute to anhedonia: if you struggle to recognize feelings, you might also have trouble recognizing pleasure or excitement. In fact, one hallmark of alexithymia is an externally oriented thinking style and little attention to inner feelings, which has been linked to a reduced ability to experience positive emotionsneurodivergentinsights.com. That sounds an awful lot like blunted pleasure. So these three concepts feed into each other in a cycle. Next, let’s talk about what that cycle feels like in everyday life.

When These Worlds Collide: Emotional Regulation, Motivation, and Daily Life

Living with any one of these — ADHD, alexithymia, or anhedonia — can be challenging. But when they overlap, it can feel like a perfect storm. Let’s paint a picture of how that overlap can complicate emotional regulation, motivation, and just day-to-day functioning:

1. Emotional Regulation Woes: With ADHD, emotions can be intense and quick to change, but also quick to be forgotten. Add alexithymia, and you might not even know what you’re feeling until it boils over. Many of us with ADHD have been told we’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting,” when in reality we felt an emotion suddenly and strongly, and it was hard to modulate it. Now imagine not having a good handle on what that emotion was – that’s the alexithymia piece. You might go from zero to sixty (calm to furious or panicked) without recognizing, “I’m getting upset” until you’re at the breaking point. Afterwards, you might struggle to explain to someone (or to yourself) why you reacted that way, because you lack words for those internal states. This overlap often leads to feeling out of control or ashamed of one’s emotions. It can also lead to something I call emotional whiplash: you’re overwhelmed by feelings in one moment, and utterly numb the next. That numbness can be a form of anhedonia or emotional shutdown – a brain response where, after so much intense feeling and confusion, you kind of just go blank. Over time, experiencing this rollercoaster can make you anxious about your own emotional reactions (“What if I explode or break down and I don’t even know why?”).

2. Motivation and Reward: A common ADHD experience is struggling to start or finish tasks that aren’t inherently interesting – our brains crave stimulation (the “interest-based nervous system,” as it’s sometimes called). Now tack on anhedonia. If you don’t feel much pleasure or reward even when you complete something or do something fun, it’s doubly hard to motivate yourself. It becomes a vicious cycleneurolaunch.comneurolaunch.com: ADHD makes it hard to stick with activities (so you might impulsively seek something new or get distracted), and anhedonia makes it unrewarding to do so (so even if you stick to it, you feel like “meh, that was pointless”). Picture trying to play a video game where every time you accomplish a mission, the game doesn’t give you any points or fanfare – you’d probably lose interest quickly! That’s what the ADHD-anhedonia combo can feel like in real life. Even hobbies you know you used to love might not give you the dopamine hit they once did, which is deeply frustrating. You might cycle through activities or careers or relationships, always searching for that spark of joy or interest, but finding that your brain’s reward system isn’t lighting up as expected. People around you might label you as flaky or lazy, when in truth your brain is under-stimulated and under-rewarded, making sustained effort feel like running a marathon with ankle weights on.

3. Daily Functioning and Executive Function: Executive functions (things like planning, organizing, time management) are already a challenge in ADHD. Combine that with these emotional and motivational difficulties, and daily life can get chaotic. For instance, say you have an important project to do. ADHD might have you procrastinating until the last minute because, well, focus is hard until urgency kicks in. Anhedonia means even the reward of “I’ll feel proud when this is done” or “I’ll enjoy doing this piece I usually like” doesn’t register strongly, so there’s not much internal pull to start the task. Meanwhile, alexithymia means you might not realize how anxious it’s making you to leave it so late – you just feel a vague tension or you get irritable without connecting it to stress. All of this might result in a last-minute panic, tears of frustration you didn’t see coming, or even a shutdown where you just can’t do it at all. Daily tasks like household chores or self-care can similarly fall apart. You know on some level that you’ll feel better if you shower or clean the kitchen, but you don’t feel that reward normally (anhedonia), and you don’t really register how crummy it feels to be unwashed or in a mess until it’s extreme (alexithymia’s lack of internal cues), and ADHD has you distracted by a million other more interesting things in the moment. It’s easy to see how this trio can impact routines, health, work performance – basically any aspect of daily living.

