75. Example Of Us Working Through Conflict (In Real Time)

The Art of We

35:51

Diego Pavia and Paul Finebaum are this week’s Netflix Sports Club guests. Paul Finebaum, the voice of the SEC, drops a bold national championship prediction that might give the Big Tenners pause, and he reveals which SEC quarterback has him starstruck. Vanderbilt quarterback, Diego Pavia, gives a standout performance on and off the field in SEC Football: Any Given Saturday. He relives that improbable ‘Bama victory, including pre-game routine and why he thinks this victory changed the conversation about Vandy football - sorry Nick Saban. Paul Fineman and Diego Pavia gaze into the crystal ball of the 2025 season, and what do they see? Heisman Trophies, making Auburn pay, and LSU’s chances for glory. In this interview, Vandy QB, Diego Pavia: 🟥 Details the 2024 Vandy vs. ‘Bama Buildup 🟥 Discusses playing for Coach Lea and with his bestie 🟥 Reveals his true height In this interview, SEC Expert, Paul Finebaum answers: 🟥 Why the SEC’s staying power is unrivaled? 🟥 Who’s almost a bigger star than Taylor Swift? 🟥 Which team will win the 2025 National Championship? 00:00 Intro 01:24 Vandy QB Diego Pavia Is a Star 01:37 Beating Bama 03:19 Choosing Vandy And Coach Lea 04:58 Give Me The Ball 06:20 Dude Put In The Work 07:38 Nick Saban Said What?? 08:20 Underdogs 10:22 Watch Out Auburn 12:33 Recruits: Come To Vandy! 13:29 Kay and Dani Talk SEC 15:54 Paul Finebaum’s SEC Picks 16:40 All About Arch Manning 17:23 SEC: The Only Game In Town 18:25 South Carolina Should Be In The Playoffs 19:40 Shane Beamer Bounce Back? 20:14 Arch Manning Is No Taylor Swift 21:42 The Weight of Being a Manning 22:31 Finebaum: “Best Player Since Tim Tebow” 23:20 LSU QB1 + Championship Or Bust 25:39 Post Saban Alabama 27:42 Is Vanderbilt Legit? 28:44 Can Mississippi State Survive? 29:49 The Vols “Will Struggle This Year” 31:44 SEC: Natty. Little Tenners: Nothing 33:09 Outro 34:28 Up Next - America’s Team: The Gambler And His Cowboys 🏈 Diego Pavia Instagram - https://bit.ly/45uLND4 TikTok - http://bit.ly/4fsLY5p X - https://bit.ly/4ldwx2j 🏈 Vanderbilt Instagram - http://bit.ly/4lfo8eu X - http://bit.ly/4mCiaWt YouTube - @vucommodores 🏈 Paul Finebaum Instagram - https://bit.ly/45kVtPv X - https://bit.ly/46JQFWc 🎙️ Kay Adams Instagram - http://bit.ly/3GYp4Go TikTok - http://bit.ly/4m7KmR9 X - http://bit.ly/45nI2Ou 🎙️ Dani Klupenger Instagram - https://bit.ly/3HeGGxx TikTok - https://bit.ly/4lQSBkl X - https://bit.ly/4lWpufr 🟥 Netflix Sports Instagram - http://bit.ly/45CPAhL TikTok - http://bit.ly/4mti6Ia X - http://bit.ly/4mseqGH Facebook - http://bit.ly/45o5xqK YouTube - @NetflixSports We want to hear from you! Leave us a voice message at www.speakpipe.com/NetflixSportsClub Be sure to watch, listen, and subscribe to the Netflix Sports Club Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, Tudum, and wherever you get your podcasts. Hosted by Kay Adams, the Netflix Sports Club Podcast is an all-access deep dive into the Netflix Sports Universe. Join Kay as she speaks with athletes, coaches, and top sports correspondents to break down the latest Netflix Sports series. Expect bold opinions, insightful analysis, and candid conversations you won’t find anywhere else.…

about a year ago 27:37

MP3•Episode home

In this episode, Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer work through a challenge in real-time, sharing a raw and unscripted exploration of navigating work-from-home challenges. Without the safety net of rehearsals or preparations, listeners are granted an intimate glimpse into the dynamics of how they work through conflict while standing for both individual needs and collective harmony.

Faced with the adjustments of working from home more frequently due to their business partner’s paternity leave, Will and Krista confront the complexities of sharing their suddenly all-too-close quarters. Their candid discussion revolves around an innovative agreement aimed at granting each other solo days at home but quickly evolves into a deeper examination of personal needs, boundaries, and the intricate dance of living and working together in a shared space.

