Ep 117: The Badge, The Bottle and My Better Half

Code4Couples

#Fitness #Society #Relationship #Mental Health #Cyndi Doyle

31:46

BE WARNED! This podcast will contain spoilers for Wednesday Season 2, episodes 1-4. Join host Caitlin Reilly each week as she takes you deep into the twisted world of Wednesday with an amazing group of guests! And producer Thing will be helping out to make sure everything goes to plan - well, mostly, anyway... In this episode: Jenna Ortega peels back the layers on the new tension between Wednesday and Enid. And that terrifying vision! Plus… Series showrunners Al Gough and Miles Millar reveal why they made Morticia Addams such a central character in this season, and what it means for Wednesday. Whether you’re a normie or an outcast, the Wednesday Season 2 Official Woecast will be the place for all things Nevermore! For more juicy details about Wednesday Season 2, head over to Tudum.com to get all of the latest updates. 1:15 Preparing for Season 2 3:25 Evolving Wednesday’s look for Season 2 4:12 Addams clan expands for Season 2 6:12 Joanna Lumley joining the cast 7:38 Wednesday and Enid's Friendship 9:00 Wednesday’s Vision 10:50 Jenna is a Producer 13:45 Al and Miles introduction 14:03 Wednesday takes down a Serial Killer 15:05 Intergenerational Relationships & the Addams Women 17:48 Catherine Zeta-Jones as Morticia in Season 2 20:48 Wednesday and Enid’s relationship 24:04 Steve Buscemi joining the cast 26:19 Wednesday’s popular! 27:45 Boy with the Clockwork Heart stop motion sequence…

2 years ago 52:03

MP3•Episode home

There are some people I encounter that I immediately get a good vibe from.  I met John Monaghan virtually on a call we were both on and he subtly mentioned that he had overcome an addiction to alcohol and spoke with passion about officer mental health and the impact on the family.  I mentioned something about vulnerability and taking off emotional armor on the call and he wrote in the chat that he loved Brene Brown.  I thought to myself…. Who is this guy?!?!  Then I found his TEDx talk about police reform starting in the therapist’s office.  The more I read about this retired police chief and former state trooper, the more I wanted him to come on and share his story.  Today, I speak with John and his wife Tricia, about his recognition of his problem with alcohol and the growth that came from recovery individually and as a couple. 

Deep Blue Compass

john@deepbluecompass.com

@Triciamonaghan

TEDx Talk: Why Successful Police Reform Must Start in the Therapist's Office

100 episodes

Code4Couples

Ep 117: The Badge, The Bottle and My Better Half

Code4Couples

published 2 years ago

MP3•Episode home

Deep Blue Compass

john@deepbluecompass.com

@Triciamonaghan

TEDx Talk: Why Successful Police Reform Must Start in the Therapist's Office

100 episodes

#Fitness #Society #Relationship #Mental Health #Cyndi Doyle

All episodes

Code4Couples

1
Ep 164: The Challenges Women Face Behind the Badge 47:06

14 days ago47:06

47:06

Women in law enforcement face a unique set of challenges that often go unspoken, misunderstood, or minimized, both inside the department and at home. Monica Crawford is a former police officer, a law enforcement spouse, the author of Thriving Inside the Thin Blue Line, and the powerhouse behind Five-O Fierce and Fit. Her mission is to assist women in law enforcement reclaim their strength, mentally, physically, and emotionally and thrive inside the very culture that too often asks them to shrink. Today, we discuss the differences in the female law enforcement experience and why it matters for the future of policing, officer well-being, and law enforcement relationships. www.five0fierceandfit.com/info Thriving Inside the Blue Line Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know…

Code4Couples

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Ep 163: Finding Balance in Law Enforcement Relationships 51:45

28 days ago51:45

51:45

What Law Enforcement Families Need to Know About Real Work-Life Balance When we talk about balance in law enforcement life, it often sounds like a personal issue, something you're expected to figure out quietly, in between overtime shifts and missed family dinners. The reality is balance isn't just about time management or stress reduction. It's about alignment between your job and your values, your needs and your partner’s, your role as a first responder and your role at home. And according to Elizabeth Ecklund, firefighter, nurse, social worker-in-training, and Antarctica-deployed badass, balance isn’t something you find. It’s something you build together. Let’s break down what balance really means, why it matters in police marriages and first responder families, and how you can build it together. www.mindforgedtherapy.com info@mindforgetherapy.com 2533989565 Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know…

Code4Couples

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Ep 162: Emotional Safety at Home in Law Enforcement Families 41:29

6 weeks ago41:29

41:29

Law enforcement officers are trained to survive chaos. But at home, survival mode is not enough. Officers and their spouses need emotional safety in order to stay connected, healthy, and resilient. Without it, communication breaks down. Compassion becomes scarce. And what started as a strong bond slowly begins to erode. The home should be a place of rest, connection, and stability. Yet, for many first responder couples, it feels tense, distant, or even emotionally unsafe. This is not because the relationship is broken. It is because the job has conditioned responses that, if left unaddressed, interfere with connection. Let’s explore why emotional safety matters, why it is often lost in law enforcement relationships, and what steps couples can take to rebuild it with intention and resilience. Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship. When Command Presence Comes Home Hypervigilance at Home…

