Ep. 79: Authenticity: Why Being Realistically Real Matters The Healthy Compulsive Project podcast

18:09

What happens when a rigid devotion to rules, order, and perfection replaces our ability to feel, connect, and live? In this episode, we explore two moving character studies from Fredrik Backman’s novels A Man Called Ove and Britt-Marie Was Here . Through Ove and Britt-Marie—both fictional but deeply familiar—we see the beauty, heartbreak, and potential of the obsessive-compulsive personality. These stories show what can go wrong when emotional life is outsourced or buried—and what can go right when we begin to reclaim it. From tragic emotional isolation to unexpected transformation, this conversation offers insight, humor, and hope for anyone trying to loosen the grip of perfectionism.…

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Ep. 93: Breaking Horses: 6 Signs That You're Micromanaging 19:40

26 days ago19:40

19:40

How do we know if we are micromanaging? If you constantly look over someone’s shoulder, give them detailed instructions, distrust them, and make mountains out of molehills, it will discourage creativity, diminish morale, and disrupt relationships. It may even lead to them ignoring you. It brings about the opposite of your desired effect. Productivity, responsibility and ingenuity all decrease. It's like trying to break a horse to train it. Instead we need to macromanage, to consider the larger picture of our values and priorities.…

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Ep. 92: A Review of RO DBT, Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy—A New Treatment for Overcontrol 19:21

5 weeks ago19:21

19:21

Is RO DBT a new answer for overcontrol and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)? This post introduces Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a treatment developed for overcontrolled personalities, and explores how well it fits the traits and needs of those with OCPD. Clinical insights, pros and cons, and personal reflections included.…

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Ep. 91: Navigating Challenges for the Perfectionist Father: From the Horrific to the Heroic 15:25

6 weeks ago15:25

15:25

How do perfectionist and compulsive traits shape fatherhood? This post explores the challenges and opportunities for the obsessive father—how those traits can either alienate or elevate, harm or heal. Learn how self-awareness, values, and mindset can help fathers navigate the line between heroic and harmful.…

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Finding the Meaning of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Traits 9:56

8 weeks ago9:56

9:56

Compulsive behavior is often dismissed as neurotic, but what if it's a deep call for connection and purpose? This post explores the redemptive potential of obsessive-compulsive personality traits—how they can become a source of meaning, growth, and compassion when understood properly.

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Ep. 89: Should You Unearth the Past? How Looking Back Can Help us Move Forward 23:24

9 weeks ago23:24

23:24

Is burying the past holding you back? Most of us live as if we are still in the past without being aware of it. Discover how understanding your personal history can help you reclaim buried strengths, rewrite limiting stories, and live more freely in the present.

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Ep. 88: Am I Being Passive-Aggressive? How to Know—and What to Do About It 10:52

10 weeks ago10:52

10:52

Ever wonder if you're being passive-aggressive? Learn how to spot the signs, understand your hidden motives, and shift toward more conscious, assertive communication.

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Ep. 87: Beyond the Switch: The Dark and Subtle Side of Punishment 12:39

11 weeks ago12:39

12:39

Explore the true motivations behind punishment, its impact on relationships and society, and learn how to cultivate awareness to prevent destructive tendencies. Discover healthier ways to handle conflict and promote genuine justice. This episode explores the evolutionary and archetypal sources of punishment, how it is subtly used to more selfish ends, and how we can use it more effectively.…

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Ep. 86: The Hidden Drive Behind Compulsive Behavior: Carl Jung’s Path to Wholeness 12:50

12 weeks ago12:50

12:50

In this episode we explore the profound though often unseen energy that leads to either wholeness or compulsive behavior. If this energy is blocked from its true goal, it make make us unbalanced. Discover Carl Jung’s insights on compulsive behavior and how blocked growth can lead to obsession. Learn how to unlock your potential through individuation.…

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Ep. 85: This is Not a Test: 3 Steps to Winning the Battle Against Insecurity 22:08

13 weeks ago22:08

22:08

Insecurity underlies many of the mental health challenges we all experience, as if we are always taking a test and always fearing failure. But what causes this insecurity and how do we become more secure? In this episode we explore the three most common aspects of insecurity (feeling unlovable, morally deficient, or lacking incompetence), the parental, environmental and cultural causes, the strategies we enlist to deal with the insecurity, and three steps to move toward healthy security.…

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Ep. 84: Is Psychotherapy Effective? A Note for the Skeptical 9:05

14 weeks ago9:05

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For those of you who are skeptical about whether therapy is effective, I get it. Who’s to know whether what goes on behind closed doors does any good? And isn’t it in the interest of the therapist to excavate all sorts of problems to keep those checks coming? Therapists actually share those sorts of suspicions. We want to know about the truth and about motivation. In this episode I explore some of the reservations people have about therapy, and how we can actually work with those concerns for your benefit.…