4. Social and Relationship Impact: Emotions and enjoyment are huge parts of how we connect with others. When you have alexithymia, people might perceive you as distant, cold, or uninterested because you don’t express emotions in a typical way or struggle to empathize verbally. You might care deeply, but you don’t show it with “I’m so happy for you” or “I’m upset about this” because you can’t quite identify those feelings in the first place. With ADHD, you might interrupt or space out in conversations, or you feel emotions so strongly that you come on too intense, which can be hard for others to navigate. Now, add anhedonia – maybe you stop wanting to go out with friends or initiate activities because you just don’t find joy in them, so people think you’re avoiding them or being negative. Misunderstandings abound. A friend might think you don’t care about their troubles because you didn’t show much emotion when they were sad (when in fact you did care but couldn’t express it). A partner might feel hurt that you never seem excited about doing things together anymore, or that you’re disengaged. Daily life with others becomes a minefield of potential misinterpretations, where your internal state and your outward actions don’t line up in the “expected” way.

Everything we just described can seriously affect one’s self-esteem and mental health, too. It’s common for people in this overlap to start thinking, “What’s wrong with me?” or to assume they’re just bad at life or broken. Let me assure you right now: you are not broken, and you’re not alone in this. There are explanations for why you feel the way you do, and with understanding comes the ability to find new strategies. But before we get to coping strategies, it’s important to address some of those misunderstandings from the outside world in a bit more detail – especially how they play out for women and late-diagnosed adults.

Misunderstandings and Missed Diagnoses

When you’re dealing with ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia, other people in your life (and even some professionals) might not “get it.” These conditions – particularly alexithymia and anhedonia – are often invisible. To someone on the outside, your behaviors might be misread in a bunch of uncharitable ways. Let’s clear the air on some common misunderstandings:

“You’re just being lazy/unmotivated.” How many of us with ADHD have heard that one? 😒 This is a classic misunderstanding. People see the procrastination, the struggle to start or finish tasks, or the lack of enthusiasm, and they assume it’s a character flaw or lack of willpower. In reality, as we discussed, an ADHD brain with anhedonia is literally underpowered in the reward and motivation department. It’s not simply a choice to slack off – it’s that the neurochemistry that should spark motivation is fizzling. When even things that should be fun or rewarding don’t feel good, it can look like you’re not trying or you don’t care. But science has our back here: studies confirm that ADHD involves differences in dopamine and reward processing that can make it harder to feel motivation and pleasureen.wikipedia.org. Telling someone with this issue to “just try harder” is about as effective as telling someone with glasses to squint more – it misses the biological reality.

“Everyone feels that way sometimes – just suck it up.” This often comes up when talking about things like emotional overwhelm or lack of enjoyment. Sure, everyone has days where they don’t feel like doing anything, or times they can’t put feelings into words. But for neurodivergent folks, these aren’t rare blips – they’re frequent, life-shaping experiences. Dismissing them with “everyone deals with that” minimizes the very real difference in intensity and frequency. Particularly for women and adults who get diagnosed late, this dismissiveness can be pronounced. For example, women with ADHD might have been told for years that their struggles were due to stress, or hormones, or anxiety, or that “it’s normal, parenting is just hard, you’re tired.” Their very valid difficulties were waved away until someone finally connected the dots to ADHD (often years later than it should have been). Research shows women often get diagnosed later than men – on average several years later – due to these biases and the tendency for women to mask symptoms or present differentlyacamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com. By the time a woman is diagnosed in adulthood, she might have a long history of having her challenges brushed off. Similarly, her alexithymia might have been misread as just being “stoic” or her anhedonia as “you’re such a downer.” What’s really been happening is a neurodevelopmental condition flying under the radar, not a personality choice.

“You seem fine to me – you’re just not trying to feel/enjoy things.” This one especially hits those with alexithymia. People might think you’re choosing not to engage emotionally. They might say you’re being distant on purpose, or accuse you of not loving them because you don’t show it in a typical way. In truth, you might desperately want to feel and express the right emotion, but it’s like there’s a wall between your mind and heart. A person with alexithymia often does have feelings – they just can’t access them well or communicate them. It’s painful to be misunderstood as uncaring when inside you feel something but it’s nebulous. Likewise with anhedonia, others might say, “Well, you never want to do anything fun anymore, you’re just not making an effort.” That can trigger a lot of guilt, because you wish you could enjoy things readily – it’s not a choice to be joyless! It’s really important for loved ones to grasp that these are symptoms, not attitudes.