Code4Couples

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Ep 161: Beat The Burnout: Prevention and Recovery Solutions for Frontline Burnout 49:34

8 weeks ago49:34

49:34

When AK Dozanti started her career in law enforcement at 19 years old, she never imagined that the job she loved would nearly destroy her. Like so many officers, she embodied the mission, working out twice a day, meal prepping, and chasing excellence. By the time she was awarded Officer of the Year in 2015, she was already unraveling. Burnout, depression, PTSD, adrenal fatigue, and suicidal ideation were silently creeping in. Her story isn’t just about what took her out of the job, it’s about how she gave herself permission to choose something different and how that choice saved her life. AK Dozanti Beat the Burnout: Prevention and Recovery Solutions for Frontline LinkedIn: AK Dozanti Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship…

Code4Couples

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Ep 160: Mindset Matters: Resilience, Relationships, and Law Enforcement Mental Health 36:21

9 weeks ago36:21

36:21

When Richard Crimi’s 14-year law enforcement career came to an unexpected halt due to a debilitating back injury, he didn’t just recover physically, he rebuilt his mindset from the ground up. Now, through his work with first responders, federal agencies, and military personnel, Richard helps others harness the power of the mind to improve performance, enhance resilience, and strengthen their relationships. And yes, mindset matters in marriage too. LinkedIn: Richard Crimi | LinkedIn MindPrepAcademy.com Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know…

Code4Couples

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Ep 159: The Top Ten Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know 37:00

12 weeks ago37:00

37:00

Navigating a law enforcement marriage isn’t for the faint of heart. Behind the uniforms, long shifts, and high-stakes calls are couples trying to hold on to connection, communication, and a sense of normal. And while there’s plenty of talk about police mental health and first responder burnout, there’s not nearly enough said about how this job quietly rewires relationships from the inside out. Whether you're brand new to this life or a seasoned spouse who's mastered holidays solo, there's a learning curve no one warns you about. So, I pulled together a list, rooted in the lived experience of law enforcement couples and backed by years of working with spouses and officers, that I believe every law enforcement spouse should know. Because understanding the why behind the struggles? That’s the first step to building a stronger, more resilient law enforcement relationship. Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know…

Code4Couples

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Ep 158: The Wounded Blue: Never Forgotten. Never Alone. 48:41

15 weeks ago48:41

48:41

When Lieutenant Randy Sutton first put on the badge in 1976, policing looked a lot different. Officers could do their jobs without the constant scrutiny of a body camera or the looming fear of public backlash. They were respected. Supported. And even though the job was always dangerous, the culture surrounding officers, both inside and outside the department, wasn’t laced with suspicion and hostility. Fast forward to today, and that landscape has shifted dramatically. And for law enforcement families, the weight of that shift is deeply personal. The Wounded Blue True Blue A Cop’s Life Rescuing 911: The Fight for America’s Safety Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship…

Code4Couples

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Ep 157: Sleep Hygiene for First Responders: Why Sleep Health Matters in First Responder Relationships 49:09

17 weeks ago49:09

49:09

Sleep can feel like a luxury in law enforcement. Between shift work, court schedules, overtime, and home responsibilities, rest often gets pushed to the bottom of the priority list. But here's the truth that people don’t frequently discuss. Your sleep (or lack of it) impacts EVERYTHING: your mood, your health, your safety, your marriage, and even how long you’ll be around to enjoy retirement. Sleep psychologist and author Leah Elizabeth Kaylor breaks down the importance of sleep health for first responders. Leah’s been the go-to sleep expert for the FBI and is now sharing her insights with us, including tips on how to reset poor sleep habits, manage nightmares, and even navigate the idea of “sleep divorce” being healthy for relationships.…

Code4Couples

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Ep 156: Breaking Down The Armor and The Mental Health Stigma in Law Enforcement 24:18

19 weeks ago24:18

24:18

Law enforcement teaches officers how to handle chaos, make quick decisions, and keep emotions in check to get the job done. But what happens when that same skill set that keeps officers safe on duty starts to create distance at home? For Zachary Saenz, that emotional armor was a survival tool, something he didn’t even realize he was putting on. It helped him push through the hard calls, the trauma, and the stress of being a police officer. But over time, the same armor that protected him from the job started shutting out the person he loved most. His story is one that many in law enforcement relationships can relate to: learning how to carry the weight of the job without letting it take over your life. The way he navigated that shift, through therapy, self-awareness, and small but meaningful changes, holds lessons for any officer who wants to strengthen their mental health and their relationships. Zachary Saenz | LinkedIn Texas Law Enforcement Peer Network | Texas Commission on Law Enforcement…

Code4Couples

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Ep 155: Undercover Junkie: When the Job Becomes the Rush 59:33

