Two simple, uncomplicated reasons why you suffer

Self-Coaching

#Fitness #Mental Health #Dr. Joe Luciani

51:57

On the Season 2 debut of Lost Cultures: Living Legacies , we travel to Bermuda, an Atlantic island whose history spans centuries and continents. Once uninhabited, Bermuda became a vital stop in transatlantic trade, a maritime stronghold, and a cultural crossroads shaped by African, European, Caribbean, and Native American influences. Guests Dr. Kristy Warren and Dr. Edward Harris trace its transformation from an uninhabited island to a strategic outpost shaped by shipwrecks, colonization, the transatlantic slave trade, and the rise and fall of empires. Plus, former Director of Tourism Gary Phillips shares the story of the Gombey tradition, a vibrant performance art rooted in resistance, migration, and cultural fusion. Together, they reveal how Bermuda’s layered past continues to shape its people, culture, and identity today. You can also find us online at ⁠travelandleisure.com/lostcultures Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices…

about a year ago 19:35

MP3•Episode home

If you’re like most people who have tried to understand why your life has become so twisted and tormented, you’ve probably spent most of your time scouring the weeds of your past looking for clues as to “Why?”And you’ve likely come out of those weeds still feeling stuck. You may have tried therapy (formal or self-help bibliotherapy) yet, you’re still struggling. In my estimation, whether it’s formal therapy or your own bibliotherapy, if all your efforts aren’t making sense and translating to everyday real-life experience, then perhaps it’s time to simplify the process of healing. What if I were to tell you that there are two simple, uncomplicated reasons why you suffer from anxiety and depression? Well, you might think this is an exaggeration. In this Self-Coaching episode let me explain why it’s not an exaggeration.

227 episodes

Two simple, uncomplicated reasons why you suffer

Self-Coaching

published about a year ago

MP3•Episode home

227 episodes

#Fitness #Mental Health #Dr. Joe Luciani

All episodes

1
5 ways to tell if your life is too boring 17:48

4 days ago17:48

17:48

We naturally become bored when our brain isn’t entertained, emotionally engaged, or sufficiently challenged. I’m sure you’ll agree that to some extent, boredom is an inescapable part of life. But how can you tell if your life is too boring? In this Self-Coaching podcast, I discuss the need to determine to what extent boredom may play a disruptive role in your life. Whether it’s a mismatch between ability and challenge, attention issues, or low dopamine, boredom can result from many causes. As much as we think of boredom as a negative, restless experience, there is a bright side. Join me as I explore this often-overlooked aspect of boredom.…

1
Why can’t I learn to say no? 20:53

17 days ago20:53

20:53

The inability to say ‘no’ is a habit, a habit of insecurity. Whether it’s the fear of disapproval or rejection, a desire to please, guilt, low self-worth, or simply wanting to avoid conflict, when you find yourself saying yes when you’d rather be saying no, then you need to listen to this episode of Self-Coaching. Learning to say no requires some psychological grounding, but more importantly, it’s understanding that standing up for yourself is a skill. A skill that can be learned. I offer five simple techniques for learning to respect your boundaries while assertively (with kindness) taking care of your needs.…

1
24-hour Optimism Kickstart 16:40

4 weeks ago16:40

16:40

Do you ever wish you could be more positive, more optimistic? If so, this Self-Coaching podcast may be just what you need. Did you know that optimism isn’t just a personality trait; it’s a skill. A skill that you can actually build. Join me as I talk about some simple steps and exercises geared to help you focus on possibilities, not problems, reframing reflexive negativity, and learning to risk trusting that you can, in fact, handle what life throws at you.…