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Ep. 83: 7 Ways Spending Time in Nature Heals the Driven Personality 12:08

15 weeks ago12:08

12:08

There’s an increasing amount of research which suggests that spending at least two hours each week engaging with nature improves our well-being. And because of the epidemic of Nature Deficit Disorder (yes, it’s a real thing), an increasing number of healthcare professionals are even prescribing time in nature. This research implies that it’s beneficial for everyone, but there's good reason to believe that it can be particularly beneficial for people who are driven, Type A, and obsessive-compulsive, because they’re faced with certain mental and physical challenges that being in nature can help with. Spending time in nature can help to balance a personality that is weighted far too heavily on the side of control, planning, perfecting, achieving and fixing.…

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Ep. 82: Want to Make Life Easier? Break the Habits that Make It More Difficult Than It Needs to Be 22:02

16 weeks ago22:02

22:02

Life is not easy, and we actually make it harder if we imagine we can sashay through it effortlessly. But we can also make life more difficult than it needs to be by imagining that the path forward is steeper than it really is. In this post I explore the effect of "Mountain Mirage," its causes and its cures.…

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Ep. 81: A Short Guide to Love Languages for People with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality 15:26

17 weeks ago15:26

15:26

To have a good relationship we need to learn to speak the love languages that our partner can understand and feel. This can be particularly uncomfortable for people who are obsessive-compulsive, because they are most familiar with one particular language. But learning a new language is always good, and the energy and determination that come with being obsessive-compulsive can help you to learn it.…

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Ep. 80: Four Blocks to Releasing Resentment and Offering Forgiveness 21:03

18 weeks ago21:03

21:03

Whatever the motivation for withholding forgiveness, it often hurts the holder more than it hurts the offender. And as I’ll show in this episode, not forgiving may be part of a larger mindset which blocks not just connection with that one person, but also a more fulfilling life.

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Ep. 79: Authenticity: Why Being Realistically Real Matters 10:11

19 weeks ago10:11

10:11

Living like no-one is watching is a rewarding but somewhat risky approach to life. While not caring what others think can allow us to be authentic, it may also put us in harms way, or lead us to hurt others. This episode explores how to be real in a realistic way.

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Ep. 78: How to Harness the Power of Lists for Your Well-Being 11:50

20 weeks ago11:50

11:50

Some of us live by our lists. We do whatever they tell us to do. Others dig their heels in and rebel against whatever chores have been assigned there. But who makes the list? Whoever does determines the power of lists to make our lives miserable or fulfilling.

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Ep. 77: How to Help a Partner, Friend or Relative Who Feels Suicidal 18:20

21 weeks ago18:20

18:20

How do you help a partner, relative or friend who feels suicidal? The situation is disturbing for anyone, and can be even more difficult for people who take too much responsibility and need to have things fixed and resolved. There are limits to what is within our control. And many of us feel too much responsibility in a situation like this. We like to think that there must be a solution to any and all problems—if we could just figure it out and work hard enough to execute that solution. But that’s very idealistic, if not naïve. But your connection and listening can make more difference than you might think. Ideally, hearing themselves as they talk to you, and hearing you mirror their feelings empathically and simply, will help them realize that what needs to die is not they themselves, but their inner Dictator, Tyrant, or Judge, along with their unrealistic standards, black and white thinking, and self-attack.…

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Ep. 76: The Need to Control: A Compulsive Recipe for Poor Health 10:44

22 weeks ago10:44

10:44

It might feel right at times to be all fired up and plowing through a messy house as if it were about to be condemned as inhabitable by the town, fixing errors in a discombobulated spreadsheet like your life depended on it, or planning every detail of your daughter’s 10th birthday party so that she’s guaranteed a spot on the social registry. But if you can’t turn that fire down, you’re going to burn up and burn out. I mean this physically and medically. Engaging in urgency on a regular basis will take it’s toll on your physical health. Join me in this episode as we look at the effects of obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior on your physical well-being, and what you can do about it.…

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Ep 75: 6 Steps to Stop Being Judgmental 9:45

23 weeks ago9:45

9:45

It’s human nature to have standards and to compare, but this tendency can go rogue and unleash harsh judgments on others—with results completely contrary to the original intentions. I have found it helpful to explore what triggers our judgment and to see what impact it has on the other person and ourselves as well. If we can learn to identify our motivations, acknowledge our shadow, try to understand what others go through and look at the impact judging has, we will be better equipped when we are tempted to judge others.…

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Ep. 74: Four Ways that Control Smothers the Flames of Romantic Love 18:32

24 weeks ago18:32

18:32

Ah romance. What could feel better than falling in love? Bliss, delight, ecstasy. But those can happen only if we can let go enough to get things going, and enough to sustain them as things get more challenging. Nothing smothers romantic love worse than control. And this happens in more ways than you might expect. Today we’ll explore some of the blocks from family and culture that can predispose us to block the very thing we want.…