The conversation navigates through moments of tension, insight, and vulnerability, offering listeners a rare look at the process of real-time problem-solving within a relationship. Join Dr. Will and Krista as they demonstrate the art of working through challenges together, in real-time, with openness and love.

A must listen for:

Learning to create shared reality as a basis to work through conflict
Learning to stand for one’s own preferences while being willing to see new areas of growth
Learning to get everyone’s needs met, rather than compromise
Understanding the power of agreement-based relationships

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Resources Mentioned:

Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements

Get in Touch:

The Art Of We Website
The Art of We Instagram
Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

127 episodes

75. Example Of Us Working Through Conflict (In Real Time)

The Art of We

published about a year ago

MP3•Episode home

A must listen for:

Learning to create shared reality as a basis to work through conflict
Learning to stand for one’s own preferences while being willing to see new areas of growth
Learning to get everyone’s needs met, rather than compromise
Understanding the power of agreement-based relationships

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Resources Mentioned:

Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements

Get in Touch:

The Art Of We Website
The Art of We Instagram
Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts:

127 episodes

All episodes

The Art of We

1
126. The Circle: A Real-Time Practice for Women to Lead Without Apology (with Barbs Edwards) 38:12

7 weeks ago38:12

38:12

If you’re a woman who feels like you’re performing, over-managing others’ comfort, or doubting your leadership instincts—this episode is for you. Krista and her colleague Barbs Edwards, introduce The Circle: a transformational women’s group experience based on T-Group methodology. Together they explore how this real-time relational practice helps women track their inner experience, speak with clarity and care, and break free from old patterns like people-pleasing, over-controlling, or self-doubt. You’ll hear personal stories, practical insights, and why collaborative, emotionally intelligent leadership is more needed now than ever. (00:00) – Why women don’t have impostor syndrome—they have undervalued leadership styles (02:13) – Guest Barbs Edwards (05:21) – What is T-Group (06:59) – Speaking only what’s true (08:54) – Tracking yourself vs. managing others (10:24) – Why this work helps women stop performing (12:22) – Barbs’ personal story: finally shifting lifelong patterns (17:05) – Krista’s journey through corporate gender bias and self-doubt (21:37) – Real-time feedback: How others actually experience you (34:07) – How The Circle accelerates growth (36:17) – How to join a free Taster Circle (virtual or in-person) Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from you! Resources Mentioned: The Circle For Women Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
125. Our Partnership Mindset For Resilience During Hard Times 19:43

9 weeks ago19:43

19:43

In this honest and heartfelt episode of The Art of We, Krista and Will unpack the mindset shift that’s helping them meet uncertainty and stress with strength. Instead of reacting from “life is in the way,” they explore how choosing a “this is on the way” perspective changes everything, especially in partnership. From grief to bypassing to finding meaning, they share real tools and reflections for returning to a higher set point, together. “ The Art Of We ” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (00:00) Intro and relational check-in: chaos, uncertainty, & weird coping rituals (03:35) Life update for our listeners (05:55) How to stay aligned during life intensity (06:42) From “in the way” to “on the way” (08:04) Suffering & the narratives we choose (09:15) Complaining & bypassing (11:28) Emotional honesty & recommitting (13:37) Respecting real grief & hardship (14:45) Viktor Frankl, responsibility, & reclaiming narrative power (16:07) What matters most in partnership Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from you! Resources Mentioned: ● Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements ● Viktor Frankl Book Get in Touch: ● The Art Of We Website ● TheArt of We Instagram ● Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
124. Date Nights, Honest Sex & Deepening Intimacy with Shana James 50:51

13 weeks ago50:51

50:51

In this episode of The Art of We , Krista is joined by longtime friend and renowned relationship coach Shana James for a candid, heartfelt conversation about cultivating deeper intimacy in partnership. From redefining what sex actually means to designing date nights that create more presence, pleasure, and connection — we talk about insights and tools that might just shift how you think about intimacy, sex, and what’s possible in your relationship. This episode is full of heart-opening perspectives on what it really means to be intimate with another human being. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (02:13) Welcome Shana James (04:13) Impact of growing up without emotional intimacy (06:42) The question that changed Shana’s client’s relationship (07:02) What is intimacy, really? (09:57) Shana’s 7-date night ritual (12:15) Creating turn-on by removing pressure (14:07) Practicing presence and attunement in intimacy (17:46) Prioritizing intention for opening more possibility (20:00) Perimenopause, stress, and shifting desire (26:53) Breaking inherited relational patterns (32:36) When your partner shuts down or isn’t growth-minded (35:36) Calling your partner into their greatness (43:33) Redefining sex Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from you! Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Shana James’ Honest Sex Book Shana James Quiz Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
123. Abundant Repair: Our Agreement That Turns Conflict Into Connection 20:53