1
How to avoid getting overwhelmed by life 17:09

7 weeks ago17:09

17:09

Life’s demands, challenges, scares, and fears can really pile up. Sometimes it just feels like too much. The tumult of feeling overwhelmed is something that happens to all of us and although we can’t control life and the many challenges we encounter, there are things we can do to minimize, if not, eliminate the chaotic experience of feeling out of control. In this Self-Coaching episode I offer strategies for coping when we begin to feel powerless and victimized by life and/or our emotions. Avoiding getting overwhelmed isn’t about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about building little habits, developing a more resilient mindset, and a support system that can help you feel more grounded…even when things get messy.…

1
Managing your fears 17:37

8 weeks ago17:37

17:37

Mark Twain once said that courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear. Although it’s tempting to wish you were fearless, without fear, our lives would quickly become reckless and threatened. Fear, healthy, objective fear is an essential component of our genetic inheritance, but irrational, neurotic fear is not. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the difference between normal and neurotic fear and strategies to minimize needless neurotic struggle.…

1
Use my ‘wave’ theory to eliminate worry and anxiety 21:36

12 weeks ago21:36

21:36

In everyone’s life, there are ups, downs, happy times, and anxious times. But one thing is certain: life undulates. I call these undulations, waves--psychological waves. Think of waves as life’s challenges. Some waves consist of circumstantial, externally driven challenges, e.g., illness, financial struggles, loss, and so on, while other waves are psychological, driven by habits of insecurity. One thing about waves, circumstantial or psychological, they…undulate—they come, and they go. Waves eventually subside, allowing us to enter a trough state of potential calm. I say potential because for anyone suffering from anxiety, depression, or emotional struggle, being in a trough state (a potential for calm and solace) is no guarantee of solace; they generate neurotic “waves,” anticipating, worrying, what-iffing, etc. And for those who generate waves, there is no solace. Join me in the Self-Coaching podcast to learn what is necessary to ensure that your ‘trough state’ isn’t corrupted by the neurotic habits of insecurity.…

1
Self-Coaching weekly challenge: Self-Coaching yourself to a better life 23:13

14 weeks ago23:13

23:13

Self-Coaching is not just another form of coaching; it’s a unique CBT-based program based on the idea that anxiety, depression, and other emotional struggles stem from learned habits of insecurity and self-doubt—habits that can be broken. To liberate yourself from struggle, you need to understand the fundamental ‘why’ you struggle in the first place. Why, no matter how much you’ve tried, nothing changes.In this week’s episode, I offer a step-by-step strategy that will teach you to become your own best coach, enabling you to overcome feeling powerless and victimized by life.…

1
Self-Coaching weekly challenge: How to avoid burnout in your life 22:32

15 weeks ago22:32

22:32

How would you define ‘burnout?’ Essentially, it’s a feeling you can’t go on—there’s just no more gas left in the tank. You may feel anxious, depleted, or simply stuck. Many components contribute to feeling burned out, chronic stress, fear of failure, self-criticism, not feeling good enough, being overcommitted, bored, and so on. Burnout isn’t just psychological; the relentless stress you feel is dumping stress chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol into your body, inevitably leading the way to anxiety and depression. Join me in this Self-Coaching weekly challenge as I discuss some simple practical strategies designed to help you avoid further depletion and burnout in your life.…

1
Self-Coaching weekly challenge: stop allowing others to manipulate you 18:59

16 weeks ago18:59

18:59

Are you tired of being manipulated? Saying yes when you’d rather be saying no? In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn how manipulators tend to bend you to their will by using tactics like guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or simply wearing you down. Join me as I explain how to set clear boundaries, avoid over-explaining, and use techniques like “Broken Record” to ensure that you don’t have to feel manipulated or bullied by coercive people who aren’t at all concerned about your attempts to resist and are only concerned about twisting you to do their bidding.…