Gender stereotypes and masking: There’s an added layer for many women (and AFAB non-binary folks) with ADHD in that society expects women to be the “emotional glue” of families and friend groups. Women are stereotyped as being more emotional or nurturing. So if a woman has alexithymia, it contradicts what people think “a woman should be,” and her struggles might get labeled as other issues. She might be called cold, or people might jump to labeling her with something like depression or even a personality disorder, rather than recognizing alexithymia or ADHD. Women with ADHD also often become expert maskers – consciously or unconsciously camouflaging their ADHD symptoms to fit expectations. That could mean forcing themselves to stay quiet and sit still, or over-preparing for work tasks to hide disorganization, or mimicking other women’s emotional expressions to not seem “off.” Masking can be exhausting, and yet because of that mask, teachers, bosses, or doctors never see the problem. They only see the burnout afterwards. As a result, many women’s difficulties are written off. One systematic review noted that many adult women with undiagnosed ADHD had spent years being treated for depression or anxiety insteadbhcsmt.com, never getting relief because the core ADHD (and related alexithymia/anhedonia) wasn’t addressed. It’s like treating the smoke but ignoring the fire.

“Late diagnosis? How did you make it this far if it was really that bad?” This is something late-diagnosed adults hear a lot. There’s a disbelief: if you truly had ADHD or related issues, surely someone would have caught it in childhood, right? Wrong. Especially if you were high IQ, or hyper-responsible, or if you grew up in an environment that kept you on track, you might have flown under the radar. You might have internalized problems (quietly suffering anxiety rather than acting out) or developed compensatory skills. When someone finally gets a diagnosis at 30 or 40 or 50, they often face skepticism from family or even doctors: “You’ve done fine in life, it can’t be ADHD.” What they don’t see is the immense effort and private turmoil that went into “doing fine.” Perhaps that person struggled every day with focus or emotions, but managed to get by at great psychological cost. Maybe they fell into bed every night absolutely drained from keeping it together (masking) and couldn’t do anything else – which looks like laziness in the evenings, but it’s actually burnout. There’s a poignant saying in the neurodivergent community: just because someone is carrying their load well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.

To sum up these misunderstandings: people often judge what they can see (behavior) and not what’s invisible (brain mechanics, internal struggle). A partner might see you come home from work and collapse on the couch, not wanting to talk or do anything, and think you’re disinterested or mad at them. In reality, you might be utterly depleted from masking ADHD all day, and you’ve got nothing left to give – you’re not even sure how you feel, you just know you’re wiped out. One ADHD coach described it well: your partner might misinterpret your post-work exhaustion as laziness or lack of love, not realizing the mental gymnastics you’ve been performing all day to appear “normal”shimmer.care. These misinterpretations can strain relationships and further harm self-esteem. That’s why talking about this openly (like we’re doing now!) is so important – it helps everyone recognize there’s more than meets the eye.

Now that we’ve laid out the landscape of this ADHD–alexithymia–anhedonia intersection and cleared up what it is not, I want to share a personal story to illustrate how these play out in real life. I always find that stories help ground the science, so here goes.

Carmen’s Story: Living in the Overlap

Let me take off the “host” hat for a moment and speak just as me, Carmen – an ADHDer who has wrestled with alexithymia and anhedonia.

A while back, I had a day that really encapsulates this trio. It was a regular workday, and like many of you, I put on my “mask” in the morning. I was determined to be Professional Carmen – organized, friendly, on top of emails and deadlines. All day long, I was in overdrive: double-checking that I didn’t miss social cues in meetings (thanks, RSD – rejection sensitive dysphoria, another ADHD buddy), holding back my fidgeting to appear calm, forcing myself to focus on boring tasks by sheer will. By 5 PM, I had used every trick in the book to seem “fine.” And it worked – I got through the day without any obvious slip-ups. But as I drove home, I felt this heavy, indescribable cloud settle over me. My chest was tight, my head was foggy. If someone asked me then, “How do you feel?” I honestly would have said, “I don’t know.” I had sensations – fatigue, a slight headache, an emptiness in my stomach – but I couldn’t label them as emotions. Was I anxious? Sad? Just tired? I genuinely couldn’t tell. That’s the alexithymia. It’s like having a palette of only gray paints when trying to describe a sunset – I just didn’t have the colorful words for what was going on inside.

