416: Behind the Sessions: Grief and Identity When IVF Doesn’t End with a Baby

Mom and Mind

A wide range of perinatal mental health topics come up in my therapy practice, including issues with conception, birth, postpartum, and much more. I frequently see people go through multiple rounds of IVF and other assisted reproductive technologies through years of struggles to have a child. Often overlooked in these attempts is the impact when these efforts do not result in a baby, and this experience needs to be acknowledged and discussed. Multiple attempts with unsuccessful outcomes can be the end of their journey to have a baby. Tough decisions have to be made when age, mental and physical health, and financial resources force an end to their hopes and dreams. Today’s episode focuses on the intense grief and profound identity shifts that can occur when all of those best efforts do not result in a baby.

Show Highlights:

• There is no timeline for the grief and depression someone may feel when their motherhood dream ends.

• People go into the IVF process believing that persistence WILL result in a child.

• The relationship with your own body becomes complicated, especially when there are no answers.

• Dealing with well-intentioned people with unending advice adds to the pressure you feel.

• This kind of grief becomes invisible.

• Being a mother might be intertwined with your sense of purpose and identity in the world.

• Profound, life-altering grief can accompany your loss of identity.

• Therapy can be helpful and offer you a safe space.

• Grief does not have to be a hopeless process.

• It’s okay to feel what you feel.

• Dr. Kat’s words of hope to those who are grieving

Resources:

Call the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA or visit cdph.ca.gov

Please find resources in English and Spanish at Postpartum Support International, or by phone/text at 1-800-944-4773. There are many free resources, like online support groups, peer mentors, a specialist provider directory, and perinatal mental health training for therapists, physicians, nurses, doulas, and anyone who wants to be more supportive in offering services.

You can also follow PSI on social media: Instagram, Facebook, and most other platforms

Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.

Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today!

If you are a California resident looking for a therapist in perinatal mental health, email me about openings for private pay clients!

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