16 weeks ago20:53

20:53

When conflict arises in a relationship, do you retreat, explode, or sweep it under the rug? We unpack one of our foundational relationship agreements: to Repair Abundantly. We explore how the ability to fully and lovingly repair after conflict is the difference between surviving and thriving—and how the right kind of repair doesn’t just restore connection, it deepens it. We share personal stories, listener questions, and the real-life impact of doing this work together, especially when triggers come up again (and again). “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (00:00) Why this is one of our most essential agreements (01:40) What repair means to us (and how it’s different than just “making up”) (03:30) Attachment theory and the 3 phases (05:28) How repair can leave you more connected than before the conflict (07:22) What happens when repair isn’t mutual or complete (10:38) “What if I’m always the one to initiate repair?” (13:02) Attachment dynamics in conflict (15:10) Why shared purpose in your relationship is essential (17:26) “What if the same trigger keeps coming up?” (19:44) When to seek deeper therapy or examine incomplete repairs (21:10) A call to mutual growth, grace, and staying in the conversation Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners! Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Getting To Zero by Jayson Gaddis Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
122. Always Find Possibility: Our Game-Changing Agreement for When Life Gets Hard 25:16

17 weeks ago25:16

25:16

What if one agreement could shift how you move through perceived limitations, everyday stuckness, and painful patterns in your relationship? Krista and Will dive into their relationship agreement, “To Always Find Possibility.” Whether it's health issues, career crossroads, or relational tension, this simple yet powerful commitment has helped them stay connected, creative, and forward-moving—even when things seem hopeless. Tune in for real-life examples, practical insights, and an invitation to transform how you face challenges with your partner. “ The Art Of We ” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (00:00) The origin of the agreement (02:30) What “always find possibility” means (05:45) Why this agreement applies to every area of life (08:50) Real-life example: Krista’s health scare (12:20) Bypassing or real possibility? (14:45) When one partner can't see the way through (17:40) How this agreement affects parenting, career, and decisions (20:55) Why this isn’t just toxic positivity (23:45) What to do if your partner doesn’t think this way (27:00) How agreements like this turn into anchoring tools during crisis (30:00) Addressing polarization (32:15) The power of staying in the conversation (34:00) An invitation for listeners Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners! Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
121. Addressing Passive-Aggressive Comments (Replay) 27:30

19 weeks ago27:30

27:30

About the Episode: Addressing passive-aggressive comments like a ninja is highly satisfying. It can stop the aggressor in their shoes and wake them up to the impact they’re having. Most passive-aggressive comments are simply unskilled communications of negative feelings. By directly and neutrally addressing passive aggressiveness, we can support each other to grow as human beings. In episode 121 of the Art of We podcast, we get into the nuanced terrain of passive aggressiveness in both personal and professional relationships. Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer discuss its subtle nature and how it can operate under a veneer of politeness, making it challenging to detect and address. They dive into the psychological underpinnings of why individuals resort to such behavior, highlighting the cultural lack of effective tools for expressing negative feelings directly. The hosts share practical strategies, share personal anecdotes, and role-play scenarios to illustrate how to respond to passive aggression in a way that fosters understanding and growth rather than perpetuating a cycle of negativity. They advocate for an approach that involves acknowledging the impact of such comments, expressing one's feelings without aggression, and seeking to understand the underlying needs of the other person. A must listen for: Individuals in leadership positions who deal with other humans :) Partners who have a hard time communicating their needs and wants skillfully People who have a family or community that has a habit of passive-aggressive behavior Anyone who loves to grow! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Psychology Today Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate it with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.…

The Art of We

1
120. Turning Triggers Into Healing: Our Real-Life IFS Breakthrough at Richard Schwartz’s Retreat 27:48

20 weeks ago27:48

27:48

What if the parts of us we feel most ashamed of—our tender, young, vulnerable selves—were actually the doorway to greater sovereignty and connection in our partnerships? In this deeply personal episode, we share a very real moment from our recent IFS (Internal Family Systems) retreat with Richard Schwartz, where an old, exiled part of me got triggered in a big way. But instead of spiraling into conflict or disconnection, we used our agreements and IFS tools to move through it—together. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling unseen, insignificant, or overly sensitive in your relationship, this episode is for you. “ The Art Of We ” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (00:00) Fairness in holding space (01:14) Setting the stage: Krista’s trigger (03:41) A pattern re-emerges: Feeling invisible (07:47) A call for support (11:04) Stepping into an IFS process together (12:27) Krista’s breakthrough: Meeting a 3-year-old exiled part (15:40) From shame to shared understanding (17:34) Witnessing the root together (20:08) Why this moment changed the trigger (20:45) Turning triggers into healing: The power of a supportive partner Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners! Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Internal Family Systems with Richard Schwartz Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
119. IFS for Couples: Why Understanding Your “Parts” Changes Everything 23:28