When I walked through the door at home, my partner was there, excited to see me and eager to talk about his day. Normally, I’d expect I should feel some happiness to reunite, maybe relief to be home. Instead, I felt... nothing. Flat. Numb. It’s not that I didn’t love him or wasn’t interested – I simply had no emotional energy left, and no capacity to feel pleasure or excitement in that moment. I remember he said, “I have some good news!” and he started telling me about a promotion he got. I mustered a smile and said the right words – “That’s great!” – but even as I said it I knew I didn’t feel the excitement I normally would. And I hated that. I hated that I couldn’t feel joy for him or even for myself (part of me thought, “Shouldn’t I be happy? This is good news!”). Instead of joy, I just felt like an empty cup that had no drops of happiness to pour out. That’s anhedonia. It had crept in after a whole day of running my brain on overdrive and ignoring my own feelings. My brain sort of shut off the pleasure center as a way to conserve energy – at least that’s how I visualize it.

As the evening went on, things didn’t improve. My partner noticed I was distant. “Are you okay? You seem upset or something,” he said. I was physically on the couch next to him, but mentally a million miles away, staring at the TV without really enjoying the show that was on. I mumbled, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” He kept probing gently because he could tell I wasn’t myself. And that’s when frustration bubbled up – but I still didn’t know what I was frustrated about. He thought maybe I was mad about something at work, or that I was not happy for his news, or even upset with him. The truth was I just could not articulate anything going on internally. It’s like my emotional radar was jammed. His questions made me realize I didn’t even know how I felt, and that made me more upset. I ended up snapping, “I don’t know what’s wrong, okay? I just can’t feel anything right now!” There were tears in my eyes at this point – finally an emotion broke through: I was overwhelmed. We both sat there a bit stunned.

That little outburst led to a long conversation once I calmed down. I explained as best I could: sometimes after a day of trying so hard to act “normal,” I come home and crash. It’s like I used up all my focus, all my emotional regulation at work, and I have nothing left for home. I stop feeling much of anything (except maybe irritable). I told him it’s not because of him or us; it’s almost like my brain’s pleasure center goes offline temporarily. And I also told him how I often have trouble naming my emotions – that sometimes “tired” or “stressed” is the closest I can get, when maybe I’m actually sad or anxious or hungry, I’m just not sure. He admitted that from his perspective, it was confusing and a bit hurtful – he interpreted my numb, blank state as me not caring about his news or not wanting to be with him. Hearing that broke my heart, because of course I care. It’s just locked behind a wall at that moment.

The reason I’m sharing this story is because it highlights a few key things that many people in this triple-overlap experience:

Masking and depletion: Using all your coping energy to appear neurotypical (or just to get through responsibilities) can leave you emotionally drained by day’s end. That depletion can manifest as anhedonia (no ability to feel joy or excitement) and as irritability or shutdown. It’s not laziness or lack of love – it’s burnout.

Emotional blindness (alexithymia): I truly didn’t know what I was feeling. That wasn’t me being difficult or refusing to communicate; I wanted to tell my partner what was up, I just had no clarity. This can be scary and frustrating for both partners – one feels lost inside their own mind, the other feels shut out.

Relationships strain: Without understanding these concepts, that evening could have turned into a fight or a wedge between us. He could have easily thought, “She doesn’t care about me or my success,” and I could have thought, “He keeps pushing me for feelings I don’t have right now, why can’t he just give me space.” We were speaking different languages emotionally.

The good news is, learning about ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia has helped both of us find more compassion. We now have a shorthand: I can say “I’m in a bit of a numb space, need to recharge,” and he gets it – it’s not about him. And he knows when I say “I don’t know what I feel,” I’m not hiding something; I legitimately need time or help to figure it out.

Maybe you recognize parts of yourself in my story – or parts of your partner, friend, or child. If so, I hope it shows you that you’re not alone and that these challenging moments are not personal failings. They’re linked to how our brains work. Now, with both the science and personal perspective laid out, let’s talk about strategies. How can we manage life with this trio of ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia? What practical steps can help make things easier? Let’s move into that.