21 weeks ago59:33

59:33

When Brent Cartwright became an undercover narcotics officer, he told his wife, Wesley, that it would be safer . "Bad guys don’t want trouble. They just want your money and to get out of there," he reassured her. After years of unpredictable patrol work, undercover assignments seemed like a shift toward stability, more controlled environments, fewer calls involving guns. Wesley trusted him. She believed he was making the best decision for his career and their family. But what Brent didn’t realize at the time was that he wasn’t just doing the job, he was becoming it. The rush of working undercover, the thrill of taking down drug dealers, the high stakes operations where everything could go sideways in a second; it was exhilarating. Over time, it changed him. Undercovered.net https://www.amazon.com/Undercover-Junkie-Chasing-Confronting-Unraveling/dp/B0DR5GVWHV…

Code4Couples

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Ep 154: Breaking the Silence: How Copline Supports Law Enforcement Officers and Their Families 28:43

26 weeks ago28:43

28:43

In the world of law enforcement, the weight of the job extends far beyond being on duty. Officers carry the burdens of the job home, often struggling with the effects of trauma, hypervigilance, and emotional exhaustion. Yet, despite being problem-solvers for others, many find it challenging to seek help for themselves. That's where Copline steps in, a totally confidential, genuinely non-profit, 24/7 peer support line designed exclusively for law enforcement officers, retirees, and their families. 1-800-COPLINE (267-5463) For more information, visit Copline.org .…

Code4Couples

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Ep 153: Dumpster Fire Days: Navigating the Chaos Together in Law Enforcement Relationships 30:08

26 weeks ago30:08

30:08

Ideally, officers coming home would be able to have 20 to 30 minutes to decompress before engaging with the family, but we all know that sometimes that's just not realistic. Your spouse has a life, a full -time job, manages the household and when you're not there, your family has their own business and their own chaos. Heck, maybe the officer parent is the parent who's doing all the parent pickups or bath time, or maybe your spouse travels for work. Real life dictates that as a couple, you're not always going to be able to put the officer's need to decompress ahead of life. Real life dictates that you will have days when both of your worlds feel like chaos, have heaps of stress, and just feel like a sh*t show. This can lead couples to disengage and argue. What is the best way to make it through when you both have dumpster fire days? How do you hold space for your officer or your partner when you need that support too?…

Code4Couples

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Ep 152: When Command Presence Comes Homes 17:06

28 weeks ago17:06

17:06

Let’s be honest, relationships can be tough. Add the challenges of a high-stress job like lawenforcement, and things can get even more complicated. If you’ve ever had a disagreement where your officer partner seemed togo into "work mode"—commanding, controlling, and all business—you’re not alone. And officers, maybe you’ve found yourself looking back on an argument wondering why you acted like you were on duty instead of at home. This is what’scalled **authoritarian spillover**, and it’s something many law enforcement couples face. Let’s break it down, talk about the challenges it creates, and explore some ways to handle it together.…

Code4Couples

1
Ep 151: Hypervigilance at Home 22:55

29 weeks ago22:55

22:55

Coming home after a long shift as a law enforcement officer should feel like a relief—a return to safety and family. Yet, for many officers and their spouses, this transition is anything but smooth. Hypervigilance, a critical survival mechanism on the job, often spills over into home life, creating tension and disconnection in relationships. Understanding hypervigilance and its impact on your family is the first step to maintaining a strong, connected relationship. Here, we’ll explore the problem and offer practical solutions for both officers and their spouses. Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship…

Code4Couples

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Ep 150: Building Connection Through Appreciation: A Law Enforcement Family Perspective 23:48

30 weeks ago23:48

23:48

January 9th marks Law Enforcement Appreciation Day—a moment to honor the men and women who protect and serve our communities. However, as we express gratitude for officers, it's crucial to also recognize the families who sacrifice and serve alongside them. Appreciation is not only for special occasions; it’s an essential practice that strengthens the bonds between officers and their loved ones. Host, Cyndi Doyle, explores the science of appreciation, its role in fostering connection, and actionable ways to incorporate it into everyday life. Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship…

Code4Couples

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Ep 149: Relationship Resolutions for Law Enforcement Couples 24:26

31 weeks ago24:26

24:26

The start of a new year is the perfect time to set goals—not just for personal growth, but for your relationship as well. For law enforcement couples, the challenges of hypervigilance, shift work, stress, and balancing dual careers can create unique roadblocks to connection and communication. Without proactive strategies, these challenges can lead to misunderstandings, emotional distance, and even burnout. But there’s good news: small, intentional changes can have a big impact. Below, we outline five powerful resolutions specifically designed for law enforcement couples to strengthen their bond and navigate the year with resilience and connection.…

Code4Couples

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Ep 148: Navigating Burnout in Law Enforcement Communities 1:05:42