21 weeks ago23:28

23:28

Ever feel like your emotions take over during conflict? What if there was an easier way to navigate tough conversations? In this episode, we dive into Internal Family Systems (IFS)—a powerful approach to understanding the different "parts" of ourselves and how they show up in relationships. We share how this model has transformed our ability to work through triggers, deepen our connection, and show up for each other's growth in a way that fosters security and desire. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (00:00) – The power of how we phrase emotions (00:38) – Exploring Internal Family Systems (IFS) (01:20) – How we use IFS in our partnership and why (03:38) – What are “parts” in IFS? (06:27) – Uncovering the hidden parts of ourselves (07:10) – The hero, the critic, and the scared child (08:14) – How trauma shapes our inner system and leads to self-sabotage (10:20) – Why IFS is a game-changer for couples (12:06) – How IFS prevents CO-dependency and strengthens the “we” (14:45) – The importance of shared language in partnerships (15:50) – Conflict repair: Naming our parts de-personalizes triggers (17:07) – How IFS turned a potential rupture into connection (19:04) – Holding each other's parts together vs. rejecting them Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners! Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Internal Family Systems with Richard Schwartz No Bad Parts Book Inside Out Movie Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
118. How Separateness Affects Desire & Discovering What Truly Keeps the Spark Alive 18:36

22 weeks ago18:36

18:36

Does absence REALLY make the heart grow fonder? In this episode, we explore the role of separateness in fueling desire in long-term relationships and uncover the deeper factors that truly spark passion in a thriving partnership. Plus, we share a personal story about how the movie The Substance nearly led to a major rupture between us—but ultimately revealed profound insights about what really creates and sustains desire in our relationship. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (00:00) Welcome! (00:35) Listener question: Does separateness fuel desire in long-term relationships? (01:40) What actually happens in our experience of being apart? (02:53) The science of why we automate our partners (03:57) How our brains conserve energy and why it affects attraction (05:40) Time apart doesn’t always create desire (06:44) The hidden gifts of separateness (07:42) The danger of relying on separateness for passion (08:25) A surprising relationship challenge (09:59) Power dynamics, objectification, and emotional triggers in media (11:22) What actually fuels our desires (14:30) Why deep emotional work can create attraction & intimacy (15:52) The key question: What actually fuels your desire in partnership? (16:30) Turning real connection into lasting attraction Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners! Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
117. Over-Merging & Hyper-Independence: The Path to Secure Love 26:24

23 weeks ago26:24

26:24

In this episode, we dive into over-merging in relationships, exploring the difference between healthy interdependence and codependency. Hear how attachment styles shape connection, balancing differing needs for contact, and prioritizing different needs for contact. We share our personal experiences of the power of co-regulation and how couples can create agreements that support both individuals and the we of their partnership. This episode offers valuable insights and practical tools to help you and your partner thrive. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (00:00) Over-or-under merging is a path of development (01:20) What is "the We"? (02:44) The effects of over-merging (03:45) Influence of Attachment styles (06:37) Healthy individuation as a key relationship goal (08:47) When a need for contact is covering up a deeper wound (11:00) Taking responsibility for our own wounds (11:34) How supporting each other’s healing strengthens the partnership (13:53) Does the We always default to the highest need for contact? (16:43) The power of co-regulation in a relationship (18:24) Developing auto-regulation and self-soothing practices (19:50) Defining your shared purpose as a couple (21:51) The importance of self-awareness (23:06) Final thoughts and listener appreciation Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners! Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
116. The Art of Money with Bari Tessler (Pt 2): Money Dates, Money & Parenting, Different Earning Power 42:51