Strategies for Managing Overlapping Challenges

Living at the intersection of ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia can be tough – but there are ways to cope and improve your quality of life. It often takes a combination of neuroscience-informed techniques (to work with your brain’s wiring) and mindset or coaching tools (to stay motivated and kind to yourself). Here are some strategies and tips that blend both approaches:

Dopamine Boosters & Brain Care: Since we know dopamine is a key player in both ADHD and anhedonia, doing things that boost your brain’s dopamine and overall neural health can help. Exercise is one of the best natural dopamine boosters – a brisk walk, dancing to your favorite song, or hitting the gym can elevate your dopamine levels and moodneurolaunch.com. Even short movement breaks in your day might help you feel more alert and positive. Similarly, getting enough sleep and eating protein-rich foods can support neurotransmitters. Some people benefit from ADHD medications (stimulants like methylphenidate or amphetamines, or non-stimulants) – these meds increase dopamine/norepinephrine availability and can indirectly improve anhedonia and emotional regulation for someneurolaunch.com. (Of course, medication is a personal decision with a professional, but it’s worth noting it can address more than just focus – many report it also helps them feel again or have more balanced emotions.) Think of it as giving your brain the fuel it needs to register reward and keep the orchestra of the mind in tune.

Emotional Literacy Tools: To tackle alexithymia, it can be incredibly helpful to build a habit of naming emotions regularly – even if at first you’re just guessing. One practical tool is an emotion wheel or list of feeling words. When you’re feeling something (good or bad, physical or mental), pause and scan a list of emotion words to see if any resonate. You might be surprised – sometimes seeing a word like “irritated” or “wistful” can click and you realize “Yes! That’s it!” This external prompt can train your brain over time to identify feelings internally. Another tool is journaling: try writing without worrying about being right. For example, write “I feel… I don’t know, kind of empty and tense.” That’s a valid start! Over time, you may notice patterns (e.g., “Every time I have that meeting, I come home and write that I feel ‘empty and tense’ – perhaps that’s anxiety and exhaustion.”). Some therapists use techniques like having clients map bodily sensations (tight chest, clenched jaw) and then link them to emotions (“tight chest usually means I’m anxious or scared”). This builds the brain pathways to recognize emotions. It can feel awkward, especially if you’ve gone your whole life not doing this, but it gets easier with practice.

Mindfulness and Interoceptive Exercises: Mindfulness isn’t just a trendy buzzword; it has real benefits for people with emotional awareness issues and ADHD. Practices like mindful breathing, body scans, or short meditations teach you to notice what’s happening in your body and mind without judgment. This directly tackles alexithymia by training your interoceptive awareness – the more you practice paying attention inside, the more attuned you become to subtle signals. For example, a daily 5-minute body scan (mentally checking in from head to toe) can increase your ability to notice “my shoulders are tense” or “my heart rate is up” and then, importantly, connect those to emotions (“I might be stressed”). Mindfulness also helps ADHD by improving focus and reducing impulsivity. On the neuroscience side, mindfulness has been shown to strengthen connections in the brain regions responsible for emotional regulation and self-awareness. It’s like a gym workout for the insula and prefrontal cortex. If classic meditation is hard (many ADHD folks find it challenging to sit still), don’t worry – mindfulness can be practiced in ADHD-friendly ways like mindful walking, or even mindful dish-washing (focusing on the sensations of the water and soap). The key is periodically tuning inward. Over time, you may start catching emotional cues you used to miss.