43 weeks ago1:05:42

1:05:42

Burnout in law enforcement as an officer or spouse seems inevitable, considering the sacrifices you make and the impact on both of you. It leads to arguments and disconnection. You work hard, juggling work, home, social life, projects, kids, parents, and all the other things. Appointments, meetings, and shifts keep getting added to your calendar, and paperwork is piling up. Maybe you've said yes to a few people or situations you really wanted to say no to. You realize you're not just burning the candle on both ends, but you've added some wicks making the candle burn faster. You think if I can just get through this or that, I can take a break. You promise yourself you will never do this again, only to find yourself back in a cycle again, or maybe you don't see an end in sight at all. You're in burnout. Yolanda Harper, LCSW, and Cyndi Doyle discuss the impact of burnout in law enforcement officers, spouses, and relationships. Soul Sabbatical…

Code4Couples

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Ep 147: How to Advocate for Police Families After a Traumatic Brain Injury 49:42

45 weeks ago49:42

49:42

In this episode of the Code4Couples podcast, host Cyndi Doyle continues the conversation with Joan Van De Greik about the severe financial impacts following her husband's traumatic brain injury (TBI) sustained in the line of duty. Joan shares the struggles they faced including mounting medical expenses, navigating insurance and workers' comp, the importance of disability and life insurance with living benefits, and ultimately starting her business Fetch Your Wealth. Joan's story highlights the necessity of financial planning for law enforcement families facing similar challenges. Fetch Your Wealth…

Code4Couples

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Ep: 146 The Impact of In the Line of Duty Injuries on Law Enforcement Families 55:54

47 weeks ago55:54

55:54

There's an injury to the head on the job. If it's an open wound, it gets addressed, stapled up, and healed. As time goes on, you or your spouse notices that you're different. You're changing your mood, your drive, your impulsivity and your memory isn’t what it used to be. You aren't sure what's happening. Despite what looks fine externally, you know something is going on. Traumatic brain injuries or TBIs are injuries to the brain that impact the function of the brain. A TBI has consequences in cognitive, psychological, social, behavioral, and even other functioning. TBIs can range in severity and in a 2020 study, it was suggested that 38.9% of officers who reported a loss of consciousness due to a concussion had a mild TBI. When there are possible injuries to the head, the protocols to determine a TBI are often overlooked causing officers and families to struggle to determine what is happening when behavior changes. I've heard of couples confusion when there's a change. I've seen it in my office, and I personally know of a couple here locally that spent years trying to get a department to understand a TBI that had occurred on the job and its impact on the officer today. Joan Van De Greik shares the story of her husband's injury and their years of struggle, not only to get the diagnosis but also dismissal and betrayal of the city and the fight for compensation as a work-related injury. Joan's mission is to educate other law enforcement families and help them to be financially prepared should they experience a career ending injury or line of duty death. This is part one of my interview with Joan as she shares her story of the struggle after the incident Fetch Your Wealth…

Code4Couples

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Ep 145: Indirect Trauma in Law Enforcement Relationships 49:00

49 weeks ago49:00

49:00

In a dual first responder home, there are times when first person and vicarious trauma must coexist. We may experience the traumatic incident firsthand and then hear the other person's view of the same incident when we are home together. While the differing perspectives can be beneficial, it's not always true. Everyone reacts to a singular incident differently, and sometimes it can be difficult to remember. Lisa and James Robinson are a dual first responder couple who have and continue to work through traumas both individually and shared. In this episode, they share how they stumble through and what they have learned to help and support themselves and each other.…

Code4Couples

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Ep 144: Trauma in Law Enforcement Families 51:23

51 weeks ago51:23

51:23

As a couple, we are aware that officers and their families can be impacted by the job. Sometimes, the impact is trauma. That trauma can be direct or indirect. Secondary traumatic stress can impact officers, spouses, children, or even extended family and friends. We need to be aware of the signs and symptoms to help ourselves and those we love. Expert, Melissa Kaiser talks about what to look for and strategies on how to counter the impact. For further resources or personalized assistance, Melissa Kaiser can be reached via email at melkaiconsulting@ gmail.com or through LinkedIn: Melissa Kaiser.…

Code4Couples

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Ep 143: Hypervigilance in Law Enforcement Families 51:00

1 year ago51:00

51:00

Hypervigilance allows officers to stay aware and safe on the job. As an officer or spouse, you may be aware or have a general understanding of hypervigilance. You may even understand that what goes up must come down. Sadly, that single biological process that keeps our officers safe, can spill over like a tsunami in our relationships. We need to be aware of how it shows up and notice it to make changes. Garrett TeSlaa, who is an active law enforcement officer and host of the very popular Squad Room podcast talks about the impact of hypervigilance on the family and the impact he's making on officers and their families. If you are interested in joining The Academy, visit thesquadroom.net/theacademy For any questions, reach out to Garrett at garrett@thesquadroom.net.…

Code4Couples

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Ep 142: Thriving in and out of the career 55:57