1
Imposter syndrome: Stop feeling you’re a fraud 18:48

17 weeks ago18:48

18:48

Regardless of age, gender, background, or profession, for many, no matter how much they try or succeed in life, they believe they’re frauds. Imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling of self-doubt and inadequacy, despite evidence of success and competence. People experiencing it often believe they’re frauds or undeserving of their achievements, fearing they’ll be "exposed" as unqualified and embarrassed, even if they’ve worked hard and accomplished much. Join me in this week’s Self-Coaching challenge to dispel the feeling that you’re living a lie. The “lie” has been based on the insecurity premise that you’re a fake, a phony. Once you yield to this deception, everything else becomes irrelevant. If you were to get that promotion or be nominated for mayor or even if you were to build a bridge or find a cure for the common cold, none of this would matter because eventually, you go back to feeling, “If they only knew the truth about me.” Let me offer you some Self-Coaching suggestions and techniques to liberate yourself from the shadow of self-doubt and fear of being exposed.…

1
Self-Coaching weekly challenge: How to stop over-controlling your life 22:11

19 weeks ago22:11

22:11

Beware of the saying: “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” All too often, we cling to the short-sighted safety of attempting to control life. But sometimes, because of insecurity, a normal need for control becomes excessive as we desperately try to over-control life and outcomes. The problem is that the more we rely on insecurity-driven habits of control, the less we rely on our natural resilient ability to trust self and life. Rather than letting go and allowing life to unfold, we gravitate toward perfectionism, rigidity, and neurotic self-distrust. You may have become convinced that over-controlling life may feel like a better option than risking self-trust, but if you truly want to live a more passionate, liberated, enjoyable life, then it’s time to realize that there’s only one devil—refusing to risk self-trust. This week’s Self-Coaching challenge is to learn to risk believing that you can let life unfold today without your usual insistence that life, outcomes, and others must be controlled. Controlling life is a myth; living life isn’t.…

1
Self-Coaching Weekly Challenge: finding more purpose in your life 21:33

19 weeks ago21:33

21:33

Most people, at one time or another, will ask, “What’s the purpose of life?” More accurately, we should be asking, “What’s my purpose in life.” For some this isn’t a difficult question to answer, yet for others, it remains a total mystery. A sense of purpose isn’t something reserved for only those fortunate, happy, successful people; it’s a potential that resides in each of us. Unfortunately, one’s purpose may be submerged, unrealized, or covered over by neurotic distortions. While there’s no simple, one-size-fits-all answer, join me in this week’s Self-Coaching challenge as I offer suggestions that may help you grapple with finding more purpose in your life.…

1
Self-Coaching weekly challenge: Developing self-discipline and willpower 26:37

20 weeks ago26:37

26:37

Developing self-discipline and willpower What stops you from achieving your goals? What exactly is the resistance that keeps you from taking charge of your life and realizing your intentions? As complex and multifaceted as the answer to this query may be, one way or another, it all boils down to self-discipline. From a Self-Coaching perspective, self-discipline and willpower depend on the ability to willfully endure the transient discomfort of changing who and what you are. You weren’t born with self-discipline, you acquired it. Like a muscle, you need to develop your self-discipline muscle, one challenge at a time. So, if you wish you had more follow-through to get things done, whether losing weight, exercising, or realizing your ambitions, this Self-Coaching episode will give you strategies for reconstituting your atrophied self-discipline muscle.…

1
How to avoid regrets in life 22:56

22 weeks ago22:56

22:56

Let’s be honest, we live in a world of imperfection. we are imperfect. No matter how fastidious you may be, there will always be banana peels to slip on in everyone’s life. “Why did I do that?” “If only I worked harder.” The old could-a, would-a, should-a’s. Every challenge, no matter how small, is an opportunity to grow in self-respect, confidence, and self-trust. Every setback is an opportunity to grow in self-respect, confidence, and self-trust. It’s true we can’t prevent regrets, but we damn well can minimize and avoid most of them. In this Self-Coaching episode, join me as I offer twelve ways to minimize regrets going forward while letting go of yesterday’s banana slips.…