Breaking the Anhedonia Cycle: When pleasure is low, often our instinct is to stop doing things (why bother if it’s not fun, right?). But research and clinical wisdom, especially from depression treatment, suggest the opposite: keep doing things, even in small doses. There’s a concept called behavioral activation, which basically means scheduling and engaging in activities that align with your values or past interests, even if you don’t feel like it. The reason is, the action can sometimes reignite the feeling, even if slowly. For ADHD brains, it helps to make these activities novel or varied to spark interest. If you used to love painting but now feel nothing from it, maybe try a different medium (switch watercolor to acrylic, etc.) or take a low-pressure art class to add social interaction (which provides a dopamine kick). Also, set tiny goals: instead of “I should clean the entire house (but I have no energy or drive to)”, commit to 5 minutes of tidying one corner. Sometimes momentum builds and you get a small sense of accomplishment (hey, 5 minutes is better than 0!). Reward yourself extrinsically since the intrinsic reward is low – for example, after that 5 minutes of tidying, allow yourself 5 minutes of a favorite podcast or a piece of chocolate. Yes, it might feel silly to bribe your brain, but it responds to rewards! By pairing a little task with a little treat, you’re training your brain that doing things can lead to something positive. Over time, this can help combat the inertia anhedonia causes.

Communication and Education with Loved Ones: This is more of a coaching/relationship tool, but so important. The people in your life won’t know what you’re going through unless you find ways to tell them. It might help to share an article or two about alexithymia or ADHD-related emotional challenges with close family/friends. Sometimes seeing it described in writing by an expert makes it “click” for them that “oh, this is a real thing.” In my story, my partner only truly understood my numb evenings when I explained the concepts to him. Now, we have a system: I decompress alone for a bit after work, or we keep evening plans low-key if I’ve had a draining day. Additionally, therapy or coaching can be a game-changer, especially with someone who understands neurodiversity. They can teach you customized strategies and also help mediate conversations with loved ones if needed. The goal is to prevent the misunderstandings we talked about earlier – your friend won’t think you don’t care if they know you have trouble showing care but can demonstrate it in other ways (maybe you’re the friend who fixes things for others instead of saying “I feel your pain”). Your partner won’t take your flat affect as an insult if they know it’s a temporary state your brain enters and not a lack of love. Educating others creates a support network around you instead of a judgment network.

Self-Compassion and Mindset Shifts: Last but definitely not least, is your relationship with yourself. Managing these overlapping conditions is a long game, with good days and bad days. It’s easy to get frustrated at yourself – “Why can’t I just do this? Why can’t I be normal?” But beating yourself up actually makes the cycle worse. Remember, these challenges are not your fault – they’re rooted in brain wiring and chemistry. What you can control is how you respond to them. Try to cultivate a kind inner voice. On a day when you got nothing done because you just couldn’t find the motivation and you felt emotionally blah, instead of “I wasted the whole day, I suck,” practice saying, “Today was hard. My brain needed a break. It’s okay. I’ll try again tomorrow.” This is not letting yourself off the hook in a bad way; it’s acknowledging reality and refusing to add insult to injury. A coach once told me to talk to myself like I would talk to a dear friend. I loved that advice. I’d never tell a friend “you’re lazy and hopeless” – I’d say “you’re struggling but I believe in you, you’ll get through this.” So why not offer that to yourself? Neuroscience actually backs this up: self-compassionate thinking can reduce stress hormones and make it easier to bounce back and problem-solve. One mindset shift I find helpful is reframing tasks or emotions as experiments or information. If I fail to complete something due to low motivation, I can ask “What might help me next time? Maybe I need to work in a café for stimulation or have an accountability buddy.” If I can’t identify an emotion in the moment, I note it and later reflect, “Okay, what might that have been? What were the clues?” Treat it all as learning rather than proof of inadequacy.

Blending these strategies – from practical hacks to mental shifts – can create a supportive structure for navigating life. Everyone’s mix will look different. Some might lean more on medication and external tools; others might focus on therapy and habits. There’s no one-size-fits-all, and that’s okay. Over time, you’ll refine what works for you. The important thing is knowing that improvement is possible. Maybe not overnight, and maybe you’ll never be a bubbly ball of motivation 24/7 (few people are!), but you can definitely make strides in understanding yourself and functioning better with these challenges.

Conclusion: Embracing Compassion and Hope

We’ve covered a lot in this episode – from big scientific concepts to deeply personal moments. If your head is spinning, that’s alright. Let’s take a deep breath together. In… and out. Okay.

The intersection of ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia is complex, no doubt. It can impact nearly every aspect of life, from how you get out of bed in the morning to how you connect with the people you love. But here’s the big takeaway I want you to leave with: there is hope, and you are not alone.