1 year ago55:57

55:57

In this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews Brian Ellis, a retired law enforcement officer and creator of Magnus Worx, about the importance of wellness and resilience in the law enforcement profession. Wellness is not just a physical issue, but also a mental one, and it is crucial for law enforcement organizations to prioritize the well-being of their personnel. Ellis discusses the alarming state of public safety well-being and the need for organizations to take action to support their employees. He also highlights the importance of data in measuring the effectiveness of wellness programs and the role of technology in providing a safe and anonymous environment for individuals to express their needs and concerns. Ellis encourages law enforcement personnel to prioritize their own wellness and seek out resources and support, and emphasizes the need for organizations to adopt a strategic and holistic approach to wellness. LinkedIn: @magnusworx Instagram: @magnusworx Magnusworx.com National Command and Staff College The Theory of MAGNUS OVEA: A General Theory of Human Performance & Wellbeing…

Code4Couples

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Ep 141: Must have Conversations for Every Law Enforcement Couple 48:07

1 year ago48:07

48:07

My husband and I were super naive when it came to understanding how his job was going to impact our relationship. I saw it as a career path, just like any other. I mean, sure, there was danger and shift work, but what more could there be? No one told us what to expect or how to make sure our relationship stayed solid. As a couple new to law enforcement, I wish someone would have told us some basics. Amber Smith is a police spouse and counselor with a passion for educating new first responder couples. She and I sat down and had a conversation on some of those basics that new and tenured police couples need to know. Home - Found Therapy Services…

Code4Couples

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Ep 140: The Impact of Moral Injuries 44:23

1 year ago44:23

44:23

Moral Injuries are a significant yet often unrecognized issue among first responders. Understanding what a moral injury is and recognizing its potential impact on careers and families is crucial to their overall wellness. In this episode, Judy Couwels talks about what moral injuries are, how to recognize them, and how to combat their impact. The First Responder Mental Health, "The Clinician's Guide…

Code4Couples

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Ep 139: Communication Challenges in Special Assignments 52:52

1 year ago52:52

52:52

Communication and connection are a challenge for all of us in law enforcement relationships. There are some extra special challenges when you're on call all the time or you're in situations where you just can't talk due to being in a special assignment such as undercover work or maybe the part of a SWAT team. Heather Williams, a law enforcement professional, turned police psychologist, and SWAT spouse talks about the unique challenges of special units, their impact on relationships and strategies to communicate and connect. Premier First Responder Psychological Services Premier1streponder.com heather@premierfirstresponder.com .…

Code4Couples

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Ep 138: Let Family In 47:20

1 year ago47:20

47:20

“I just don't want to burden my spouse with what I experience on the job” is a way of protecting the people that you love. I always thought my husband was open only to find out later that this happened a few times within our relationship. Most of the time an officer's spouse and family sense that something is up. It bleeds over. While protecting the family is noble, it is also a way that an officer can avoid talking about difficult things. Our relationships need to involve trust. Officers, trust that your spouse can handle what you are sharing, and as a spouse trust that an officer will navigate that line between sharing and traumatizing. This week, law enforcement couple Brett and Danielle Koss joined me to discuss developing a reciprocal relationship of trust and understanding. CCS Behavioral Health and Recovery (ccswebsite.org)…

Code4Couples

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Ep 137: Workicide 45:53

1 year ago45:53

45:53

We have all worked in a toxic work environment due to the workplace culture, co-workers, supervisors, or the work itself. Stephanie Kiesow is a former law enforcement officer, cop kid, and cop’s wife. She saw how work impacted her parents, their mood, and in turn the family. She started her career in law enforcement at 18 and in 2011, when her fiancé had a pending IA, lost him to death by suicide. This kicked off what Stephanie calls her obsessive curiosity about suicide and how the workplace contributes to the permanent decision. Stephanie is currently working on her PhD in Organizational psychology. Through her research and education, she found contributing workplace factors that impact mental health and cause death in a perceptual sense or literal sense and coined the term workicide. Stephanie’s goal is to help people mitigate a work-related decline in their mental health and increase their overall well-being so they can enjoy work and love life. She has written the book Workicide to help others do just that. This is a deep topic but you will want to hear her research and her solutions for our law enforcement culture. LinkedIn: Stephanie K. Workicide: How to Overcome a Career-Related Decline in Mental Health and Reignite Your Passion for Work and Life. Burnout — Code4Couples Beyond the Badge — Code4Couples…

Code4Couples

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Ep 136: To Hell and Back 44:18

1 year ago44:18

44:18

In this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews John Blumenthal, a Retired Master Sergeant (Ret.) with the Oklahoma City Police Department. Blumenthal shares his personal journey of struggling with trauma and making poor choices, which led to the deterioration of his relationships with his family. He emphasizes the importance of prioritizing wellness and seeking help. He discusses his involvement in peer support and wellness programs, including his work with the Warriors Rest Foundation and the National Cops Program. Blumenthal encourages law enforcement officers to seek support and make positive choices to improve their well-being and relationships. Essential Skills for Law Enforcement Couples: Free Guide john@warriorsrestfoundation.org . Warriors Rest Foundation COPS Code4Couples: Get Updates on Latest Podcasts and Resources!…