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Ep. 73: Taoist Wisdom for Compulsive Perfectionists 13:29

25 weeks ago13:29

13:29

While I find parts of the Tao Te Ching baffling, exasperating and mystifying, Lao Tzu’s encouragement to accept things as they are still conveys an attitude toward life that I find to be a good counterpoint to my driven nature. Since Taoist wisdom can be especially useful to people who are compulsive, perfectionist, and obsessive, I thought it might be helpful for me to share how this enduring and poetic book has helped me.…

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Ep. 72: 7 Ways to Achieve More Flexibility in Your Relationships 11:16

26 weeks ago11:16

11:16

I know that most of my listeners are passionately committed to doing the right thing, unfortunately that can lead to doing the wrong thing. If we get rigid about the way things should be and end up controlling people to achieve that, we can hurt others, damage our relationships, and even sabotage the greater good that we were aiming for. In this podcast I’ll share what I believe are some of the origins of this tendency and 7 suggestions for living more flexibly.…

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Ep. 71: Clinging to Sacred Cows: Identity and Worth in the Compulsive Personality 15:06

27 weeks ago15:06

15:06

People with compulsive and obsessive tendencies tend to hold on to things—money, objects, time and ideas. We imagine that these things we hold on to make us more secure. But too often they bring us more stress than security. Some of the things we hold on to constitute our identity and worth. These are sacred cows in the worst sense—traits that we feel we can’t question much less let go of. And these cows are a heavy burden to carry. We’ll start with a story from the Buddha, explore scarcity mindset, and talk about two examples of women struggling with their sacred cows. Finally, we’ll discuss how letting go of sacred cows can lead to more fulfillment. lMB8tObSEfl1xD1abKMe…

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Ep. 70: Are you a compulsive hero or a heroic compulsive? 13:58

28 weeks ago13:58

13:58

One way to free ourselves from unhealthy compulsive behavior is to understand our motivations, what drives and actually controls us. While we’re all unique, there are ancient and common patterns that underlie the roles we take on in life such as mother, father, warrior, healer, savior, priest, jester, caretaker and leader. These patterns are known as archetypes, and they’re illustrated in myths and symbols. These patterns exert a magnetic influence that can give us intuitive guidance and energy to help us do what we need to do. Or they can drag us into a perpetual rut of expectations and despair. Heroic energy can flow freely like water, or be frozen and rigid like ice.…

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Ep. 69: How Self Control and Inhibited Expression Hurt Relationships 12:00

29 weeks ago12:00

12:00

Self control does have some benefits for relationships. But it also has dangers. If your self-restraint keeps you from expressing positive and intimate feelings, it may leave your partner feeling disconnected and unloved, which doesn't encourage them to express their feelings either, and then things start to go downhill quickly. But if you can be more intentional in using your self control to actually express more, the relationship is more likely to thrive.…

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Ep. 68: Wield Your Shield Wisely: How Not to be Defensive 22:03

30 weeks ago22:03

22:03

Few of us make it through life without ever getting defensive. Shields are universal and archetypal. But, at the risk of being dramatic, how defensive we get can dramatically affect our relationships and careers. Some people keep their Shield of protection up almost all the time. Others ram it into the other person's face. Both of these can severely limit not just relationships and work, but, as we'll see, your psychological growth as well. This episode explores the differences between being defensive, and appropriately defending ourselves, with examples, and suggestions for being less defensive and for handling the defensiveness of others.…

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Ep. 67: The Power of Lists to Tyrannize or Harmonize 11:40

32 weeks ago11:40

11:40

Lists can be either effective or excessive. They can help us to organize and prioritize what we need to do, and it feels great to cross things off. But they can also be very one-sided. Too often they are only about all the things we are supposed to do rather than the things we want to do. Why do lists have to be so bloody demanding, rather than allowing? Lists can be a place where you take a stand in allowing yourself to do the things you usually don’t let yourself do. And that can actually make you more, rather than less, effective. But this goes deeper than just the practicalities of how you manage a list. It’s also about the cultivation of your personality—individuation and becoming whole. It’s about who’s driving your car, and what parts of you get locked in the trunk.…

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Ep. 66: Welcome All Guests: Aging with OCPD (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality) 20:39

33 weeks ago20:39

20:39

Most people get happier as they reach their 50s, 60s and 70s. But people who are obsessive, compulsive and perfectionistic may miss out on the potential benefits. Their default strategy of control can block the those benefits, and leave them metaphorically pushing a rock up a hill, only to have it come crashing down again. The solution is to relinquish some control and welcome all the aging has to offer.…

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Ep. 65: Letting Go and Holding On: The Essential Life Skills No-One Taught You 10:38

34 weeks ago10:38