If you saw yourself in anything we discussed – the emotional confusion, the numbness, the struggle to get stuff done, the feeling of being misunderstood – please know that there are many others out there navigating the same challenges. The very fact that terms like “alexithymia” and “anhedonia” exist, and that researchers are studying them in ADHD, means that what you’re experiencing is real and recognizedbhcsmt.comen.wikipedia.org. Sometimes just having a name for it (like, “Wow, I’m not just weird – this is called alexithymia!”) can be a huge relief and the first step toward growth.

I also want you to know that your story isn’t over. Neurodivergent brains are incredibly resilient and capable of change. With understanding and the right support, things can improve. You can learn to better identify your emotions – it might never be perfect, but it can get easier. You can find ways to spark a bit of joy or interest even when it feels like anhedonia has you in a gray fog. You can communicate to others what you need, and build routines that work for you. It’s a journey, and it won’t always be smooth. I still have days like the story I shared – but I have more tools now to handle them, and more confidence to bounce back.

Above all, practice self-compassion. Really. Treat yourself with the same kindness and patience you’d show a close friend or a child who is struggling. There’s a quote I love: “Not every day is good, but there is something good in every day.” On the hardest days, the “good” might simply be that you made it through. And that’s okay! Give yourself credit for small wins. Celebrate that you recognized one feeling today, even if it took all day to figure out. Celebrate that you washed the dishes even though you didn’t feel any reward from doing it – that’s strong character right there. When you slip up or feel like you failed, remind yourself: I’m human, and I’m learning. Because you truly are still learning – learning about your brain, learning skills that maybe others take for granted, and that’s courageous work.

I hope this episode left you feeling understood and empowered. ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia might be part of your story, but they aren’t the whole story. You have creativity, intellect, humor, kindness – and those qualities remain, even on the days it’s hard to feel or show them. With knowledge, support, and self-compassion, you can write the next chapters in a way that honors who you are and what you need.

Thank you for spending this time with me and for being part of the Authentically ADHD community. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone who might benefit – maybe it will open up a great conversation. And as always, take care of your beautiful, unique brain. Until next time, stay authentic, stay compassionate, and keep living your truth. You’ve got this. 💖

References

Neurodivergent Insights – Alexithymia and ADHD: Neff, M.A. Alexithymia and ADHD: the Most Common Overlappings. Explanation of alexithymia as a difficulty in identifying and describing emotions, its prevalence in ADHD (20–44% in studies), and how both ADHD and alexithymia contribute to emotion regulation difficultiesneurodivergentinsights.comneurodivergentinsights.com.

BHCS Mental Health – Alexithymia Article: Alexithymia: One of the Most Impactful Health Conditions You’ve Never Heard Of. Noted that over 40% of people with ADHD have co-occurring alexithymiabhcsmt.com and discussed dopamine’s role in emotional processing. Cites research where stimulant medication in ADHD improved alexithymia symptoms, highlighting a dopamine linkbhcsmt.combhcsmt.com.

Neurolaunch – ADHD and Anhedonia: ADHD and Anhedonia: Understanding the Complex Relationship and Finding Hope. Describes how ADHD’s dopamine dysregulation alters the brain’s reward system, leading to a higher likelihood of anhedonia in ADHD individualsneurolaunch.comneurolaunch.com. Emphasizes the shared neurobiology of these conditions.

Wikipedia – Anhedonia (ADHD section): Confirms that impairments in dopaminergic and serotonergic function in ADHD can dysregulate reward processing and lead to anhedoniaen.wikipedia.org. Based on Sternat et al. (2018) research linking “low hedonic tone” in ADHD to treatment-resistant depression.

Shimmer ADHD Coaching – Masking and Relationships: Daoire, N. Is ADHD masking pushing your partner away? Illustrates how masking ADHD is exhausting and how a partner might misinterpret the resulting exhaustion as laziness or lack of interestshimmer.care. Reinforces the importance of communication and understanding in relationships.

Various Clinical Reviews (Referenced in discussion): For context on gender and late diagnosis: studies have found women with ADHD often experience delayed diagnosis (on average ~4 years later than men)acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com and are frequently misdiagnosed with depression/anxiety firstbhcsmt.com, due to masking and atypical symptom presentation. These insights underline the need for better awareness of ADHD, alexithymia, and anhedonia in adult women.

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