1
Happiness, what’s holding you back 20:58

23 weeks ago20:58

20:58

Bumble bees are not supposed to fly. Their body weighs too much, and their wingspan is too short. Thank goodness the bumble bee doesn’t know these facts. What are the supposed “facts” that are holding you back? Sure, there are challenging circumstances in your life. But it’s not life circumstances that are holding you back or making you feel anxious or depressed, it’s your reaction to these circumstances When it comes to happiness, we often hold ourselves back psychologically through self-imposed limitations and mental barriers, many of which stem from past experiences, cultural conditioning, or deeply ingrained, habituated thought patterns. Join me in this week’s episode as I explore some common ways we do this.…

Self-Coaching

1
Self-Coaching weekly challenge: Changing neurotic perceptions 18:49

24 weeks ago18:49

18:49

I’m sure you’ll agree that changing neurotic perceptions characterized by excessive worrying fear or emotional hyper-reactivity is easier said than done. In order to change the way you perceive and think about yourself and the world, it will take what we might call intentional effort. Efforts to reframe the thought patterns that have become reflexive habits while also managing and regulating your emotional/physiological responses. Once you understand how you’ve been compromised by neurotic perceptions and thoughts, then it’s time to apply a Self-Coaching approach that will allow you to reverse the grip that irrational, anxious struggles have on your life.…

Self-Coaching

1
Self-Coaching weekly challenge: Stop making mountains out of molehills 17:24

25 weeks ago17:24

17:24

Ever notice how silly someone else’s worry seems to you? How many times have you told someone to stop making mountains out of molehills? Unfortunately,// if worry has become your knee-jerk reflexive response to life challenges, then mountain-making is what you do best. People make mountains out of molehills for a variety of psychological, emotional, and social reasons. This often stems from an inability to put issues into perspective, where minor inconveniences are perceived as major crises. And if you struggle with stress and anxiety, you’re probably no stranger to amplifying small problems, making them seem disproportionately ‘mountain’ like.…

Self-Coaching

1
Self-Coaching weekly challenge: Injecting hope into your day 9:25

26 weeks ago9:25

9:25

In everyone’s life there are challenges, some big, some small. When faced with adversity, hope can help us weather our storms. What exactly is hope? There’s no doubt that hope involves our emotions, but did you know that hope itself is not an emotion? Hope is a way of thinking. This means that hope—OR HAVING a hopeful attitude-- can be learned or coached. It’s true that hope may not mitigate the inevitable challenges we must face, but hope isn’t about what’s coming around the corner, it’s about releasing ourselves from the despair of hopelessness in our present. Allowing us to live more courageously and unencumbered by pessimistic projections.…

Self-Coaching

1
Self-Coaching Weekly Challenge: prescription for having a great day 8:19

27 weeks ago8:19

8:19

In this Self-Coaching podcast, I’m introducing a new format: weekly Self-Coaching challenges. My intention is to provide bite-sized, motivational instructions that can be practiced each week to enhance your Self-Coaching efforts. Today’s challenge is an exercise in ‘creating a bubble’ of separation from your world of “have-tos.” By practicing being more responsive to your ‘whims,’ you open yourself up to glimpse the life that awaits you.…

Self-Coaching

1
Don’t let pessimism con you 26:59

28 weeks ago26:59

26:59

Today’s Self-Coaching episode addresses the crucial role that optimism and pessimism have on your liberation from emotional struggle. Although I’ll be talking about optimism in next week’s podcast, I felt it was crucial to first address what happens when we identify with pessimism, “I’ll never get better,” “life’s too hard, I just can’t handle it.” This is the voice of pessimism, which has become an entrenched habit of ego identification—in a very real sense, you become your pessimism. And when this happens, you begin what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the neurotic thinking associated with insecurity begins to feel like it’s your voice—It’s not!…