24 weeks ago42:51

42:51

In part 2, Bari Tessler shares her framework for Couples Money Dates, how to navigate power imbalances when one partner earns more, financial polarization & hidden money dynamics, the mental & emotional loads of money in partnerships, how to teach kids about money (without passing down shame), somatic tools to shift your relationship with money. If you want more financial intimacy, clarity, and teamwork in your partnership, this one’s for you! “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (00:00) Power, control, and financial conditions in childhood (02:09) Money and power dynamics in relationships (04:28) The first step to financial healing (10:51) Navigating financial inequality in partnerships & gender role expectations (12:01) Mental load, household labor & financial responsibility (15:45) Financial shifts in long-term relationships & life transitions (19:36) Couples Money Dates: The 4 phases for financial intimacy & teamwork (29:23) Releasing shame & continually evolving (30:28) Teaching kids about money (34:33) How to talk to kids about financial privilege (37:24) Turning toward money conversations rather than avoiding them Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners! Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Bari Tessler: The Art Of Money Soul Of Money - L. Twist Prince Charming Isn’t Coming - B. Stanny Fair Play - E. Rodsky The Opposite Of Spoiled - R. Lieber Make Your Kid A Money Genius - B. Kobliner Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
115. The Art of Money with Bari Tessler (Pt 1): Money Shame, Financial Polarization & Enneagram Types 38:46

25 weeks ago38:46

38:46

In this episode, financial therapy pioneer Bari Tessler joins us to explore the deep connections between money, shame, and relationships. Hear how money stories and family lineage shape financial behaviors, why couples often polarize around money, and how the Enneagram can offer insight into financial dynamics. Bari emphasizes the power of financial therapy and somatic practices in healing and empowerment around money. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (00:00) Money stories and lineage influences (00:23) Intro to Bari Tessler (04:27) Life phases & money decisions (06:07) Navigating income fluctuations (07:36) The power of open financial conversations in couples (08:38) Understanding money shame & its impact (10:52) Why somatic therapy & financial therapy (13:05) Healing shame about money (14:50) Somatic awareness & money conversations (20:52) Money struggles in helping professions (25:48) Family & culture influences on money (27:13) Enneagram types & money (30:39) How money work reveals new insights in partnerships (31:58) Why couples polarize around money (36:05) Identifying financial polarizations in couples (36:38) Introduction to Couples Money Dates for financial alignment Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners! Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Bari Tessler: The Art Of Money Couples Therapy on ShowTime Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
114. Power, Attachment & Secure Functioning with Ellen Boeder 40:56

26 weeks ago40:56

40:56

Relationship therapist and couples coach Ellen Boeder joins us to explore the intersection of attachment, power dynamics, and secure functioning in partnerships. We discuss how power imbalances can emerge in relationships, the difference between secure and insecure functioning, and how couples can cultivate true mutuality. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (00:00) Why secure functioning matters in relationships (03:26) What defines secure vs. insecure relationships? (06:22) How power struggles emerge in insecure relationships (09:37) Three key factors that shape relationship dynamics (13:20) The role of trust, safety, and confidence in a secure partnership (16:29) Why repair is the key to lasting security in relationships (19:12) How resentment builds over time (22:03) How unresolved relationship struggles affect personal growth (26:41) Unspoken power dynamics: How to recognize and address them (30:55) The difference between equity and equality in partnerships (33:11) Why agreements are essential for long-term success (36:04) Building a secure relationship with yourself as a foundation for partnership (38:23) Final thoughts: The power of conscious relationship modeling Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners! Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Therapist & Coach Ellen Boeder Ellen Boeder on Substack Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
113. How Specific Agreements Create Deep Personal Healing in Relationships 17:40

27 weeks ago17:40

17:40

In this episode, we explore how small yet intentional agreements can help heal deep relational wounds and foster secure, connected partnerships. We share our personal experiences with one of our core relationship agreements and how it has transformed our injuries from the past. Through this lens, we invite listeners to reflect on your own insecurities and explore how agreements can be a powerful tool for healing, trust, and deeper intimacy. “The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer (00:00) Introduction: How small agreements can heal deep relational wounds (02:23) The power of secure functioning: Why this agreement matters (03:39) Will’s experience: Healing past wounds through loving “hellos” (06:23) The importance of eye contact and intentional connection when reuniting (06:53) Krista’s experience: The impact of past loss and saying “goodbye with care” (08:29) How practicing intentional goodbyes builds trust and security (09:36) Where do insecurities show up in your relationship? A reflection for listeners (10:42) Identifying personal wounds and creating agreements to heal them (12:58) Balancing personal preferences and mutual care in a partnership (14:51) Final reflections: The impact of small actions on long-term intimacy (15:21) Closing thoughts: Inviting listeners to explore new agreements Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners! Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website The Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute : Psychedelic Therapy Training Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts . To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform.…

The Art of We

1
112. Practicing Mutuality: Relational Agreements for Healing Cultural Conditioning 21:46

28 weeks ago21:46