Code4Couples

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Ep 135: Burnout 53:37

2 years ago53:37

53:37

We all know that this lifestyle means long hours and lots of stress. Loss of sleep only impacts stress further. When does stress become burnout? Burnout is oftentimes a precursor to more serious mental health issues. If we could catch burnout or even work to prevent burnout, officers would be safer on the job and relationships are potentially more stable. If spouses could catch burnout, they might continue to have patience and compassion. With burnout, we all wear a little thin. How do we identify burnout? How is law enforcement burnout unique? What can we do if we already realize we are in burnout? How can we reverse the impact? Deana Kahle, LMFT, shares her story of burnout after serving to support mass multiple incidents. She shares the impact, her story of recovery, and how you can address it if you are amid burnout or want to prevent it. The Story of the Boy and the Starfish @Copshrink aboveboardconsulting.com. Copshrink911@gmail.com…

Code4Couples

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Ep 134: Communication and Trauma Response after Critical Incidents 1:09:44

2 years ago1:09:44

1:09:44

Katie Bingner is a counselor in Maryland, a law enforcement spouse, and a communications coach for law enforcement couples. I just assumed that her wife worked in Maryland. I was wrong. She works in Washington, DC. That led me to ask about January 6th and come to find out, her wife was in the thick of it. What started as an interview about connection and communication in law enforcement couples ended up being a conversation about how they were both impacted by the incident on January 6th. Katie talks about how their previous struggles that almost tore them apart made them stronger as a couple. It's something that she now credits with helping them to understand what they each needed as they moved through the trauma and multiple officers' suicides as a result of the January 6th insurrection. Katiebingner.com…

Code4Couples

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Ep 133: Making Your Holiday Happy 52:01

2 years ago52:01

52:01

There is a holiday song that always makes my husband and I laugh. It is Bob Rivers singing "The Twelve Pains of Christmas," and it's funny because it is sadly and hilariously true. The lyrics are the first thing about Christmas that's such a pain to me and he goes through a list. The first one is finding a Christmas tree, rigging up the lights, and hangovers. The fourth one is sending Christmas cards, five months of bills, and the sixth one is facing in-laws. He goes through other stressors as well like finding gifts, crying kids, charity donations, crowds, parking, you get the point. We all know that the holidays can be stressful and overwhelming. Let's add on the pressure for families to magically get along and you have a very dysfunctional bow on a very stressful holiday package. There can be conflict within your own family around supporting law enforcement, pressures to visit people, making the perfect dinner, and looking just so perfect for that event that you have to go to. At times, family and friends don’t really understand that you as an officer, or your spouse can't just survive on two hours of sleep to go to that family dinner or be present at the exact time that everybody's getting together. So how do you get through the holiday without overwhelming anxiety or anger? How do you be with people who know just the right thing to say to trigger you? Maybe you wind up feeling incredibly small or maybe you want to blow up and tell them off? How do you support your spouse when you know that they're triggered by your family or theirs? Let's talk about some of the conversations to have as a couple and how you can learn to respond to those people who know how to push your buttons so you can get through your own happy holiday.…

Code4Couples

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Ep 132: The Cop Doc 1:00:22

2 years ago1:00:22

1:00:22

You may or may not know who Dr. Ellen Kirschman is, but you’ve certainly been impacted by her. I think of Ellen as the godmother of police psychology. She has paved the way for many counselors and spouses with her books, I Love A Cop and Counseling Cops . She was one of the first, if not the first, to offer workshops for spouses to understand their officer. She's passionate about helping officers heal from trauma and continues to volunteer her time to do just that. In my interview with Ellen, I get her thoughts on how the blue family has changed over the years, trauma, PTSD, her books, and her love for writing fiction mystery novels based upon the stories and experiences she has had in the police world. Ellen Kirschman Ph.D. | Psychology Today United Kingdom Treating Traumatic Stress in First Responders | Psychology Today United Kingdom How Family Retreats Can Help Law Enforcement Families Heal | Psychology Today United Kingdom Married to a Cop? Their Stress Can Become Yours | Psychology Today United Kingdom Visit Ellen Kirschman, The Cop Doc and sign up for her newsletter to stay up to date on all new activity. I Love A Cop Counseling Cops Visit Amazon.com for all of Dr. Ellen Kirschman’s fiction mystery novels!…

Code4Couples

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Ep 131: Wives on Duty 51:38

2 years ago51:38

51:38

Before I met Allison Uribe, I came across her book, Cuffs and Coffee: A Devotional for Wives of America's Law Enforcement Officers. When we met in 2019 at a conference in Ohio where we were both speaking, I realized that Allison was not only a lot of fun but that she had grit. She will fess up to not handling situations the best way possible early on in her relationship and that she and her husband haven’t always had smooth sailing in their marriage. What saved her relationship was when she started walking her “faith walk.” She realized she needed to behave differently in her marriage and when she turned to faith, it impacted her and then her husband. Today Allison shares her story of struggle and how faith changed her and now allows her to impact many others in law enforcement as a Chaplain in San Antonio. Because I'm Suitable Cuffs and Coffee: A Devotional for Wives of America's Law Enforcement Officers. wivesondutyministries@gmail.com Wives On Duty Ministries | Facebook…