Self-Coaching

1
Responsive Living: your key to ending emotional struggle 22:13

29 weeks ago22:13

22:13

Perhaps the best way to describe Responsive Living would be the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) phrase Let go, let god. The simplicity of this adage may escape you,// but trust me, it’s quite profound. In AA parlance, it has to do with letting go of compulsive, destructive thinking and handing yourself over to a higher power. From a secularized, Self-Coaching standpoint, Responsive Living is learning to let go, let life. Translation: letting go of trying to over-control life, and instead learning to risk letting life unfold spontaneously without anticipation, worry, or fear. Join me in this Self-Coaching episode to explore this extremely important Mind-Talk step of learning to use Responsive Living to liberate yourself from a life of emotional struggle.…

Self-Coaching

1
Mind-Talk: Envisioning–Releasing yourself from struggle 23:08

30 weeks ago23:08

23:08

Releasing yourself from struggle You’ve heard it said that a picture is worth a thousand words. When you get caught up in the incessant chatter of insecurity-driven thinking, having a simple picture in your mind can be far more useful than a thousand words of analyzing or trying to understand the “whys” of your suffering. In this Self-Coaching episode, I provide two compelling, fail-safe visualizations that you will want to use over and over again whenever your mind feels hijacked by insecurity-driven ruminations of emotional struggle. Why are visualizations so powerful? Simply because the brain likes, even craves, visual images. You can tell yourself to stop worrying, which, more often than not, requires a tedious effort, but if you create a visual image in your mind, you will be short-circuiting the neurotic ruminations that cripple you, allowing you to turn away from the toxic chatter of insecurity and reconnect with a more relaxed, empowered perspective—one that will enable you to proceed to next week’s critically important step 3, Reactive Living.…

Self-Coaching

1
Doing something by doing nothing—how to stop neurotic thinking 30:46

31 weeks ago30:46

30:46

How exactly do you stop allowing yourself to be manipulated by neurotic thinking? The simple answer to this question is best summed up by something my grandmother was fond of saying: You can’t stop a bird from flying into your hair, but you don’t have to help it build a nest. You may not be able to stop neurotic thoughts from percolating up into consciousness, but you don’t have to passively allow your conscious mind to become part of the “nest-building” problem. This is the essence of Mind-Talk’s Step Two, stopping the progression of insecurity-driven thinking. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I introduce two techniques for stopping this progression (a.k.a., nest building): • Engaging—focusing your conscious mind to actively stop the progression of insecurity-driven thinking. • Active Ignoring—asserting your conscious mind to ignore and disengage from insecurity-driven thinking.…

Self-Coaching

1
Mind-Talk Step 1: critically observing your thoughts 24:07

32 weeks ago24:07

24:07

If you do nothing about your thinking, nothing will change. If you do something about your thinking, you will change. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I will introduce you to the first of four steps involved in Mind-Talk. Mind-Talk is my unique technique for ensuring liberation from anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggles. Today's episode with teach you two critical exercises: Detached Mind-Checking and Critically Observing. Once you learn these simple techniques, you will no longer feel victimized by the inexplicable, habituated, neurotic thoughts that have prevented you from the solace that you long for.…

Self-Coaching

1
Mind-Talk preparation—how the unconscious contaminates our thinking 22:51

33 weeks ago22:51

22:51

It’s critical for you to understand that when it comes to your awareness, your conscious thoughts are not alone. With conscious awareness, you can, for example, be totally conscious and aware of your compulsive, worrisome ruminations: What if I get sick? What will happen to my job? What if I lose my job? What if...? but equally unconscious of the reflexive insecurity that spawns these neurotically laden thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. So, the question is this: with all the cross-fertilization—conscious-unconscious melding—how in the world do we separate truth from untruth, facts from emotionally driven fiction? In this Self-Coaching podcast, join me as I help you prepare for the specific Mind-Talk steps that will enable you to make these critical distinctions. Today, we’ll discuss three types of thinking:1.) Spontaneous thoughts. Unprovoked thoughts that erupt spontaneously into consciousness, Oops, I forgot to make that call. These are thoughts triggered by the unconscious that emerge into consciousness from the unconscious.2.) Conscious, intentional thinking.3.) Insecurity-Driven thoughts. These are reflexive thoughts that evoke doubt, fear, or negativity. These thoughts are not consciously driven (you may, for example, become aware of your fearful thoughts after you feel them).…

