Ep 127: The Art of Clarity: How Discernment Counseling Helps Couples in Limbo with Lianna Purjes

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What happens when one person in a relationship is ready to throw in the towel while their partner wants to keep trying? This emotional standoff creates a relationship limbo that can last for months or even years, preventing healing and growth for both individuals.
Therapist Lianna Purjes joins us to explore the powerful tool of discernment counseling - a specialized, short-term intervention created specifically for couples with mixed agendas about their future together. Unlike traditional couples therapy that assumes both partners want to improve the relationship, discernment counseling helps couples gain clarity and confidence about which direction to take: working on the relationship, moving toward separation, or maintaining the status quo temporarily.
The process is remarkably focused - just 1-5 sessions that primarily involve individual conversations with the therapist. This allows each partner to explore their contributions to relationship problems without the defensiveness that often emerges in joint sessions. Through this work, each person develops a "personal agenda for change" that benefits them regardless of the relationship's outcome.
While this process can feel frightening - especially for the partner who wants to preserve the relationship - it ultimately offers a faster path to healing than indefinite relationship limbo. Having clarity, even painful clarity, allows for movement rather than stagnation in recurring negative cycles.
Whether you're a therapist looking to expand your toolkit or someone navigating a difficult relationship crossroads, this episode offers insights into finding your way forward when the path seems unclear.

Learn more about Lianna at fuzzysockstherapy.com

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Chapters

1. Introduction to Discernment Counseling (00:00:00)

2. Structure and Purpose of Sessions (00:07:30)

3. The Three Paths for Couples (00:14:20)

4. Creating a Personal Agenda for Change (00:21:15)

5. Finding Clarity Over Staying in Limbo (00:27:30)

6. Resources and Final Thoughts (00:38:15)