Code4Couples

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Ep 130: Retirement in Dual Law Enforcement Relationships 49:39

2 years ago49:39

49:39

No one I know is more out in our community as a dual law enforcement couple sharing their story than Cathy and Javier Bustos. I interviewed them several years ago on episode 46 when they were both still working in law enforcement and growing with their company, That Peer Support Couple. They shared their unique lens on being an officer and a spouse to each other. Now they've both retired and I wanted to find out what it has been like for them as officers and spouses in retirement. www.cathyandjavi.com cathyandjavi@gmail.com cbustos@warriorsrestfoundation.org javier@warriorsrestfoundation.org @thatpeersupportcouple Warrior's Rest Foundation – Helping First Responders Build Resilience through Trust and Courage (warriorsrestfoundation.org) Angels on the Horizon…

Code4Couples

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Encore: The Overtime Trap 33:19

2 years ago33:19

33:19

The holiday season can be challenging for any couple. For law enforcement couples, we know that it's going to bring an absence to regularly scheduled events and rituals. What can be kind of nice is the increased need for off-duty officers at shopping centers and churches, or the overtime that comes with having to work events, or the holidays themselves. That extra dump of income can be really nice and helpful, and even make the separation worth it during the holidays. It can also get couples in trouble if they plan on the cash to catch them up with bills that they've incurred throughout the years. The OT and off -duty can also have a side effect on officers creating a safety issue and stress and conflict in your relationship. It's important, especially during the holidays, to decide how you want to take advantage of the situation and honor how you want to celebrate and connect over the holiday season. Overtime and off -duty can be great. Just don't let it be a trap. Today, I'm rebooting one of my favorite episodes with now -retired sheriff's deputy, financial coach, and podcaster Jason Hoshauer, and his wife, Katie, as they talk about the financial trap they've found themselves in and how they recovered.…

Code4Couples

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Ep 129: Holding on to HAPPY 56:30

2 years ago56:30

56:30

Resilience is one of those words that gets shared in our community. But, what does it mean to be resilient, and how do we get there? Resilience isn’t about “bouncing back” but arriving at the understanding that your life has shifted or changed because of what has occurred. Resilience is about making meaning from what we have experienced. In this episode of the Code4Couples®podcast, Kate Pieper, LMFT, talks about how she took her personal experiences and professional expertise to create a resilience model she calls Holding On to HAPPY. Kate@katepieperlmft.com The Staff Assistant Podcast: Episode 45: Kate Pieper, LMFT on Apple Podcasts…

Code4Couples

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Ep 128: Be Better or Be Bitter 55:04

2 years ago55:04

55:04

As a law enforcement officer, you spend a lot of time helping other families during and after a crisis. You spend much of your time arresting people who are driving drunk, using drugs, stealing, or other illegal activities and you've probably called people who engage in those activities "losers", "idiots", "scumbags" or other derogatory names. Now, put yourself in a situation where, as an officer, those people are your family. Not extended family but your immediate family: your wife, husband, children, mom, dad, brother, or sister. What then? Doug Wyman, a former chief of police and law enforcement veteran of 32 years, reached out to me and said he wanted to share his story so other officers didn't feel alone. You can do your best to protect those in the community, as well as try to protect your family, but sometimes it is not in your control. Doug shares his story of his family's struggles with drugs, sexuality, gender, mental health, and suicide, all while he was helping his community walk through theirs. Doug is honest and open regarding the details of his life so please consider this a warning if any of those topics are a trigger. Doug Wyman: dyman1636 @gmail.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/douglas-wyman-6b80852a/…

Code4Couples

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Ep 127: Common Issues in Law Enforcement Relationships 31:33

2 years ago31:33

31:33

This week's podcast is a little bit of a spin. Adam Davis interviewed me for a conference he produced early this year. He had some good questions, so the interview was pretty alright. (HA) I asked him if I could share this interview on my podcast. Of course, he said yes. In this interview, I talk about a few ways that the job of law enforcement can spill over and negatively impact our relationship. In this episode, I talk about: What struggles in communication and connection? How does trauma impact our connection? The 3 basic steps in communication. Benefits of perspective taking. A few simple ways to impact your physical intimacy. Grab a beverage and get ready to share this with people who need to hear the basics of how law enforcement impacts their relationships. Check out more information on the website. Grab my FREE guide! Grab the BOOK…

Code4Couples

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Encore: Domestic Violence or Bad Behavior? 41:03