Self-Coaching

1
Mind-Talk: four steps to emotional liberation 30:26

34 weeks ago30:26

30:26

In today’s Self-Coaching podcast I want to introduce you to my technique of Mind Talk. Mind Talk is a four-step program that will allow you to assert the full power of your conscious mind in order to neutralize the distorted, neurotic thinking that sustains anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggle. This technique is the core of my philosophy of Self-Coaching and will require a series of podcasts to fully equip you with the foundation necessary to succeed in liberating yourself from your struggles. Today’s episode is the first of the series. I begin by laying the preliminary groundwork for the steps ahead. We begin with a more through understanding, a demystifying, of how we think. Our conscious thoughts need to be seen in a different light. You need to understand that you are not your neurotic thoughts, these are interlopers, perpetrated by insecurity. Today’s podcast will help you recognize the importance of separating your true self from the neurotic entanglements of habituated, insecurity-driven thinking. Next week we’ll explore the role that the unconscious plays and following next week’s episode, we’ll begin a discussion of the four steps involved in applying Mind Talk.…

Self-Coaching

1
Active-Mind, Passive-Mind: Awakening Your sleeping giant of consciousness 22:47

35 weeks ago22:47

22:47

If you’ve been listening to my recent podcasts, you would have heard me say that the reason you struggle emotionally is that you have become a passive victim of old, insecurity-driven habits. And make no mistake, a passive mind will always be susceptible to manipulation by insecurity. Essentially, a passive mind, one that capitulates to the doubts, fears, and negativity of insecurity, insists that neurotic struggle is….well, just the way it is. Bull! Once you awaken your sleeping giant of consciousness (active-mind) you can learn to overcome neurotic passivity and begin the important process of neutralizing reflexive, anxious thinking. Join me in this Self-Coaching podcast to see how a traumatic experience from my past led to my understanding of the absolute power your conscious mind has over that in you, which seems powerless.…

Self-Coaching

1
Four steps to decontaminate your psyche 21:33

36 weeks ago21:33

21:33

In today’s Self-Coaching podcast, I talk about decontaminating and neutralizing the destructive, reflexive habits of the past that operate just beneath your level of consciousness. These less-than-conscious influences, which I call part of your shadow personality, are the reason why we struggle. Keep in mind that these habits are less than conscious, not unconscious!Using my Self-Coaching technique of ‘mind talk,’ you can learn to bring these destructive habits out of the shadow and into the full light of conscious awareness. Once exposed, you can apply my four steps that will help you begin a process of neutralizing the neurotic baggage of the past while putting you on a liberated, uncontaminated path of wellness.…

Self-Coaching

1
CONSCIOUS CORRECTIONS: HOW TO ELIMINATE NEUROTIC STRUGGLE 19:18

37 weeks ago19:18

19:18

We all have what I call a ‘shadow personality.’ Although a non-nurturing parental environment can be a major contributor to the shadow personality, any disruptive developmental challenges that all children face—fear, poverty, separations, loss, illness, and so on, can result in feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. These influences comprise the shadow of your here-and-now personality. Like the backdrop of a play, the shadow personality has an indirect, reflexive influence on your life. And it’s these influences that constitute the insecurity-driven habits that fuel your emotional struggles. In this podcast, I introduce a new Self-Coaching tool: conscious correction. With conscious correction, you will learn how to bring reflexive neurotic aspects of your shadow personality into focus, enabling you to “pump the brakes” slowing down your worrisome habits while neutralizing the acquired, destructive influences of the past.…

Self-Coaching

1
The effects of growing up with defective, inadequate parenting 16:53

38 weeks ago16:53