2 years ago41:03

41:03

There are a lot of statistics that go around with law enforcement and domestic violence. "Google 40% in Law Enforcement or maybe just the comment "40%." Those are the comments I sometimes get in my posts or in my reels on Instagram. I know exactly what it means when I read it. They are referring to the popular statistic that 40% of Law Enforcement engage in acts of violence against their spouse or their children. What many people do not know or share to care, is that this statistic is from two research articles. One from 1991, the other from 1992. This statistic has not been able to be duplicated since that time. October is Domestic Violence awareness month making it the perfect time to have the conversation. Not only about DV, but a real conversation about what to do if you think you or your spouse might be unintentionally crossing the line. To help give some clarity to the line between domestic violence and bad behavior, I interviewed Tabitha Westbrook, LMFT Fellow, LCMHC, and LPC, is an expert in domestic violence and an expert witness in PTSD for this podcast. Is It My Fault? Hope and healing for those suffering from Domestic Violence. By Lindsey Holcomb National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/ Tabitha’s Practice: www.thejourneryandtheprocess.com…

Code4Couples

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Ep 126: Men's Work with Garret Teslaa 37:32

2 years ago37:32

37:32

Garrett TeSlaa, host of the Squad Room podcast and Lieutenant in Southern California, reached out to me and asked if I had done a podcast on "men’s work." I had to give him a hard time about men’s work versus women’s work, and we joked around about it, but what he really meant was what I thought. It’s easier for women to do certain things like read self -help books or talk to other women about growth and development. It’s more socially acceptable to ask for help or go to therapy when something's wrong and not working. Garrett has been in cynical and dark places before in his life, and he encourages others with his podcast. Today, Garrett discusses men’s work and his next steps in helping other first responders. What is “Men’s Work”? Garrett considers men’s work the chance to prioritize their personal growth and find out what they want. His involves challenging some of their current beliefs and identifying habitual patterns used to protect themselves as first responders. Garrett describes men’s work as interactive, purpose-driven, and very individual-driven with the purpose of identifying their “why” and goals which are then aligned with values and actions. Man uncivilized: Heroes Journey: November 9-12th- Jefferson Colorado www.manuncivilized.com/heroesjourney Garrett TeSlaa: The importance of second responders | TED Talk…

Code4Couples

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Ep 125: Beyond the Badge 49:50

2 years ago49:50

49:50

Michael Laidler is an experienced law enforcement officer and a lieutenant with the Federal Bureau of Prisons, but when you meet him, he's not LT or Lieutenant. He's Michael Laidler, Lieutenant. Along the way, he has realized that it's incredibly important to remind himself that law enforcement has a role in his life, but it is not his entire life. He believes that everyone in law enforcement needs to put themselves and then their families as a priority. He started speaking on this topic and wrote a book to help officers and others transform fatigue into fulfillment through greatness beyond the badge. Michael@michaelalaidler.com https://michaelalaidler.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaellaidler https://youtube.com/@MichaelLaidler https://instagram.com/michaellaidler https://leofirst.libsyn.com/site https://www.facebook.com/MichaelLaidlerLeadership/ Amazon.com: Greatness Beyond the Badge: The Three Key Principles for Self-Awareness eBook : Laidler, Michael: Kindle Store…

Code4Couples

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Ep 124: Support Behind the Badge 45:49

2 years ago45:49

45:49

Imagine you sustain an injury on the job as an officer, an injury that takes you out of work for a while. Now, imagine what it would be like if no one in the department called to check on you. Imagine being that spouse who is taking care of the officer, still needing to work, picking up all the household duties, and still trying to physically take care of your spouse while emotionally addressing their needs. I don't know about you, but if I were that officer, I'd feel betrayed, and if I were the spouse, I would feel lonely and overwhelmed. This week, Stephanie Erb, a medically retired officer and founder of the LEO Wives Club support group, shares her story about support or lack of support that we all need to learn from. Facebook: LEO Wives Club…

Code4Couples

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Ep 123: Shiftwork Nutrition 49:49

2 years ago49:49

49:49

You're going from call to call and there is finally a moment when things slow down. You start to realize you haven't even thought about eating, much less had time to eat on your 12 hour shift that you're now seven hours into. In fact, you're actually really hungry, but you're lunch, dinner, or whatever meal you want to call it is at the PD in the fridge and you want to eat now. Hello, Whataburger! As an officer’s spouse, I tried to pack food as an act of love for my husband. He packed his own lunch too. We did it to try to save money, yet I would see those charges for Chicken Express or Dairy Queen come through. How do we make sure that officers are taking care of their main piece of equipment, their body when there is so much happening on a shift? I brought on @Shiftworkdietician, Raina Beugelink, who explains not only what happens in the body, but how we as officers and spouses can help to ensure nutrition that sustains an officer through shifts, but also a more productive recovery from night shifts. She is incredibly passionate about supporting shift workers and their families to help them increase their energy, and improve their health because she has seen firsthand the toll that it can take on mental health, physical health, and our relationships. Health Program for Shift Workers - Shift Work Nutrition @shiftworkdietician…

Code4Couples

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Ep 122: Mindset and Control 53:43

2 years ago53:43